AIBU to resent friend on UC living better than us?

[Sunshineandrainbows123]

I know I am being unreasonable but just need to rant and I’m aware that perception is different to reality. I’ve worked hard all my life, since I was 14, paid my way through uni to get a decent qualification and job at the end of it all. I bought a house with my partner but as with so many of us I feel like I can’t rub 2 pennies together. Meanwhile a close friend claims universal benefits, has minimum 4 holidays a year, 2-3 abroad, gets regular beauty treatments, a new car and is able to regularly take her children to the cinema, days out and buy them new clothes, trainers and toys. I feel like I took the wrong path sometimes - she doesn’t have to pay rent for the home they live in, or school lunches for her kids, there are so many discounts and opportunities afforded to those on UC that working families don’t get. I don’t know if it’s better to distance myself. I know I need to probably give my head a wobble.

You are very strong.

Of course. I'm in a council flat. I actually owned my last flat but it had to be sold so I was homeless and I'm back in council accommodation again. Of course. That's why my mum bought her council house 30 years ago as she worked full time but wasn't rich or anywhere near it and didn't want to be paying rent in retirement

Thank you. That's nice of you to say. I don't feel it most days but all you can do is plod on. (worded it badly again, my gp gave me two months of sleeping pills there and it's them they've taken me off as they don't want you to get addicted)

Back to sleeping 3 hours a night :)

How is she? I have a friend exactly the same, it’s not just the benefits given it’s all the other entitlements, free school bus, free school meals, free prescriptions the list goes on.

Kids should get free school meals in my view. And people on UC don't get free prescriptions in England as far as I'm aware unless their income is very low

I grew up in a time where everyone knew the free dinner kids. They all had to go first with their dinner ticket

Same with NHS glasses. Everyone knew the poor kids. Why shouldn't kids get a free school dinner. Everyone. Not just poor kids. Scotland has it right in my view. Why shouldn't kids get a free hot meal at school?

Why are folk sitting resenting kids because they get a free dinner?

It’s the pull your socks up and get on with it brigade, they have no empathy or compassion for others. They should be ashamed of themselves.

I remember seeing something online in England where some kids in a family got free dinners and others didn't qualify and they were sneaking out food for their siblings. For some kids it's the only hot meal of the day and it's not because their mums spend all their money on lashes

There was a channel 4 documentary a few years ago and this kid said. I try not to eat too much. There are schools that have washing machines because their parents can't pay fuel bills . There's a baby bank 6 miles from where I live and it isn't because people are frivolous. They are poor

I buy Christmas presents for kids every year who have nothing. A charity in Glasgow that I support helped 17000 families last year. So don't tell me everyone on benefits lives the high life -they don't

During lockdown a community group near me fed people three days a week. Everyone. Not just people in poverty. I thought I had won the lottery.

They had school uniform banks. Period products. The football team I support does regular collections for foodbanks - if people weren't poor none of this would be needed

Not everyone who is poor is on the take. I can assure you of that and even though I have fuck all myself I always try and help people poorer than me.

I didn't even use foodbanks for that reason when I was poorer. Other people needed it more

Some people know how to play the system unfortunately. I know someone who gave up work as they were better off on benefits unfortunately. She has claimed she has mental health issues. She doesn't have her children as she isn't fit to have them but to support her, her ex has to pay her csa and she's that mental she's got the system fooled. The only way he can dispute it is going to court which he can't afford. She has been given a nice four bed detached house in a nice area. She gets 3k a month, (plus this housing free) in child benefits, uc, csa and dla. She's just got herself a nice new car too. So it does happen.

People don't just get giving up work - if they do they risk a sanction. How can someone pay child support if they don't have their kids? Sorry - that is horse shit

Actually no. I believe in having benefits. I believe rent cap at housing association levels is wrong and should be capped at average rent for the area. I believe in mobility scheme.

Don't call people"that mental" either. You honestly don't have the first clue - and you also don't just get given four bed houses. Particularly if you don't have access to your children

And if someone doesn't have their kids - the child benefit can be disputed. The primary carer can ask that they get it

She is mental she is horrible. She has turned up at peoples doors threatening to petrol bomb them or to smack them in and slash their car tyres. She would make sure her ex couldn't go out and do anything or go anywhere either by showing up at his or messaging and messaging when he was away or out doing something to the point he has had to hide days off.

She has gloated she knows how to play the courts and get them on her side. The dad had full custody of the children and was offering a safe and stable home and she kidnapped them to start getting csa and benefits again, but as she has PR unless he went to court there was nothing he could do and police wouldn't get involved. She has said even if he goes to court she will just keep breaking the court orders because it will cost him every time to go back to court and "she knows she won't get punished".

She has played the system very well. I'm fully aware of the situation as I've been witness to the years worth of abuse, social services and police calls, and yes she has been given a four bed house.

I am 100% confident that 99% of people on UC are not like this but there are the odd ones who play the system very very well.

Yes, people with kids who have disabilities get quite an income, and this includes a motability car etc.

Many frankly shouldn't be receiving extra payments for ADHD or high-functioning autism. It should really only be for the most severe children, but hey ho.

This

There's no way she's on multiple holidays abroad on UC alone unless she's either claiming single parent benefits AND has an undeclared working partner bringing a lot of income into her household or she's claiming a ton of disability benefits for herself and a few of her kids. I've been on UC myself and it's heavily benefit capped if you're not working unless there's disability benefits in the household

My friend who has three disabled children has no motability car

Perhaps she has parents who are able to help out or does OF in the evenings, who knows.

But she is also at a mercy of government if they decide to make changes etc. You stand on your own 2 feet. I know which i prefer (not the first).

Also, she will have no pension apart from one she gets from the government.

Swings and roundabouts…

I have been on both sides up until two years ago I never had to claim benefits. The last two years on my life on benefits was the best. I still worked though. 2 disabled children upped my claim massively. I have just inherited so had to come off but my kids had everything , free school dinners, free £30
vouchers every school holiday that x3 is £90. Free childcare in the holidays, London zoo tickets for £11.50 for family of 5.

Not quite true. I'm on benefits and I have always paid into a private pension when I was working and I still do - we aren't all people who don't know how to invest for the future -please stop assuming. The OPs friend could be in work

Should we suck up the damage my son has done before he has turned four because he won't be the most severe autistic child or the fact I can't work loads because the nursery won't take him for more than a morning instead of claiming DLA for him? Nope. I am sure most would love a child without disability.

We don't all have kids or live in London - you're just reinforcing the myth that it's really easy to be on benefits - when it isn't for a lot of people