Do other parents see car seats just as cosmetic / a polite courtesy?

[Octagonchecker]

Since my DD7 started school we have had 3 occasions where she was offered a lift somewhere by another parent, but they only had one car seat, and when I said oh no she can't travel without a car seat, they said my DD could have the car seat and they would have their own child ride without one. As if the car seat is not essential, and it's polite to give it to the guest, the way you might give up your seat on the sofa. On these occasions they looked at me like I was a right weirdo when I said don't worry we'll walk. But I would never be happy seeing another little kid ride without a car seat and potentially come to harm so that my DD could have their seat!

DD has been invited to a birthday party where the mum plans to pick up 4 of them from school and take them to a venue in a different part of town (will be on the dual carriageway). DD absolutely wants to go to this party, it's a close friend. But there is no way the mum has 4 car seats, the birthday girl is an only child. So I assume the plan is to just not have car seats. But all the other mums are saying yeah sounds great! I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total party pooper since nobody else has mentioned it. And I feel like if I did bring it up she might say that my DD can have her child's car seat and she will ride without, like every other time this has happened? I can't take DD to the venue myself though because I've got my younger one to pick up from nursery during the party and DH has the car that day anyway so it's not an option. I'm wondering whether I'm the weirdo in this situation.

I don't think it is. My DD is 7 and she is 136cm
I would send a booster seat (not hbb) to school in this circumstance. I think you'll find the other mums might be dropping seats off in advance

At 7 mine were in a booster seat. So we just used to hand that over with the child. I don’t think you should stop your DD going though or worry about what other parents do with their children.

Maybe I'm out of touch but mine stopped having child car seats when they were about 3 and moved onto booster seats.

At 7 they were just strapped in with a normal seat belt.

Is that not the norm nowadays?

They should be over 135cm to travel without a booster seat these days.

DS1 is in year 5 and I'd say almost all of the class is taller than that (so very handy for giving lifts).

When he was younger and we'd get or give lifts we'd usually give the other parent our booster seat. When we'd give lifts we would put the other DC in DS2s booster seat (they were both the same age rating, we'd just adjust the headrest bit to make it a bit taller).

We give and receive lifts for school things frequently and just give our own car seats. We do have six though (twins + having a nanny).

How strange. We all would do musical car seats if a parent was giving our kids lifts. I certainly didn't have three spare car seats to give lifts, I expected the other parent to transfer theirs into the car.

In the first scenario it is a one-off where you wouldn't expect to have a spare car seat. Some parents will judge that a short journey at age 7 without a car seat is safe, others won't. You didn't, so it is fine. In the second scenario, I would have thought you just give them your car seat to use. No need to miss the party. Or drive her yourself and meet them there.

My DC are teens now but both used booster seats longer than their peers, until around 11. However, there were occasions where they got a lift etc without one because of circumstances. As they got older, especially, I wouldn't have had them missing out on things because of a short journey without a car seat, although I always made them have one for motorway journeys etc. As a parent, you use your judgement.

I don't think she's saying she has a problem with doing that, just that she hadn't thought of it as an option! Presumably it's not what any of the other parents do around OP which is surprising.

We've always been really strict on car seats and would ask other driver to use our car seat at that age rather than just a seatbelt or even a booster. Especially is going on duel carriageway. The evidence of what a difference an age appropriate car seat makes is undeniable. I actually can't believe how slack the laws are in the UK.

My daughter is 10 and still in a HBB. She is no where near tall enough to go in a car without a car seat. I do normally take her to any party where the host offers to drive as I don't trust them to accommodate the car seat (if they are taking 4 kids unless they have a big car, it can be a struggle to get the seat and others in comfortably). I always think I would never forgive myself if I trusted someone else on it and they ignored the seat for whatever reason.
I do feel that this is very much a me issue and other parents have always felt that I am weird (having seen their photos of multiple children who should be in car seats but clearly without, I do not doubt my instinct though).

No idea about average heights but both mine reached the height tall enough to be out of car seats when they were age 7. Before that I did have a travel booster seat for various holiday situations/ as a spare for friends. Maybe get one of those.

With my older DC (8) any lifts offered have always been on the premise a car seat is dropped off. Or it’s a “we have one spare car seat so can someone bring another please”

I think they have a different capacity for assessing risk and impact to you.

Oh local 30 roads I wouldn’t mind so much. Most are 20 in our town. Almost entirely.

Motorways I would be entirely insistent on car seats until the thresholds

In my experience - unless they’ve got a very tall 7 year old, parents turn up with a small backless booster in this scenario. The cuggl one from Argos is quite good - doesn’t take up lots of space to easy to fit all car seats in and inexpensive.

As far as I know buses are much, much safer than cars. Far less risk of injury/death in the event of an accident. I'm sure that's the case even accounting for having no seat belts.

Send her with her car seat?

Kids in my class often bring car seats on a Friday for this exact kind of thing. Not sure the amount they get tripped over in the cloakroom is good for them though.

Interestingly I did this and had infact bought 4 booster seats..

If she is picking your daughter up, why can’t she take her own car seat?

Most people don't have spare car seats. I've never had spares? I have a spare booster (the sort without a back). Ds was always the tallest of his friends and was over 135cm by age 8, I just put him on the booster.

The norm is to offer to lend your car seat if your child is having a lift & you want them sat on one. When children get to junior school age people do tend to relax more about it & use booster cushions for these sorts of one offs that tend to be a short local drive.

Blimey, what age do kids stop using car seats??
We just used to pile into friends cars in the 80s and 90s 😂

There will be fanatics on here with 11 year olds in cat seats.

Uk car seat laws are among the strictest in the world.

Stick to your guns for safety and offer to give them your seat at drop off. That’s what a few of us parents do round our way. Some have spares too.

Iv given countless friends lifts/vice versa and we've always just lent the other one our car seat?

I refused to give another mum and her child a lift in this scenario, we were taking the kids on a day out and she asked if I could pick them up, I said I couldn't as I couldn't fit three car seats in the back of my small car, she said no worries as hers would just sit in the middle without one, I said no way. I know she did it with her own kid but no way am I driving someone else's small child (they were about 6) without a seat. Both of mine are in HBB though my oldest is now over 135, she's still comfortable and I know it's safer so why wouldn't I!

As others have said OP if they're over 125 I'd grab a spare booster cushion to lend out, if under then just meet them at pick up and hand over your HBB.