Wedding Aftermath

[Greenhairedmonstor]

I have been mulling on this for a week. I only want opinions as I don’t know what to think and I am not going to say anything to anybody.

DH, my step-children 13 and 17 and I were invited to a wedding on DH’s side.

My children 9 and 12 weren’t.

While I don’t blame groom and while my children have their own father and I have lots of childcare I felt weird about going to a family wedding without my children so I decided not to go,

My husband however, contacted the groom and very generously they invited my children however when we got to the reception my children were on a different table. They were on a table together about four tables away from me, with two couples and a baby. They were pleasant people.

My daughter kept coming over to me and a waitress asked her politely to sit down as they were going to bring out the main course.

My husband asked my stepson to swap seats but he refused and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son.

My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this.

What would you have done?

That’s not how it works. Adding a couple of kids to a wedding meal won’t cost an extra £270 quid each. My cousin asked at the last minute if his partner’s kids could come because they were supposed to be with their dad, but he had cancelled and they had no childcare. We swapped one couple out of their table on to another that had space, and the hotel didn’t charge us extra for a couple of kids’ meals. Even if they had, I wouldn’t have minded paying for these random kids I had never met. It made things easier for my cousin, and later that week he came and cut my grass for me - even though we aren’t that close, he just turned up and said he was doing it.

So you think it’s fair to punish a 9 year old with being uncomfortable around strangers as they’re ‘unwanted’? Vs a young adult who is more than capable of starting a conversation.
The way step children in new families are viewed on mumsnet is frightening.

The bride and groom could just have said no, rather than doing this. Nobody knows where they will be sat before they get to a wedding, they wouldn’t have known if it changed. Unless it was a tiny wedding, the seating chart wouldn’t have been so finely balanced that swapping some things around would ruin the entire day for someone. This was petty and unnecessary.

Read the OP's post again. She didn't ask for her children to be included. Her husband did. She was just going to send her regrets without any drama.

Good for you if you were happy to do it.

You know not everyone is going to be happy about it though? And the fact the daughter caused drama during the event made it worse.

I have worked weddings and for the waitress to speak to her means she was more disruptive than the OP is implying.

The B&G were very kind to allow it - perhaps they were guilted into it. Either way, to whine about seating and for the daughter to keep getting up really is beyond entitled.

I expect there was some drama though. When she saw the invite it is likely she then said to her DH well I'm not going if my children aren't. So this is where he intervened (we other see men criticised on MN for not doing anything) and the children were invited, however this was still wrong.

Fuck me. The level of entitlement… I am so glad I dint know people like this in real life 🙈🙈🙈🙈

The reading comprehension on this thread is depressing

The OP did not "throw a strop"
She did not "force the couple to invite her children"

She was going to quietly, and without drama, decline. Then her husband contacted the couple to ask if the children coul go. The couple should have either said no or arranged the seating so that the two children weren't sat with complete strangers.

It is more likely that there was an element of being pushy.

Poor Op eh put in this awful position had to go out and buy her now invited dc new wedding outfits take them under duress and then not be sitting with them,to be what "polite" .

Posters not agreeing with the Op has nothing to do with reading comprehension.

Absolutely ridiculous of the couple to sit children with strangers. I’d hope it was a thoughtless decision by people who don’t know much about kids. But it could have been a deliberately nasty thing to do because they didn’t want the kids there and were proving a point. I’d keep an eye on it going forwards tbh.

The only thing I’d have done differently to the OP is swap with one of the kids immediately.

Fuck me, MN is a parallel universe 🙈😂

But then some posters who don’t agree with OP have along the way invented a tantrum or strop haven’t they?

And those who agree with her are inventing a passive aggressive move by the couple to seat the children there.

The Op is the one who wasn’t happy about her children not being invited. Of course it might have just been mentioned casually but unlikely - CF behaviour tends to be pushy

Husband shouldn't have asked simple as. Bride and Groom have enough to be doing at that stage to then start fannying about finding space for 2 kids (who probably don't want to be there) that keeps everyone happy.

The 17 year old should not have been an option to move. Nothing at all to do with him and down to the parents to resolve between themselves. 9 year old was only 'punished' because OP and husband didn't have the sense to swap straight away.

You can "quietly show displeasure" and it still be a strop about something.

This is different tho. Your cousin didn’t flounce on receiving his invite because his DCs weren’t invited - his DCs old enough to know better then didn’t behave in a disrespectful and disruptive manner during the main part of the celebrations and he then didn’t try to eject a wedding guest off their table with their family to reward the bad behaviour of the DC.

Also I highly doubt the OP has gone round to cut the grass of the B&G to express gratitude for their last minute accommodations. Instead they are still huffing about and doubling down on their series of ignorant and CF behaviours and desperately trying and failing to get anyone to agree that they were polite, gracious and impeccably behaved weddings guests on a couples most important day of their life.

Entitlement? What part of my post suggests any entitlement? Other than stating a fact that most 17yo are better equipped to be sat with strangers than 9yo?
I’m glad I don’t know people has hyperbolic as you in real life. Drama llama!

You were completely unreasonable not to go to the wedding as your husbands partner, without your children who arent really related to the couple. However, given they had agreed to invite your children, it seems odd to sit you with your step children and not your actual children, who are younger and presumably dont know many people there. Probably better all round if your children hadnt gone, actually.

It wasn't 'cruel' not to invite them. FFS

An extended family member to their step dad is not necessarily their 'family', they may well not have even known them.

OP even says she had plenty of babysitting options for them with their actual family members. There was no reason to make any of this an issue and force the inclusion, which her husband did in the end.

I don’t believe that. Men usually aren’t so forward thinking. I bet she wasn’t happy the children weren’t invited and nagged her DH to go and do something about it.

The 17 yo is also a stepchild. I'd imagine he was having a nice time with his dad, sibling and aunts/uncles (can be rare get togethers in some families) and was annoyed to be asked to be bumped down so his dad's new stepchild could take his place.

Having read your posts, that’s quite a compliment 😂😂