AIBU to resent friend on UC living better than us?

[Sunshineandrainbows123]

I know I am being unreasonable but just need to rant and I’m aware that perception is different to reality. I’ve worked hard all my life, since I was 14, paid my way through uni to get a decent qualification and job at the end of it all. I bought a house with my partner but as with so many of us I feel like I can’t rub 2 pennies together. Meanwhile a close friend claims universal benefits, has minimum 4 holidays a year, 2-3 abroad, gets regular beauty treatments, a new car and is able to regularly take her children to the cinema, days out and buy them new clothes, trainers and toys. I feel like I took the wrong path sometimes - she doesn’t have to pay rent for the home they live in, or school lunches for her kids, there are so many discounts and opportunities afforded to those on UC that working families don’t get. I don’t know if it’s better to distance myself. I know I need to probably give my head a wobble.

People on benefits don't need to be lumped into one group - particularly when people are trying to suggest that everyone on benefits lives the high life - there are all sorts of reasons why people get extra money. Disability. Paying extortionate rents. Not having enough earnings to live on. If being on benefits is so good why do so many people in the UK live well below the poverty line?

Im not surprised by this you have described my neighbours life. single parent household. Car , nails holidays etc. My mum received benefits for over 30 years and when she passed she left 50,000 pounds in a box in her house.

Would you like to compare that experience to mine of running a home on anything between 317 and 400 pounds a month and having to choose between heating and eating or is it to be assumed that all people on benefits are loaded?

I work full time as an nhs nurse, I get some UC top up.I have a disabled child.
i still have to pay prescription costs, dentist etc

I don’t believe this OP. UC alone is not enough to cover all of this. I would wager that she is doing some sort of work ‘unofficially’, has an inheritance that she hasn’t declared, or something like that. Is it possible she and/or her kids are on PIP? (Or whatever it’s called now), cos that can be a fair amount although still (I wouldn’t have thought) not enough for the lifestyle you describe.

It’s the disability benefits that bump it up. I have a close family member who has a similar life, multiple holidays a year, nights out almost every weekend, expensive days out with the kids. But all their kids receive disability benefits so that’s just under £900 for them, £200 Scottish child payment, £170 child benefit, carers allowance £340 a month, around £1000 from uc and around £1500 part time wage income. Comes to a household income of almost 50k a year. There would be even more if one of the adults were claiming a disability benefit too.

There is absolutely no way she’s managing to do this on universal credit alone. She’s either finding the money some other way or borrowing it. Everyone I know on UC is scraping pennies together. I’m also on UC and PIP and was also scraping by until I managed to finally get a part time job and finally have some money that I can actually spend on myself but even then I wouldn’t be able to do anything like go on holiday because of illness.

You’re not unreasonable to feel jealous of the fact that she’s somehow getting a new car and going on four holidays a year. I’d be bloody jealous. Especially when you’re scraping by. But there could be various reasons that she’s able to afford it. E.g., gifted by parents? People paying for her so she can go?

either that or she’s doing something shifty

Is it that you think your friends should receive less or that you wish your children were disabled so you could receive more?

I'd argue, from experience, that having disabled children definitely counts as hard work. Compared to my home life, my job is almost relaxing.

I also don't see why people who work part time have to be condemned for going on holiday. It's a myth that all women who are on benefits spend their money on beauty treatments. Lashes. Nails

I have a friend who is on UC. She's got one child. She's got disabilities that she's had from childhood but she gets no extra money. She struggles. She gets nothing from the child's dad - he's abusive and he's not allowed contact with his kid. Court order. There's no norm when it comes to benefits and what people get

I wouldn't wish disability on anybody speaking as someone who had an accident two years ago and ended up disabled. I would rather have had my old life. I have a friend with 3 disabled kids. Her life isn't easy

OP, I’d imagine she is getting extra help somewhere.
I work 26 hours a week (this will increase when both my children are in full time education), I get a little UC to top up my earnings, and I don’t have any rent/mortgage (I inherited my mums house). All of my kids clothes more or less come from Vinted, I don’t have a new car by any means and we manage one holiday a year. My dad does pay for a couple of other holidays for us each year and I get over £600 a month in maintenance as my children’s dad isn’t remotely involved.

This just wouldn’t work if I was only on UC, I’d imagine she’s either getting a large amount of maintenance or help from family.

That’s being picky. She doesn’t have to pay rent in the same way a person who earns money has to. But to appease your preciseness, rent still needs to
be paid…

That’s unfair. The OP earns her way in life and the friend seemingly doesn’t. Life shouldn’t work that way. People who work, regardless of what work they do, should be in a much better financial situation to those who don’t work (by choice).

We're on UC and it's a constant juggling act. I work 3 days a week. There is no way we could pay for anything more than a long weekend (and that only if some bit of the house didn't need fixing (own house).

Similar i work and get uc top up if I lost my job i wouldn't be able to afford to live as have a mortgage to pay. Very few people rely solely on uc as its not enough to live on

Completly agree with you poster. In similar situation to you and is frustrating all the benefits & discounts UC families get compared to those working.

People on UC and various other benefits argue they deserve a holiday/luxury etc but tbh why do they? Many cant be bothered to work / getting sick notes is very easy nowadays (I know as work in this field so see those "sick", others tell me no financial benefit in working & I just have to agree professional knowing they are better off than we are working full time). As others have mentioned childhood disability, i would never wish that on any children but surely the money should be used for their medical or care needs if receiving not the parents lavish lifestyle.

Days trips, beauty treatments holidays are a luxury you work for not a given for everyone yet we seem to have got to point in UK where working families cant do these things but those unemployed or on UC can. Its very backwards!

I buy everything cheap on vinted, dont get hair/nails or anything, do loads of walking or free activities and tbh im happy enough with that. I have good job but cant afford what those non working can often.

Those on benefits always want to say theyre worse off but they have it easy in UK compared to many countries. Workers are the sufferers in UK nowadays. Hard work gets you no-where anymore unfortunately 😕

The OP hasn't given enough detail. Her friend could work part time or be disabled - or both

They are surely you don't actually believe what op is saying. Standard uc for over 25s is £400 a month

Again what discounts im on universal credit and don't get anything please fill me in on what I'm missing out on so I can get all these discounts?

What benefits and discounts do people on UC get? Yes getting sick notes might be easy but the dwp can overrule them. I was turned down for disability benefits three times -including when I had a triple leg fracture

How very dare people be poor and need UC eh. How dare people have disabilities

Yes I would like to know too. Where are all the discounts that I'm missing out on. And benefits. My life isn't luxurious. My one luxury is a football season ticket just over 200 pounds and I get a discount because I'm a student. Not because I'm on Uc. And of course women always need lashes and beauty treatments - if I get my nails done it's from superdrug at a pound a pop. Hair dye a pound from pound land

People on benefits do not have it easy compared to Europe. We have much lower benefits rates than several other European countries - if you are going to state stuff like it's so easy not to work or that people on benefits are rich back it up with facts.

I get my nails of amazon 🤣🤣 and a dry trim twice a year thats as far as my beauty treatments go

Child maintenance doesn't affect benefits. Maybe the child's father is giving her a considerable amount? There are single mothers on benefits getting over a grand a month this way.

I would like you to tell me how a single person on UC can afford a holiday. They get 400 pounds a month. When I was on basic UC it was a constant struggle. I was suffering from depression - partly because I was poor and was constantly worrying about how I was going to manage from month to month - including when I was working and on Uc because I'm single with no kids. No in work allowance for me. Apparently George Osborne was going to give single people an in work allowance of 100 pounds a month - that's where you can keep 100 pounds of your wage before the taper kicks in - then he changed his mind