Wedding Aftermath

[Greenhairedmonstor]

I have been mulling on this for a week. I only want opinions as I don’t know what to think and I am not going to say anything to anybody.

DH, my step-children 13 and 17 and I were invited to a wedding on DH’s side.

My children 9 and 12 weren’t.

While I don’t blame groom and while my children have their own father and I have lots of childcare I felt weird about going to a family wedding without my children so I decided not to go,

My husband however, contacted the groom and very generously they invited my children however when we got to the reception my children were on a different table. They were on a table together about four tables away from me, with two couples and a baby. They were pleasant people.

My daughter kept coming over to me and a waitress asked her politely to sit down as they were going to bring out the main course.

My husband asked my stepson to swap seats but he refused and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son.

My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this.

What would you have done?

What would you have done?

Not guilted the bride and groom into an invitation before making a fuss about the seating plan.

Bride and groom were super rude to only invite half a family.
Selfish bastards. It's not as if it was their special day.

Having a special day and behaving appropriately aren’t mutually exclusive.

Being a guest and behaving appropriately aren’t mutually exclusive.

Still doesn’t excuse having no etiquette. Incredibly rude and insulting of them to only class half of the family as worthy of an invite.

Funnily enough, pushing someone to invite your children to something which is not to do with them isn’t great on the etiquette front either.

Couldn't agree with you more.
Who does this?
I wouldn't want me or my children around them again.
I feel so sorry for children in blended situations.
It may work for some parents, but very very rarely for the children.

The OP said she had plenty of childcare options but instead she chose to make the day about her children who then misbehaved.

Still, I’m sure it won’t be an issue in future as people will probably think twice about inviting any of you (including your step children) to future events in case of a repeat of this

Their wedding. It wasn't half a family, it was the related half of a blended family.

So children of blended families should be invited to every wedding on both sides?

If I remarried, should I be inviting my cousin's step-children who I've never met?
I could invite him, him +1, or him+1, his 3 DC, their 2 half-siblings and their 3 step-siblings. (I have never met the half- and step-siblings)

Exactly! I don’t think Op has stated who the relatives were and if they are close with her children. You can’t ( and shouldn’t have to ) invite everyone to a wedding.

Fully agree, they shouldn’t have asked for an invite. Op shouldn’t have gone. Personally I wouldn’t want to go and celebrate the wedding of people who though so little of my family anyway.

But it was her husband who asked ( we have no idea if he pushed) for the invite.

she was quite happy not attending

‘Thought so little of her family’?

They are clearly not that close so I don’t suppose they gave them any thought. They invited their relatives (OP’s husband and stepchildren) and Op (presumably because she’s the wife of a relative).

There would be loads of people there that aren’t related to the B & G

Well yes, but presumably they would be people they knew - friends they had invited.

That’s just a fig leaf - she knew exactly her DH was asking - and if she was then aware of social etiquette she would have been so mortified by his excruciating behaviour on her behalf unasked for she would have righted that and declined - not rock up with her appalling behaved DD and allow her to disrupt and disrespect the proceedings.

I always wonder when I read these threads, whether the guests who feel put out or overlooked actually enjoyed the wedding at all, or if they’re only seeing it from their own perspective. The bride and groom invited you to celebrate their marriage, after all.

Most of these posts, this being the first one I’ve seen after the wedding, focus entirely on the guest’s experience and feelings. But did you actually enjoy the day for what it was? A wedding is about the couple, and ideally the people there are there because they genuinely want to celebrate that with them.

Reaching

The guests behaved absolutely appropriately.

You are joking presumably.

The OP said

‘I definitely didn’t cause a scene at someone’s wedding. I quietly swapped seats.’

Where the joke?

Ok then. Suppose what you will.
In my opinion I think it’s bad form to differentiate between the children in such an obvious way. The op and her dh are married, they are a family and should be treated as a unit. Invite all or none of the kids. However they shouldn’t have angled for extra invites, op just shouldn’t have gone.
Sitting them on different tables was ridiculous.

My posts? You mean my two posts surrounding this subject? Where I didn’t actually even state my view on OPs children being strong armed into the wedding? Jesus. You’re as dull as dishwasher, dear.

@Villanousvillans ,

My husband however, contacted the groom - did he ask if his SC could come? If yes, CFery
My daughter kept coming over to me - not expected guest behaviour
a waitress asked her politely to sit down - in otherwords DD was creating a problem
My husband asked my stepson to swap seats - why should the son move?
but he refused - he could have agreed but he was quite right to not move. He was sitting with his brother and his father, why should he swap with his step-sister?
I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son.
FFS, you're the children's mother.
My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this. - I don't blame them.
and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. - she didn't need to vocalise it but I don't blame her for finding it annoying.

Arguing people shouldn't have to miss out on being with family, and labelling their children "randomers" in the same paragraph is quite the choice.