5 year old said this about coparent time - concerned but unsure

[penguinparty00]

My little boy is 5 and I co-parent we do not talk only to communicate when necessary about our son on an app) very strained but we never let show in our communication as it’s limited and only when needed. My little boy asked if we could get a dog and as the conversation took its natural course he mentioned that he really likes it when he gets to stay in on his own at his dads while his dads asleep and dads girlfriend takes their dog out.l, I said oh what do you mean and he said he gets to stay on his own on the sofa while his dads asleep in the mornings and his dads girlfriend takes the dog out, I said oh right you mean once garden and he said no for a walk around the estate they live on. I feel conflicted, on one hand what he does at his dads is really none of my concern but I can’t help but be concerned of the safety aspect of if this is true leaving a 5 year old in his own! Just looking
for advice, do I raise this is a message to
Coparent to try and understand it as there could be a huge chunk of information my little boy has missed out?

I’m glad I’m not the only one 😅

One of the joys of being a child is going downstairs in your jammies, getting cereal and watching kids tv. With no parents around!

All sounds very normal. We used to get the Calpol off the top of the fridge too when there was nothing sweet (left) in the house. I have fond memories of making 'milkshakes' using outrageous quantities of cappuccino powder and sugar.

Do you never sleep when your son's in the house?

He's not on his own! His dad is asleep upstairs! My kids have always been early risers and from the age of 4 have got themselves up on a weekend and sat on the sofa watching TV. At the age of 5/6 I was getting them bowls, the cereal and the milk ready for them to do themselves a bowl of cereal and a glass of milk.

They’re not fond memories for me but the difference is we were left alone a lot because my dad was an alcoholic.
It was a miracle we never got badly hurt.
My older sister once lined the grill pan with a plastic bag because we’d run out of tin foil. She nearly burned the kitchen down.
A few minutes or little while on their own is a different story.
They have to have some safety sense though and when they’re very young they can be a wild card and do something you really wouldn’t expect.

For those who wouldn’t allow it, what happens if your child wakes up in the night? When I was that age I wouldn’t have gone into my parents’ unless I was ill.

Also our toilet was just outside the house so if I needed a pee I had to go downstairs.

I am confused. The dad is there sleeping, no? You never sleep when your kid is at home? Either longer in the morning or during the day?

I think co-parenting is so difficult as many issues come up where it’s not wonderful parenting but it doesn’t reach threshold for concern and it feels like this is it. Personally - letting small kids go get their own breakfast and watch tv while parents sleep isn’t a choice I would make (I’d be afraid of choking risks, we have very limited screen time and I’m never hungover minding my children which i think plays a role in parents not able to get up in morning) but I am also privileged to have a parenting partner and have neurotypical kids so I can see in some scenarios where it would work well for a family and even if it’s a choice coming from dads disinterest in parenting it’s still not reaching a threshold for concern. Keep checking in with your son to keep eye on what’s going on though!

Yes, I put a post up about a week or so ago asking about putting the telly on for my five-year-old and got beaten down because I wasn’t up with him and he was God forbid two rooms away in the house eating something and watching the telly. Absolutely fine for a dad to do it though, apparently.

I agree with you OP. this is lazy parenting here. He’s only 5. Dads should get up and cook breakfast for them both.

TBH honest when mine were that small I would only doze at most if they were up.

But if they are upset in the night, they do tend to wake you - don't we all know it!

And the middle of the night tends not to be a time when they decide to recreate a Knickerbocker Glory using the blender to chop the marshmallows - or all the other sorts of "Home Alone" shenanigans that children become inspired to indulge in when unsupervised.

So your children wake you up when they wake up? 😱

It must be generational. If i
had woken my parents every time I woke up/needed to go to the loo, they would have gone batshit 🤣

And I am not talking about if they are upset - just that they wake up

He's not left fully home alone if dad is in the house whilst the girlfriend is out walking the dog. Maybe have a conversation with your son you know him best. Does he know he can go to his dad if he needs him for anything?

Bully? What are you talking about? Nobody bullied her. You’re clearly one of these irritating people who thinks if someone says the opposite opinion to yours then they’re bullying you.
Why would you say if she was doing it she’d be a bad mother but it’s ok if dad’s doing it?? Most if not all of the replies prior to yours were mothers saying their kids get up before them and get snacks or breakfast and turn tv on so why did you just make that up saying if mothers do it they’re bad?? I’ve done it with all of my kids, yes, other mother, they’re all extremely independent and can fix themselves cereal or toast from they were very young, why wouldn’t you allow your child that independence?? You can be there right with them and then when they want to do it when you’re not up before them then they’ll know what to do and clean up after themselves and watch tv til you’re up. At least OP took on board other people’s perspective before creating drama between her and the ex over a minor issue, if people want to baby their kids longer than needed and run round after them into adulthood then go ahead, but don’t be calling people bullies just because they are of the opinion that a 5 year old sat watching tv on the sofa while his dads still sleeping is wrong, we are raising independent self aware kids, I know a lad late 20’s who still won’t wash a cup after himself and barely makes himself cereal because his mother always insisted she’d to be up before him and done everything for him, ironically he hasn’t spoken to her in years for absolutely no reason, just turned into a self absorbed, spoiled, compulsive attention seeking liar, he was babied far too long past the age of 3

I don’t get this as majority of replies are mothers saying they do it themselves. Maybe you titled it wrong and attracted the snobby stuck up twats out of the woodwork. I most certainly would have 100% being on your side, all my kids done it over the years, not every day but some weekends or holidays they’d be up before me, my now youngest is autistic so he’s the only one you can’t let have free rein if the house alone 😂 We’d waken up thinking we’d been ranksacked and burgled because the place would be in total chaos he throws random things on the floor and rips things up just for the craic and walks on

I agree with this.
Yes, at 5 they can get up and get some cereal/a glass of juice etc but it just takes one thing not to go as planned and suddenly things get dangerous (thinking things like getting scissors or a knife to open a new cereal box or seeing bacon in the fridge and deciding to try making a bacon sandwich using the grill. Or seeing something outside and nipping out by themselves to see it.)
My kids have always been sensible but at the end of the day they are still kids. I have always been up before them, I just don't like the idea of them waking up to an 'empty' house🤷‍♀️
I am sure most parents will 'get away' with unsupervised young children making breakfast but for the ones that don't get away with it I bet they wish they had just got up a bit earlier.

Does that mean an adult must always be awake at all times? Don't be daft.

No I said if there is something wrong.

If they just go the the loo and back, I'm not sure they really wake up themselves.

But it isn't a quick loo trip that is the issue; it's wandering round getting "creative."

Well I'm not sure there is an issue with that is there? Unless they don't go back to sleep and just stay up, but I'm not sure ours ever do that.

That’s what I mean about never having your child unsupervised. I had to wake up sufficiently to find the key, go out of the house, use the toilet and let myself in again - I was fully awake particularly the time I locked myself out .😬

I never left my DC unsupervised at that age. I usually get up before then now but if not I would rouse myself to chat and provide a good start to the day with loving human contact before we went our separate ways. Starting the day alone with parents who are not interested in spending any time with you is lonely.

Does GF suggest that DS goes on the dog walk? This would let his dad sleep in if tired after hard week at work without DS being alone. Then they could all spend time together once they got back home. Otherwise it seems like DC is an inconvenience and has to entertain himself.

His dad’s asleep on the couch with him there, have ye never been ill and had to bunker down on the sofa with the kids?