Wedding Aftermath

[Greenhairedmonstor]

I have been mulling on this for a week. I only want opinions as I don’t know what to think and I am not going to say anything to anybody.

DH, my step-children 13 and 17 and I were invited to a wedding on DH’s side.

My children 9 and 12 weren’t.

While I don’t blame groom and while my children have their own father and I have lots of childcare I felt weird about going to a family wedding without my children so I decided not to go,

My husband however, contacted the groom and very generously they invited my children however when we got to the reception my children were on a different table. They were on a table together about four tables away from me, with two couples and a baby. They were pleasant people.

My daughter kept coming over to me and a waitress asked her politely to sit down as they were going to bring out the main course.

My husband asked my stepson to swap seats but he refused and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son.

My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this.

What would you have done?

But it’s the stepdad who pushed for the invitation, so that argument doesn’t work here.

Only half the household was initially invited because that’s the half with whom the bride and groom actually have a relationship.

Well the aftermath has continued.

To clarify I did not throw a strop nor did my daughter cause a scene.

She was told gently that hot meals would be coming out.

The groom is my husband’s youngest brother.

My sister-in-law didn’t want to sit at a wedding with my son with whom I swapped seats.

My ex and I were struggling to pay for an overseas trip for our child who is in the first year of secondary school. My husband paid for this trip and my son was chatting about this trip at the wedding. My seventeen stepson apparently made a comment about spending their inheritance which my son took as a joke.

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my ex asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

A complete shit show. I should have stayed at home as I fully intended to.

I work full time and I was not the other woman.

The further context makes it even weirder. Why on earth wouldn’t the groom want his brother’s stepchildren there? Id assumed it was a far flung relative.
And why does your husbands ex think she has any right to weigh in about you and your children attending a wedding? Does she and the bride/groom still have a strong friendship? I wonder if you’re being thrown under the bus for the benefit of that?

@Greenhairedmonstor , bit of a drip-feed there and we could only go by what you told us.

Your husbands ex contacted your ex about why her ex BIL invited his children to his wedding!!!????!!!!

Quite. The stepson sounds an arse too.

Blimey. How often does your DH see his own kids? Has he paid for them to take similar trips? It sounds like they are having difficulties adjusting to your kids being in his life

Op did you ask your own kids beforehand if they wanted to go, or u just wanted it for yourself? As weddings aren’t particularly exciting for a 9 and 12 yo. I personally would just have either gone just with step kids, if your own kids wouldn’t have minded, or stayed away. You shouldn’t have angled for an invite for your kids. look what happened anyway, all this drama for nothing!

Except OP didn’t angle for an invite…

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my HUSBAND asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

I am so sorry. Our exes wouldn’t know each other. My stepchildren’s mother spoke to her ex. i.e. my husband. I assume because her children are moaning to her.

Exactly. I just can’t imagine being stood in a group of women/mothers and hearing someone talk about a child like this, even if they thought it. Because they know the rest of the group would think they are vile. This is the issue with the internet, it gives either those with horrible views or those who just want to rage bait the anonymous platform to be twats. It says a lot about their weak characters tbh.

Op it’s shocking that the groom didn’t invite his brothers stepchildren and speaks volumes about how they view your family. I wouldn’t have gone and I would be reevaluating my relationship with them going forward too.

I can see why he divorced her, what a nightmare.

More likely SHEs moaning and putying it in her kids heads in the first place.

Your DH’s ex no longer has a vote on DH’s finances, family wedding arrangements, and blended family setup. She lost her vote when they divorced.

I assume her children are moaning to her.

In fairness, children should be allowed to discuss things with their own mothers.

I would definitely had said to my own mother ‘you will never guess what happened at Uncle Dave’s wedding! I was sitting next to Auntie Pam on a table with our Alex and Dad and Jane and I was just telling Auntie Pam about how college was going because I haven’t seen her for ages and Jane asked me to move tables because Nina wouldn’t stay in her seat’.

OP that sounds very much like a DH problem. It’s his to sort out with his ex. Personally if he’s not shutting this crap down I’d be reconsidering my relationship with him. No way would I put my children in a situation where they have to listen to this.

Honestly this is why I would never remarry if I was a single mother with kids.

Why are you or your DH sharing with your SS sensitive info family finances?

They probably aren’t discussing finances. It’s not hard to assume that your ex would be contributing financially to children that are living under the same roof as him.

Exactly. He’s 17, not 7.

She didn’t angle for anything. Read the post and subsequent comments.

To seat children away from their parents is unreasonable. I wouldn't care if they were 18+ to be honest - we're a family and unless there's physically too many of us for 1 of your tables, then seat us together or don't bother "fitting us in". Or they should have split you up - one adult per table. You and your 2 children your DH and his 2 children. Either way, the 2 children on their own sounds incredibly sad.

But he was just sitting in his own allocated seat talking to his own family at a family wedding. Maybe he was enjoying himself at a lovely event.

They had done their seating plans , invited who they wanted. Your husband made a fuss. They accomodated you. If they had sat then next to you that would mess up their seating plans you were very rude to expect them to be invited

I did not expect my children to be necessarily invited but when they weren’t I felt weird about the prospect of going to a wedding without them but with my stepchildren. I would happily have declined but husband asked (not demanded) for an invitation for them.

My only AIBU is whether they should have sat us all together?

My own son happily changed seats and he was the one who told the table about his ski trip and how he was able to go on it.

This has annoyed my step-children and they told their mother.

I actually didn’t tell my children they weren’t invited so there wasn’t a conversation about whether they wanted to come.

Over all they both had a nice time.

Ignore her and you and your DH do exactly what you want.