What age did you start feeling life was finally sorted?

[Justsorted]

To ask…what age (if at all) did you finally feel like everything was sorted, all was in place and you had it pretty much (as much as you can I suppose) all figured out!? I’m 41 and finally just feeling that way, after a fairly tumultuous few years, and years before that of waiting for one thing to happen before I can sort the next. I finally finally feel sorted with my family, my home, my job, finances etc etc. Now I appreciate things can change at any moment but it’s the peace I feel that I’m not waiting, I’m not striving and stressing, I can just live. I didn’t think it would take this long. What about you?

My life has felt much calmer and happier in my 40’s. Probably because I give less fucks and don’t stress about the things I used to in my 20’s. I’ve still got goals I haven’t achieved yet but the older I get the more thankful I am.
Not sure that’s the same as having my life sorted, I don’t think I ever will because that could just be dull.

Can you tell me what you mean please? I'm contemplating having one in my late 30s and this is my fear.

I'm 52. Used to feel almost settled and sorted. Now have 2 kids at uni costing a fortune, work being done on the falling down house, worried about job security amidst massive outgoings, dad has cancer, mum will need support when he dies. Hoping to get back to settled and sorted in a few years....

50. Still waiting.

Had a brief moment around 30 when I thought I had, but no.

I’d say 40-42. But then I found out at 43 that I had cancer. I’m 45 now and may not live a long life, so so much for being able to enjoy the fruits of my labour. 😂

started mid 40s, but took a good 7/8 years

I'm not the OP you asked but you must realise that having a child has the biggest impact on your life you can ever imagine. It affects every single aspect, every single day (and night) for decades. And obviously once they're here, there's no going back. It depends I suppose why you're wanting a child. Is it your lifetime's dream? Would you feel incomplete as a person without being a mother?

I’ll let you know

@lisa7843

Im feeling similar and I’m also 37. Kids are 16, 14 and 11. Degree, house, career ✔️.

Finally starting to breathe. But then it depends, because… teenagers 🤦‍♀️.

Definitely 40, felt the best I’ve ever felt, kids at good ages, happy in job, great love life. Know what I want and like. And it’s just got better

@TheHouse did you find you spent a lot of time focussing on trying to prove people wrong from having children young? I know I certainly did. My mum always said to me one day your friends will be having children and you’ll be smug (not said in a harsh way!), I’m definitely at the smug stage now but am a little despondent I didnt just live for myself a bit more and exerted too much energy worrying about what people thought of me.

We’re 46 and 50 and not there yet! It’s all ok, nothing bad going on, but still lots to get sorted.

I think one of the main reasons I felt settled in my 30s is because others stopped focusing on my life and I stopped caring. My whole 20s where people constantly when you going to have more kids, when you moving to a bigger house, why don't you do a uni course, when you getting married. Life felt so judged and stressful.

Nearly 52 and still waiting 🤷🏻‍♀️

Never. I'm 72, and in my experience every time you think life is "sorted", some horrible event/illness happens to scatter your carefully lined-up ducks.

Still waiting… I’m 45 🙈

When I was 37 and had just had dc2. I was married, had bought a house, completed a second degree
and was financially secure. Things have continued on a fairly level path since then (am now 47).

Well it’s not about it being a daring adventure for most unsettled people I assume, but personal and financial insecurity. Which is no fun.

@lisa7843

Absolutely. I had a reactive ambition due to having my children young. I wanted to beat the stereotype so I got the mortgage, the degree, the job, the marriage, and then by 35 I was very, very burnt out. I definitely did it to prove to others but now I don’t care.

The good thing is though after 20 years I still really love my husband so I feel quite lucky really. But now I chill a bit more these days. I don’t feel the need to prove myself. I am proud of what I’ve achieved but I am starting to breathe again and it feels lovely. I look back now and think I can’t believe I did all that, I get exhausted thinking about it 😂. So I think we deserve a little bit of smugness.

63 here and the only sense in which my life is groping towards becoming sorted is that I now begin to understand that it never will be sorted.
I understand it, but I don't accept it. Perhaps my life will finally be sorted when I do accept that it will never be sorted.

I'm working on that.

Thought I was there at age 51 but discovered 5 years later he’s on tinder so back to the drawing board for me

lol. Many of the things I thought I had sorted have been blown out of the water by life throwing shit at me.

I won’t feel like that until I get my state pension. That along with some work pensions will mean I will have enough guaranteed income without having to work for it. So three years time I can sit back and finally feel in control.

@TheHouse reactive ambition is such a good way of putting it.

We’re very similar, DH and I are equally still together happily after all these years. Something I recognise now I’m older as being very lucky, the odds were stacked against us but we grew up together rather than apart, makes a relationship quite special I think, of course the beauty of youthful ignorance is I didn’t consider it going any other way at the time!

Just now I think, at 35.

My parents are dead and my children are teens. I am my family matriarch now.

My job is secure and I'm not well off, but nor am I running out of money before I run out of month now, even if I still can't afford a car or a holiday...

Mostly, I feel content with myself. I no longer torture myself about the trauma and abuses of my earlier life. I don't want to be dead anymore; I have a lot to live for and I feel happy about that now. I have outlived everyone who has ever tortured me and feel satisfied with this - I have already reached an age that at one point I thought I never would.

I feel filled with a calm grace and walk the earth as a decent, caring and strong woman.