Do other parents see car seats just as cosmetic / a polite courtesy?

[Octagonchecker]

Since my DD7 started school we have had 3 occasions where she was offered a lift somewhere by another parent, but they only had one car seat, and when I said oh no she can't travel without a car seat, they said my DD could have the car seat and they would have their own child ride without one. As if the car seat is not essential, and it's polite to give it to the guest, the way you might give up your seat on the sofa. On these occasions they looked at me like I was a right weirdo when I said don't worry we'll walk. But I would never be happy seeing another little kid ride without a car seat and potentially come to harm so that my DD could have their seat!

DD has been invited to a birthday party where the mum plans to pick up 4 of them from school and take them to a venue in a different part of town (will be on the dual carriageway). DD absolutely wants to go to this party, it's a close friend. But there is no way the mum has 4 car seats, the birthday girl is an only child. So I assume the plan is to just not have car seats. But all the other mums are saying yeah sounds great! I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total party pooper since nobody else has mentioned it. And I feel like if I did bring it up she might say that my DD can have her child's car seat and she will ride without, like every other time this has happened? I can't take DD to the venue myself though because I've got my younger one to pick up from nursery during the party and DH has the car that day anyway so it's not an option. I'm wondering whether I'm the weirdo in this situation.

My teen still uses one! Just about fits... I get side eye from his friends and parents.

In many countries however the minimum height limit to stop using a car seat is 150cm, so I'm using them until then.

Think it depends what you mean by teen. 🤣🤣

either way, your the mum, he’s your child and that choice is yours and yours alone ❤️❤️

When I took DS and his friends bowling the other month, I made sure I had car seats for everyone. They’re 7/8 years old. I do know other parents who have lax attitudes to car seats at this age. I don’t think DS will need one by September but until he reaches that height he’ll be using one.

Will be 14 later this year, and about 145cm tall. He seems happy to use it and comfortable enough. Why wouldn't I?

Is it a full seat or booster seat?

Yeah when a school mum offered a lift recently, the other mum's gave her their car seats.

Honestly in my experience once children get to around 5/6, parents put them on a backless booster cushion with an adult seatbelt and treat the booster as something for comfort not safety. Therefore just polite to offer to the guest.

Full HBB seat. In Spain, Italy, Germany, Ireland and other countries the regulation is to 150cm, not 135cm.

Totally the norm to always use a car seat here. If giving DD’s friends a lift I will tell the parents I’ll get her seat from our second car so they both have a seat.. or if that’s not possible arrange to pick up their own seat… and vice versa.

However when we gave nephew a lift SIL said he didn’t need a seat. But he’s shorter than DD so I knew it was illegal. We did use a car seat.

Fair enough.

like I said, it’s not anyone else’s choice but yours 🎉🎉

We always had a few booster seats in the loft or boot to either give our DC to take or to give other kids lifts. They aren't legal to buy new for children under 125cm though!

150cm is the rule herr in Ireland. Really dont get the it's only a short journey theory either on here. It only takes a split second for a serious collision to happen on any length of a journey. Better safe than sorry.

You drop child and car seat to the house of the person driving? That’s normal.

just today I drove past some children heading out to a kids party. One waiting for other one further up the road being walked to the house with mum carrying the car seat.

I do know a couple of women who are not that tall. In fact I have a friend who has a booster cushion for when she is driving.
OP, In the UK, I think a lot of people have a couple of spare booster seats which are legal at 7 unless your child is very small.

Id be a party pooper to keep a LO safe. And I would only drive my kid without one in an emergency - like a someones bleeding and we need a lift to a hospital emergency

I know a family who all suffered life altering injuries from a head on collision from a driver who’d had a heart attack at the wheel. Nothing they could do, and being a “good driver” was utterly irrelevant. I’ve been rear ended when stationary by a van whose driver was on his phone - and I was in a dual control learner car! Again, not my own fault.

My DD was in one until she was a very tall 11, then I let her off because the seatbelt sat low enough to be safe. DS is a well grown 11 but he’s keeping his booster for a while yet because the belt still cuts across his throat. I don’t want him garotted the next time some dickhead thinks phoning his wife us more important than looking where he’s going!

Both of mine were annoyed at growing out of their high back though. Much easier to sleep in.

I've offered lifts to a party for my 7yo's friends and they put their car seat in my car when I pick up. Just take your car seat to the car when you take your DC to the car.

Wow your boys must be huge DS is 7 one of the tallest 2/3 in his class, he's 98th centile at 132cm and still under the height limit for a car seat

It's not, 98th centile is 132cm for 7 year olds, people overestimate height

That is particularly small for a 14 year old though (4'9"?) My teens were about a foot taller by then.

My DD is 9 and still in a high backed car seat as she is under the height requirement and the non-high backed booster type seats are dangerous and not recommended at all. I’ve always offered to give DD’s car seat if lifts are offered. I’m surprised by lax attitudes to car seats.

My 7 year old is in a high back booster and will be for a long time. I’m happy for her to have lifts with a booster- would not be happy for her to be without a car seat at all. She’s tiny.

I also don’t believe that many 7 year olds have outgrown the height requirements to the extent they shouldn’t be in a seat at all. My 9 year old now has by a good 10cm and now doesn’t use one but she’s exceptionally tall and 91st centile and fits the seatbelt fine with feet firmly on the floor. She was definitely in a booster seat at 7, probably still a high back and I’d always keep a booster in the car as some of her friends aren’t the legal height to not have one.

DS is a short 9, we‘re not in the UK. Whenever we car pool with other parents, we always discuss who will provide the car seat. Most families have extra booster seats either at home or in the boot. A rural area, most of us also have proper seats for the necessary 2nd car. We had a stage of about 2 years where we‘d provide a booster seat for trips in other people’s cars but he had a super duper seat in our own cars.

Solutions can be creative (he hated travelling to sports club with a tall classmate as the family would give him the little sister‘s bright pink seat), but we‘ve never shared lifts without ensuring all children have an appropriate seat.

If a child is over the height required then the other parent is not doing anything wrong if they dont use them, parents can still use them if they want no one is stopping them

Dd2 is 7, and I wouldn't dream about transporting her or her friends without at least a simple booster seat (no back) I have 2 in the boot for unexpected journeys. DD1 is very tall and came out of a car seat at 8, but i used one without of her friends until she was 9.5 as she isn't very tall, even though her parents weren't. If they are in my car they are my responsibility