Do other parents see car seats just as cosmetic / a polite courtesy?

[Octagonchecker]

Since my DD7 started school we have had 3 occasions where she was offered a lift somewhere by another parent, but they only had one car seat, and when I said oh no she can't travel without a car seat, they said my DD could have the car seat and they would have their own child ride without one. As if the car seat is not essential, and it's polite to give it to the guest, the way you might give up your seat on the sofa. On these occasions they looked at me like I was a right weirdo when I said don't worry we'll walk. But I would never be happy seeing another little kid ride without a car seat and potentially come to harm so that my DD could have their seat!

DD has been invited to a birthday party where the mum plans to pick up 4 of them from school and take them to a venue in a different part of town (will be on the dual carriageway). DD absolutely wants to go to this party, it's a close friend. But there is no way the mum has 4 car seats, the birthday girl is an only child. So I assume the plan is to just not have car seats. But all the other mums are saying yeah sounds great! I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total party pooper since nobody else has mentioned it. And I feel like if I did bring it up she might say that my DD can have her child's car seat and she will ride without, like every other time this has happened? I can't take DD to the venue myself though because I've got my younger one to pick up from nursery during the party and DH has the car that day anyway so it's not an option. I'm wondering whether I'm the weirdo in this situation.

In this situation we’ve always asked the person driving if they wanted us provide a booster seat.

Anecdotally UK parents seem way more lax about car seats then where I live (abroad). The laws also seem quite lax in the UK, the height limit for boosters here is also 145cm min to go without and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t follow it. It’s not legal to forward face a child before age 2 and most people I know kept rear facing until 4 as recommended. A lot of people kept until 5 or later.

I don't think parents always consider the fact, if their child needs a car seat, then it stands to reason, the other children having lifts will need one too! Allowing a child to travel in a car without a car seat, when you know they either need a seat or booster is against the law. I would contact the Mum, and say that you will give her your car seat, for when your daughter travels to/from the party.

Most people don't realise children can't legally travel in the front seat of a car, without a car seat either (up until they are 12 or reach 135 cm). The amount of parents who allow children to sit in the front without a car seat, who clearly aren't 135 cm, is staggering. I see it all the time.

Car seats shouldn't be treated as optional extras.

And yet children on buses aren't even strapped in. ..

As a firefighter who spends a lot of time fishing people out of RTCs - please just keep the car seats - a seat belt on a too small child does literally nothing to protect them!

My DC had booster seats past 8 years old because they were small for their age (I'm less than 150cm so not surprising) some other parents insinuated it was babyish I didnt take any notice.

@Happyhappyday Sounds like you live in a much more sensible place 👍🏻☺️

Children over the age of 3 are allowed to sit on the back seat, wearing the seatbelt if a car seat is not available, not enough space if it is unplanned journeys which are short distances and a couple other reasons

At 7 both of my boys well over the height range for a car seat, so if often forget that other people were still using them. But if course if their child was short and they wanted to provide a car seat I would use it!
Not everyone is super educated on car seat safety, it doesn't make them a bad parent or neglectful. Most parents are trying to do their best and most wouldn't deliberately put a child in harms way.

Yep! In Europe, they seem to understand simple physics much better.

The laws in the UK regarding car seat safety are very poor. And look at how many people don't even follow the law!

I remember once seeing another school Mum with her almost 3 year old in the front seat of the car in an adult belt with no child seat at all!

My mid teens rear faced until around 5 years and were in a 150cm high back booster until one outgrew it at 10 years and the other reached 12 and hadn't made it to 150cm. We switched that child to a booster cushion so that it was hidden until they were 150cm.

In fact, the one that outgrew at age 10 was gutted when they couldn't fit in it anymore. It was a Cybex one that had a reclining headrest for sleep and they slept a lot in the car! They found it very uncomfortable without the HBB for the next year or so until they grew a bit more.

It was that HBB that prevented severe head injuries to that child when we were hit by a lorry on the motorway before spinning 540°, ending up facing the wrong way on the carriageway and being hit head on by a car who couldn't stop in time (they sure as hell weren't expecting to see us facing the wrong way!)

If that child had only been on a booster cushion, they would have still had head injuries. I remember thinking as we were spinning "I might die but my kids are in the best car seats money can buy,". My OH and I had severe whiplash and a head injuries but thankfully the kids suffered no ill effects.

My youngest was also small for her age - we just had a spare booster that I would hand over when another parent took her places and gave her a bag big enough to pop it in if that parent wasn’t bringing her home. It’s not difficult.

I think some UK parents see it as babying their child instead of understanding that it's about protecting the child's more vulnerable body.

I remember my DS going to a 7th birthday which involved the kids going in the family’s cars, and only I and one other mum (whose dc was August born and only just 6) asking to drop off a booster for our kids. Which to be fair they were fine with.

It was really kind of the family to drive them - and to be fair their own dc was an exceptionally tall September born - but I was so surprised so few other parents wanted to drop a car seat or booster off. These were 6 yos!

Quite a few people saying their DC was over the height limit at 7. My DD is one of the tallest in her class and still only about 130cm, the legal minimum for no seat is 135. It can't be that common to be 135cm at age 7?

Isn’t it also based on weight as well? My boys nearly 12 so been a while since I was worrying about car seats! 🤣🤣

We have a spare booster in the boot but I wouldn't be overly concerned at this age if they didn't have one for a short journey.

I have a spare booster for this reason.

A PP mentions her kids well exceeding it at 7 and refers to other 7 year olds who don't as 'short'. 😂

I think it depends on height really. I'm more relaxed now as my 9 year old is well over 135cm, she always uses a booster seat for longer journeys. My 11 year old is 167cm so taller than me and well out of car seats....

No way are the vast majority of 7 year olds over the limit for a seat. I don't even like my 7 year old going on a normal booster, which he does in his sister's car. He's in a high backed booster in ours. I would never let him travel without a seat at his size except in an emergency in taxi for example, if it really couldn't be helped

Why not? What's your problem with that?

You aren't unreasonable to insist on a car seat but by 7 years old a child is safe enough with a backpack travel car seat like the Urban Kanga Wallaroo and if as it seens you are this regularly in a position where you are having to turn down opportunities due to lack of a car seat I think this would be a good investment.

Er, no. It's an essential safety item.

I really don't get the idea that once in a blue moon it's okay or for short journeys. Imagine applying that logic to seat belts. The whole point of any safety thing in a car, is that you can have a collision at any time and so you use the safety features every single time.

And lol at the relatives who say they are good drivers. Like that's got anything to do with whether you have a collision or not. Can't believe how stupid some people are to be honest.

Party mum may be planning to collect your car seat? That's what I did for my 6yo birthday recently, collected the car seats and a change of clothes while the kids were at school

I don’t actually know my boys height but I’m 5’5 and he’s not far off my height 🤣🤣

he sits in the front with me unless we’re going on a dual carriage or motorway. He’s in the back for those journeys