Do I ring him? Or sack him off?

[MissNameChage3000]

Supposed to be going on a date tonight. The man confirmed the restaurant last night (he booked the table) but didn’t specify the time. I messaged him saying let me know the plans tomorrow.

I have not heard from him all day. I messaged an hour ago asking whats the plan. He hasn’t been online for a few hours.

Shall I ring him? If we’re still going I need to start getting ready soon. (Shower makeup etc) but don’t want to come across as needy.

He was just seeing what you would tolerate. Keep your standards high woman, and good luck x

That's why I said really good excuse such as he's had a bad accident and can't use his phone. But that's for her to judge. Otherwise he's had his chance.

And he couldn't flick you a text all day? It's a no from me.

Like he’d care 🤦‍♀️

This happened to me a few times with someone I was dating… it’s 100% a red flag.
He should tell you the time when he books it.

Absolutely. I think the “customers” were a lie. How long does it take to send back a quick text after the OP asked for a time to meet? Half the time now a persons phone will predict the text for them, so “booked for 7, sorry got customer!” would have been nice. He has no respect for the OP’s time or the OP herself if he thinks that she doesn’t deserve this.
The advice given by a pp to have got ready anyway, waited for his call and then said “Oh that’s sad, I’ve been dressed and waiting ages” is the sort of thing my now 86 year old mum would have given me and it truly is advice lifted from a 1950s woman’s magazine such as The Bride’s Book. The concept of a woman making excuses for a man who doesn’t show up reminds me also of some of Roy Lichtenstein’s art. Is this yet another example of “negging”?

You know it won't make him feel bad though. It's just making yourself look powerless and needy.

He isn't/wasn't bothered. There may not even have been a date. He has zero remorse and a message like that would just have amused him. OP did the right thing. He was just trying to play her.

Exactly. It’s just flattery for his ego and puts him further in control.

The man is a dick and isn’t worth a minute more thought. It is really annoying, so many men behave like this on the apps. They either get cold feet, never were really that interested to begin with, or I’m sure some of them enjoy trying to get you to turn up before they ghost (or start breadcrumbing).

You do learn to spot these behaviours. As others have said when a decent man actually likes you things feel easy and straightforward.

Well done for standing firm, not taking shit and handling yourself with dignity, OP.
Bullet dodged.

And as for "lovably incompetent" 🥴 … really, there are no words.

Fiver says he will message again soon with something vague like “hi, how are you?”

Why not ? They are not releasing his bank details or phone number - i think this is a great idea

“ hi my partner has booked tonight in the name of x for 7 oclock i think , and i think we may run late can i confirm with you that he booked for 7 ? “

that way you know … its not very sexy to not communicate and be organised so if you do end up going id make it clear that i was pissed off

I have not dated this guy hundreds of times in my past . There’s loads of them around

dont waste your time. Men who really want to date you make all the plans and communicate clearly well in advance

During my time OLD the absolute worst offender was someone who was a friend of a friend. We connected via an app and then we were both like omg you're single! And then he proceeded to mess me about and I always had an excuse because I 'knew' him. Actually he was a competent player, I think deliberately played the hot cold nonsense to create uncertainty and approval dependency - also probable sex addict - and I just got played but by someone I was less suspicious of than the usual OLD twat. Keep well away op, You've had a big red flag

I disagree

until you know someone you dont know if his communication is disrespectful reg flag / how he rolls or something else

we can all have life events and
scenarios where being a poor at organising/ communicating just happen and are not a reflection of our characters

i find it shocking how many women would write this man off before hearing his explanation

Ah just caught up….

his loss xxx

what s knob

What for?

All he had to do was contact her in good time to reschedule. He didn't do that. That's information that tells you all you need to know about the man.

How apologetic was he? Did you get the vibe it was genuine or he was trying to get out of your date?

@pimplebum But any sensible person would have told the OP what time the meal was booked for. That's common decency so someone can plan their day!

That's why it's 99% sure he never booked it.
He wanted to give the impression he was keen.

Also, he had oodles of time during the day to send a quick text with 'Meal booked for 8pm, sorry I'm rushed with work, look forward to meeting.'

I don't know how you think his behaviour was at all acceptable or even believable.

Eh?
Are you reading the same thread as everyone else?

Exactly. I'm wondering what on earth that poster meant.

Sorry OP, but I did find this hilarious. What??? You aren’t falling down on your knees and thanking sweet baby Jesus for sending you a “lovably incompetent” man? What’s wrong with you?!?!? We should all be so lucky to have a man who is selfish AF thick as pig shit “lovably incompetent.” Because you know, men just go wife a woman who is “lovably incompetent”; oh wait, no, they don’t, because that would mean a woman who couldn’t carry the family’s mental load. That’s almost worse than a broken horse 😔 I mean, if she can’t carry the mental load, what’s the point of her, right?