AIBU to resent friend on UC living better than us?

[Sunshineandrainbows123]

I know I am being unreasonable but just need to rant and I’m aware that perception is different to reality. I’ve worked hard all my life, since I was 14, paid my way through uni to get a decent qualification and job at the end of it all. I bought a house with my partner but as with so many of us I feel like I can’t rub 2 pennies together. Meanwhile a close friend claims universal benefits, has minimum 4 holidays a year, 2-3 abroad, gets regular beauty treatments, a new car and is able to regularly take her children to the cinema, days out and buy them new clothes, trainers and toys. I feel like I took the wrong path sometimes - she doesn’t have to pay rent for the home they live in, or school lunches for her kids, there are so many discounts and opportunities afforded to those on UC that working families don’t get. I don’t know if it’s better to distance myself. I know I need to probably give my head a wobble.

24k sounds high for 21 hours work

Yeah just calculated that and it's over £20 an hour

Why would you assume that women seek out rich men to have kids with to get more in maintenance - I am aware that some fathers don't pay. My mum got two pounds a week from my dad and my father's dad paid nothing for him - it should be the norm that father's pay

As my post said that includes the money she gets for her rent - 600 pounds a month and the money that she gets for her child from Uc. You don't get keeping the rent element - it goes to your landlord

I wouldn't mind, but when it comes to benefits, there's no need even to speculate. The amounts are not a secret. All the curious need to do is run their friends basic circumstances, number of children, rent etc through a calculator and they could know in an instant how much the friend was 'coining in'. Funnily enough, they invariably seem to prefer making assumptions based on far fetched anecdotes of excessive spending to facts and figures.

I didnt assume anything. I merely stated it would be the way to be better off on UC.

Besides women do seek out well off men to have kids with don't they? No use pretending they don't Many of them want men to support them and kids while they stay at home. Same difference

It seemed as though you were saying the 24k was just wages

I always find this rather an odd argument. I have never viewed paying taxes as 'paying for someone else'. I've always thought of it as a bit of insurance against the day when I might need help.
I have never claimed benefits, having been fortunate to not need it. But I don't begrudge paying because I don't know what's round the corner, and neither do you. I once read that most people on middle to high incomes are only a few pay cheques away from losing it all.

The other point against the argument of 'paying for someone else' is that we are, in fact, paying for the society we live in, and we all benefit from that society being educated, fed, in decent housing and having some standard of life.

People with no work/money etc, don't magically disappear if there aren't benefits, you know. There's a few more people on this little island than there was in the days when 'benefits' consisted of relying on the capricious charity of the 'haves'. Taking the self-focussed view of the 'I don't want to pay for other people' ideology, it's a bit harder to escape the effects of multiple people living on the breadline by simply living in a posh area.

I imagine she is either in debt or has a generous family. My neighbour is on UC but her family pay for her car and holidays for her and her son.

I would not want to swap for her life with a life limiting condition though.

As a country we are far too generous in benefits. I’m hoping a new Government in the future will clamp down on this

I wouldn’t put up with a man just for his money. I can’t imagine there are many women who would voluntarily get in a relationship, get pregnant and go through the stress of getting CM just to get their nails done every week?

Are you sure about that or are you just believing what you read on social media

Comparison is the thief of joy. You don't know what this person may have had to sacrifice to live the life they life. Focus only on your own life.

I did assume she was getting the living wage but yes I meant in total

We actually aren't compared to some other European countries

It sound to me like either she or the children also get disability benefits, her car may be a motability one and she most likely applies for grants to help with her holidays and kids things.

The reason that working tax credits were brought in was to help people on min wage. When my brother started in his job 17 years ago he got a top up as his wages were so poor at that point - and he works full time - if employers paid more people would not need as much in top ups

Come back to us when you've seen current rates of benefits and explain a bit more about how generous they are.

You don’t sound very nice and that woman is not your friend. You should tell her how you feel, or better yet show her this thread, let her free herself of your judgment and make some real friendships.

If people think benefits are too generous I hope you are never in the position where you worry about a heating bill. I get the warm home discount now but I don't automatically qualify and for years I didn't

Try heating your home in winter from 400 pounds a month. Im in Scotland where we pay more - and winters are colder.

Try living on them. You might change your mind.

I thought something very similar a while ago. But then I broke it all down and it very much did come to lifestyle and what I suppose I call "Luxuries"

The people I was comparing myself and income to were a lower income family. Turns out they dont actually buy new, what looks like new is bloody good buys on vinted and eBay, Facebook market place etc for furniture and clothing. They sold what they no longer wanted. They only have YouTube for TV. The have no other tv streaming services.

I like my Netflix, apple tv, Spotify etc. I like to eat what I consider well, well for me as a family anyway. Fresh foods meals from scratch, takeaway once a month. They did mostly frozen food activity looking for bargains on shopping in different shops. No takeaways.

After giving my head a massive wobble I discovered they were just far more clever with what they spent their money on and went on the expensive holidays I couldn't.

Fair play to them I say. I now save quite a bit from getting bargings on Vinted etc.

I never brought it up with them or with anyone and just simply wondered and pondered alone. I feel quite crap about how I thought and now really admire them.

Isn’t she better of just staying with the rich bloke (or one of them) in these circumstances? Much better off financially than just getting maintenance from said bloke.

@ByBreezyUserI know this. My DF was on pip a long time. She runs a very physical property and the hobbies are also physical. The pip is not for mental health or hidden disabilities either.

I only mention pip as there are no car expenses

I do wonder how people on benefits can afford to do so much! Friends of ours with 2 kids (both on the spectrum) claim everything possible! Yet they go abroad at least twice a year, have UK based holidays and go away for weekends. Plus they go to various children’s activity centres at least twice a week, have a family annual pass to a theme park and manage to go out for meals! Yet I work hard and can’t afford half of what they do!

You do understand its not like this for everyone on universal credit - including people with kids?