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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

5 year old said this about coparent time - concerned but unsure

78 replies

penguinparty00 · 27/03/2026 22:43

My little boy is 5 and I co-parent we do not talk only to communicate when necessary about our son on an app) very strained but we never let show in our communication as it’s limited and only when needed. My little boy asked if we could get a dog and as the conversation took its natural course he mentioned that he really likes it when he gets to stay in on his own at his dads while his dads asleep and dads girlfriend takes their dog out.l, I said oh what do you mean and he said he gets to stay on his own on the sofa while his dads asleep in the mornings and his dads girlfriend takes the dog out, I said oh right you mean once garden and he said no for a walk around the estate they live on. I feel conflicted, on one hand what he does at his dads is really none of my concern but I can’t help but be concerned of the safety aspect of if this is true leaving a 5 year old in his own! Just looking
for advice, do I raise this is a message to
Coparent to try and understand it as there could be a huge chunk of information my little boy has missed out?

OP posts:
Pherian · 28/03/2026 15:53

penguinparty00 · 27/03/2026 22:43

My little boy is 5 and I co-parent we do not talk only to communicate when necessary about our son on an app) very strained but we never let show in our communication as it’s limited and only when needed. My little boy asked if we could get a dog and as the conversation took its natural course he mentioned that he really likes it when he gets to stay in on his own at his dads while his dads asleep and dads girlfriend takes their dog out.l, I said oh what do you mean and he said he gets to stay on his own on the sofa while his dads asleep in the mornings and his dads girlfriend takes the dog out, I said oh right you mean once garden and he said no for a walk around the estate they live on. I feel conflicted, on one hand what he does at his dads is really none of my concern but I can’t help but be concerned of the safety aspect of if this is true leaving a 5 year old in his own! Just looking
for advice, do I raise this is a message to
Coparent to try and understand it as there could be a huge chunk of information my little boy has missed out?

He’s not alone. He’s at his dad’s house. His dad is in the house. I assume he isn’t passed out hungover or on drugs (that would be different). Maybe find out what your little boy does during that time - like watch tv, who makes him breakfast l, gets him dressed etc. If he’s being cared for - then raising an alarm would be unnecessary and probably just add more strain.

ColesCorner7814 · 29/03/2026 08:26

Cob81 · 28/03/2026 13:49

Bully? What are you talking about? Nobody bullied her. You’re clearly one of these irritating people who thinks if someone says the opposite opinion to yours then they’re bullying you.
Why would you say if she was doing it she’d be a bad mother but it’s ok if dad’s doing it?? Most if not all of the replies prior to yours were mothers saying their kids get up before them and get snacks or breakfast and turn tv on so why did you just make that up saying if mothers do it they’re bad?? I’ve done it with all of my kids, yes, other mother, they’re all extremely independent and can fix themselves cereal or toast from they were very young, why wouldn’t you allow your child that independence?? You can be there right with them and then when they want to do it when you’re not up before them then they’ll know what to do and clean up after themselves and watch tv til you’re up. At least OP took on board other people’s perspective before creating drama between her and the ex over a minor issue, if people want to baby their kids longer than needed and run round after them into adulthood then go ahead, but don’t be calling people bullies just because they are of the opinion that a 5 year old sat watching tv on the sofa while his dads still sleeping is wrong, we are raising independent self aware kids, I know a lad late 20’s who still won’t wash a cup after himself and barely makes himself cereal because his mother always insisted she’d to be up before him and done everything for him, ironically he hasn’t spoken to her in years for absolutely no reason, just turned into a self absorbed, spoiled, compulsive attention seeking liar, he was babied far too long past the age of 3

Show quote history

I read it as ‘By’ not ‘Bully’ - I guessed it was a typo as ‘by’ makes sense in the context of the sentence.

boredoflaundry · 01/04/2026 09:51

Do you hover lots?
I think from your description he wants you to get a dog and go for a walk for half an hour and leave him in peace!
…. I do think 5 is a bit young for you to do that though.

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