Do other parents see car seats just as cosmetic / a polite courtesy?

[Octagonchecker]

Since my DD7 started school we have had 3 occasions where she was offered a lift somewhere by another parent, but they only had one car seat, and when I said oh no she can't travel without a car seat, they said my DD could have the car seat and they would have their own child ride without one. As if the car seat is not essential, and it's polite to give it to the guest, the way you might give up your seat on the sofa. On these occasions they looked at me like I was a right weirdo when I said don't worry we'll walk. But I would never be happy seeing another little kid ride without a car seat and potentially come to harm so that my DD could have their seat!

DD has been invited to a birthday party where the mum plans to pick up 4 of them from school and take them to a venue in a different part of town (will be on the dual carriageway). DD absolutely wants to go to this party, it's a close friend. But there is no way the mum has 4 car seats, the birthday girl is an only child. So I assume the plan is to just not have car seats. But all the other mums are saying yeah sounds great! I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total party pooper since nobody else has mentioned it. And I feel like if I did bring it up she might say that my DD can have her child's car seat and she will ride without, like every other time this has happened? I can't take DD to the venue myself though because I've got my younger one to pick up from nursery during the party and DH has the car that day anyway so it's not an option. I'm wondering whether I'm the weirdo in this situation.

A secondary school age child gets in a car seat?

Still in primary. He will be getting the bus to school when he starts secondary so won't be using a car seat then.
His sister on the other hand could potentially be in a car seat when she starts secondary as she is a long way off 135cm.

So you had tall children. Not everyone does.

My year 5&6 kiddies are still in a high back booster and both under 135cm.
Feels like we are in the minority using a car seat.

When mine were young it was the norm to provide a seat for the parent driving.
Some people aren't bothered though. I was driving on a dual carriageway the other day and when I stopped at lights the child in the back of the car next to me wasn't even strapped in & was stood between the two front seats. Parents were completely unbothered.

I'm with you OP. My daughter is 8 and I'm very anxious about car seat safety. However, we just bought a Trunki boosterpak seat for this kind of scenario.

Very out of touch!

The laws changed when I was 9 and I remember my mum had to go and buy one because I’m short. I am nearly 29 years old now so this has been the case for the past 20 years!

“Very out of touch!

The laws changed when I was 9 and I remember my mum had to go and buy one because I’m short. I am nearly 29 years old now so this has been the case for the past 20 years!”

Sorry- meant to quote @LiloLido

It wouldn't worry me tbh. You know that they go on school trips in coaches with no boosters and only two point seatbelts? I'm more uncomfortable with that, the odd trip with another parent is likely to be short.

When I invite kids to come in my car I always specify that I have a spare seat, one of DD's friend's DM is an A&E dr so checked what sort/would she be in the back etc, obvs she has seen enough outcomes in A&E to be hot on it.

My kids are very skinny and short so will probably be in their seats forever, some of the boys in DS' Y3 class do look like they could be 135cm. I had a 5yo in my car the other day who doesnt normally have a seat and she said it felt a lot more comfy/easier to see out having a booster seat.

It's strange how some parents fuss over some things and couldn't care less about others, but that's just how it is.

I mean for short journeys at 7 yo I don’t see it as that much of a big deal. There’s a reason it’s not illegal. I’ve given other kids lifts and offered my them my 5 yo’s car seat while he’s sat in the back on the normal seat with the seat belt under his arm rather than over his shoulder. Mind you if I wasn’t actually driving or with him I’d probably be a little more worried about it. I survived my childhood in the 80s/90s without a car seat after the age of about 4! As did everyone else I know. My parents car didn’t even have seatbelts in the back when I was little!

I think it may be locally varied too. Around here we were routinely offered a booster seat until about 8.5 (when most of DSs’ friends were over 135cm at least by eye).

Isn't it the law until 12 years/135cm?

I don't disagree with you OP, far safer with a seat and should absolutely be the norm. Here we say till minimum 135cm but in lots of places in Europe it's 150cm!

However even the government guidelines have multiple exceptional/extenuating circumstances for when it's 'okay' to travel without them. At the end of the day you make the choice that feels right for you/your child, others will do the same. You don't need to change your standards just because someone else acts differently.

https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

For regular journeys yes but it’s legal for a child over 3 to use the normal seatbelt in the back for short, occasional journeys if a car seat is not available

An emergency journey, but a playdate is planned and expected.

My standard line is “do you have spare car seat or do you need to borrow mine?” If a parent isn’t bothered about car seat safety what else doesn’t bother them and do you want them looking after your child…?

Just hand over her booster seat when she gets a lift. Very normal to do that IMO.

the actual guidelines also say it's acceptable 'if there's no room for a car seat', which would suggest it's not just emergencies.

Again, not saying that's how I'd operate but that's the official line from the top.

That's irrelevant if there is room for a car seat though.

@marcyhermit fair. However I can see why there being so many exceptions might make a cohort of people more blasé about them in general.

When my Dd was around 7ish she started using a booster seat for journeys in other cars. I can’t remember the exact age - think it goes by height. But that’s the age when there were more after school clubs where you could drop them and leave so we all used to take it in turns driving. I had one spare booster but each kid used to come out to the car with their own booster seat to sit on. Really light weight for them to carry around and it did th job

Yep. This. Booster seat that you can give to other parents is the answer.

OP why don’t you get a travel booster seat to give to the person who’s giving your kid a lift? They’re fairly small and portable