Do other parents see car seats just as cosmetic / a polite courtesy?

[Octagonchecker]

Since my DD7 started school we have had 3 occasions where she was offered a lift somewhere by another parent, but they only had one car seat, and when I said oh no she can't travel without a car seat, they said my DD could have the car seat and they would have their own child ride without one. As if the car seat is not essential, and it's polite to give it to the guest, the way you might give up your seat on the sofa. On these occasions they looked at me like I was a right weirdo when I said don't worry we'll walk. But I would never be happy seeing another little kid ride without a car seat and potentially come to harm so that my DD could have their seat!

DD has been invited to a birthday party where the mum plans to pick up 4 of them from school and take them to a venue in a different part of town (will be on the dual carriageway). DD absolutely wants to go to this party, it's a close friend. But there is no way the mum has 4 car seats, the birthday girl is an only child. So I assume the plan is to just not have car seats. But all the other mums are saying yeah sounds great! I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total party pooper since nobody else has mentioned it. And I feel like if I did bring it up she might say that my DD can have her child's car seat and she will ride without, like every other time this has happened? I can't take DD to the venue myself though because I've got my younger one to pick up from nursery during the party and DH has the car that day anyway so it's not an option. I'm wondering whether I'm the weirdo in this situation.

Not weird no. Every child should have a car seat

No, you're not the weirdo. We have family members with older DC who constantly offer us a lift home from their house if we have walked or used public transport. When I say no thanks due to no car seat they say it's not far and that they are good drivers. They also ask me to give them all a lift and squeeze extra people in the car or put their kids in the boot! Which I also refuse.
They roll their eyes behind my back but I don't care.

Who was going to pick her up from school though, if you and your DH couldnt?

Why don't you offer to lend her your car seat. My children are adults now, so I'm not up-to-date on the law, but if a child seat is required then they should be used.

Why don't you give them your car seat for the ride?

This is Mumsnet where people are going to earnestly proclaim that unless your car has exclusively rear facing until they're 12, you're a terrible parent.

I didn't consider giving her our car seat oddly enough!

I feel like people are too quick to stop using them too - my youngest DD is nearly 10 but only barely 135cm. I kept her sister on a booster until she was over this height as although it's the legal minimum, the seat belt still cuts in under their neck and just looks so uncomfortable.

DD will stay on a seat til she is bigger too but kids the same size all seem to be off theirs and it sometimes makes me wonder why I am the only one who still thinks they should be using them?

Yes, other parents think car seats are cosmetic, but just the bad parents. The ones who aren’t as good and clever as you.

Sorry but at 7 years old it’s not that big of a deal,
my kids were over the height limit by 8 and before that if travelling in others cars we had a spare booster knocking around they could take/to use for extra kids coming home.

This is coming from someone whose current 3 year old is still rear facing btw.

Once in a blue moon is probably fine

And yet on local roads in a car they would at least have a seat belt whereas on a bus they wouldn't have a seat belt at all....

I'm very much a fan of car seats as long as possible but it seems a bit daft to use buses in preference to a car on local roads. I find it mine boggling buses don't have seat belts

I wouldn’t and didn’t care at 7. Most of my friends didn’t either.

Normally, everyone would bring their own. I think it’s weird you didn’t offer, hence why she felt she had to offer you hers.

We had spare boosters in the boot at this age for lifts etc. Some kids would bring their own.

Once they reached 135cm I wouldn’t overly worry if I didn’t have one for an occasional journey but under 135cm they always would.

Yes this too. When mine were in seats I always offered to send theirs. I also always had spare seats for cousins /friends etc.

@Aleopardneverchangesitssocks I get this all the time too. I don’t drive and DS and I are constantly offered lifts with no car seats 🙄
Ive had family actually fall out with me because I’m happy to walk my pre-schooler across town when it’s raining (😱 shock horror - we go out on foot when it’s raining!) rather that him “getting home dry and safe in the car” 🤯🤣

@Octagonchecker I would just say respond to the other parent saying that it sounds lovely and DD would love to go along and you’ll provide a car seat for her 🤷🏻‍♀️
I do believe people are far too relaxed when it comes to car seat safety. A mum we know drove past us the other day with her child sitting in the front passenger seat of her work van with the normal seatbelt on and no car seat. He’s just about to turn 3 😔
I know so so many parents who are happy using no car seats over the age of about 7 😔

Mine are big lumps now, but at that age we were always moving car seats about. I think they were high back boosters at that stage so easy enough to transfer from car to car. Or we'd have a spare booster cushion. I'm really surprised people are lax about it these days. And no one ever rolled their eyes at a parent caring about it.

I'd see this kind of instance like a short taxi ride. Bit different if the party is 45 mins away on the motorway but if it's a 5 mins journey through town traffic (10 miles an hour probably in our town) then I can't get too worried about it, probably safer than cycling.

We had 2 seats and a booster. When we organised dd’s 8th birthday party the other side of the city, dh and I decided it was easier and more exciting if we drove everyone. We took 2 cars and asked for car seats to be dropped off.

I wouldn’t have been ok with dd going in a car without a seat. But I know plenty of parents were a lot more lax than us.

I've always just said 'do you need me to bring DC's car seat' and people either say 'yes please' or 'it's OK, we have a spare'.

If anyone said 'no, it'll be OK without one' I'd say I'll drive my DC instead and meet them there! But it's never happened.

I've had this experience too! It freaks me out - what if they have an accident and their child is harmed and it's "my fault"?!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Trunki-BoostApak-Car-Booster-Seat/

We generally use this for lifts with friends

I don’t think it’s a big deal for a 5 minute journey in a low speed area.

However, children between 6-10 are the most likely to die in a car crash due to the fact most aren’t seated correctly in the car. Food for thought.

At 7? I think mine were just on booster seats by then but it was a while ago now. And I wouldn’t have turned down a lift because I didn’t happen to have a booster about my person unless it was a long motorway journey.

Stick to your guns. They are safest in a car seat.