Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I ring him? Or sack him off?

245 replies

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 17:27

Supposed to be going on a date tonight. The man confirmed the restaurant last night (he booked the table) but didn’t specify the time. I messaged him saying let me know the plans tomorrow.

I have not heard from him all day. I messaged an hour ago asking whats the plan. He hasn’t been online for a few hours.

Shall I ring him? If we’re still going I need to start getting ready soon. (Shower makeup etc) but don’t want to come across as needy.

OP posts:
TamarindCottage · 27/03/2026 22:30

CanaryLibra · 27/03/2026 21:46

What a load of old bollocks.

Show quote history

🤣 couldn’t have said it better myself! 🤣

echt · 27/03/2026 22:42

Minglingpringle · 27/03/2026 21:39

I would say that it’s your own insecurity that makes you unwilling to give him a chance, to find out whether he’s lovably incompetent or a bit of a dick.

If you had genuine confidence in yourself, you’d be interested to find out, safe in the knowledge that if you didn’t get a good vibe you wouldn’t take it any further. You would feel no need whatsoever to look cool, or make him believe you had a back-up plan or whatever. Who cares what he thinks if he’s not for you? You have nothing to prove and can afford to give someone the benefit of the doubt until they lose that privilege.

You say you’ve had bad experiences in the past, so it makes sense that you are unsure of yourself. But it’s interesting nevertheless. There’s always the option to fake it (confidence) till you make it - you might enjoy the freedom of simply caring less about future dates.

Way to go with the unasked-for psych evaluation.

What egregious shite.

ThatLimeBiscuit · 27/03/2026 22:43

Sorry this happened to you OP. I would have done the same as you - it he wanted to he would and all that.

user1492757084 · 27/03/2026 23:12

So, I would get ready and expect him to call and collect you.
Not everyone looks at their phone or always has reception.

Dinner is usually for between 7 and 8 ish so you know when to get ready, Op.

I read that he got back.

I would have said - Oh that's sad I've been dressed and waiting for ages

Purplerubberducky · 28/03/2026 00:06

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 21:44

Despite my MH struggles, I am sure enough of myself to know I don’t want somebody “lovably incompetent”.

Show quote history

This! Jesus! The bar is so low. You did the right thing. Never settle and never put up with bs.

Purplerubberducky · 28/03/2026 00:18

user1492757084 · 27/03/2026 23:12

So, I would get ready and expect him to call and collect you.
Not everyone looks at their phone or always has reception.

Dinner is usually for between 7 and 8 ish so you know when to get ready, Op.

I read that he got back.

I would have said - Oh that's sad I've been dressed and waiting for ages

Edited

More fool you then. Some people expect at least the bare minimum. Most people expect a bit more. No one is so busy that they can’t look at their phone all night and all day.

confusedbydating · 28/03/2026 01:29

Agree don’t go. This man doesn’t value your time and he isn’t that keen by the looks of it. Next!

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 28/03/2026 01:35

user1492757084 · 27/03/2026 23:12

So, I would get ready and expect him to call and collect you.
Not everyone looks at their phone or always has reception.

Dinner is usually for between 7 and 8 ish so you know when to get ready, Op.

I read that he got back.

I would have said - Oh that's sad I've been dressed and waiting for ages

Edited

Why would you let him know you’ve been waiting like some sucker? No way.

Grapes308 · 28/03/2026 01:56

Some very strange advice on here! OP I'm just sending solidarity. After many years of online dating, I've taking myself off all the sites and accepted it's not going to happen for me. I would like to meet someone, but I value my mental health more! I can't put myself through it any longer.

SweetnsourNZ · 28/03/2026 04:44

I would be in the dinning off side unless he comes back with a really good excuse, and it would have to be really good and sound genuine.

Muffinmam · 28/03/2026 05:32

JanBlues2026 · 27/03/2026 17:31

I would send one last message saying as he didn’t get back to you, you have made other plans

Why bother?

daisychain01 · 28/03/2026 05:45

SweetnsourNZ · 28/03/2026 04:44

I would be in the dinning off side unless he comes back with a really good excuse, and it would have to be really good and sound genuine.

No way!

so @MissNameChage3000 had to chase this timewaster and then take some limp excuse masquerading as an apology. No, too late will be the cry. Raise your bar.

as for the other poster's little gem

I would have said - Oh that's sad I've been dressed and waiting for ages

way to sound pathetic and needy! Raise your bar.

jeez there are some desperate people around, no wonder men get the last laugh.

Rokabe · 28/03/2026 06:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OneNewLeader · 28/03/2026 07:00

I’m sorry the date didn’t work out. It’s a horrible feeling. But, you sound like you know your worth and you’ll find someone who deserves you.

Trainup · 28/03/2026 07:29

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 20:06

He did.

Said he was “stuck at work and with customers” so prizes for anyone who had it on their bingo card :)

I told him let’s leave it.

Anyway, thank you all for the reassuring comments. Peace out ✌🏻

Show quote history

It’s not clear from this whether he was still up for meeting but had just not been in touch because of the customers? Which would mean he couldn’t have checked his phone. Sounds like you’ve thrown this away on what could have been a misunderstanding.. is there a reason you immediately think the worst?

TurnOnTheCharm · 28/03/2026 07:35

Trainup · 28/03/2026 07:29

It’s not clear from this whether he was still up for meeting but had just not been in touch because of the customers? Which would mean he couldn’t have checked his phone. Sounds like you’ve thrown this away on what could have been a misunderstanding.. is there a reason you immediately think the worst?

Show quote history

It just gets worse! Come on woman

Andepeda · 28/03/2026 07:45

This thread is an interesting read. Some women will tie themselves in knots trying to excuse poor behaviour from men.

If someone lets you down on a first date/second date/any date, just move on.

RoseField1 · 28/03/2026 07:55

Trainup · 28/03/2026 07:29

It’s not clear from this whether he was still up for meeting but had just not been in touch because of the customers? Which would mean he couldn’t have checked his phone. Sounds like you’ve thrown this away on what could have been a misunderstanding.. is there a reason you immediately think the worst?

Show quote history

I can answer that. No, he wasn’t still interested in meeting. If he was still interested in meeting, he would have messaged the OP a lot earlier to confirm the arrangements. What he did was decide he didn’t want to meet anymore, but he was too cowardly or pathetic to actually contact the OP and cancel the date. Giving the benefit of the doubt to someone who makes a date with you and then fails to tell you basic information about where and when you’re meeting is always the wrong decision. Men who want to meet you don't mess you around like this.

RoseField1 · 28/03/2026 07:59

user1492757084 · 27/03/2026 23:12

So, I would get ready and expect him to call and collect you.
Not everyone looks at their phone or always has reception.

Dinner is usually for between 7 and 8 ish so you know when to get ready, Op.

I read that he got back.

I would have said - Oh that's sad I've been dressed and waiting for ages

Edited

Why would you get ready for a date when the man hasn't confirmed? Why would you send such a pathetic message? Why either of those things?

Pedallleur · 28/03/2026 08:01

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 21:44

Despite my MH struggles, I am sure enough of myself to know I don’t want somebody “lovably incompetent”.

Show quote history

Not a phrase someone would put on their CV. Imagine the pilot on your holiday flight telling you he/she was lovably incompetent.
Is this a new bar?

EvieBB · 28/03/2026 08:06

Ninerainbows · 27/03/2026 18:33

I've never lost a phone in my life and I've had one for 25 years. Amazing how prone to this men are isn't it!

Show quote history

I'm always losing my phone 😱

EvieBB · 28/03/2026 08:15

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 28/03/2026 01:35

Why would you let him know you’ve been waiting like some sucker? No way.

Show quote history

To make him feel bad I guess.....
To show him up ...
Doesn't mean she's a sucker...
I guess we all have a different perspective....
(Not that I would take that option personally)

EvieBB · 28/03/2026 08:22

RoseField1 · 28/03/2026 07:59

Why would you get ready for a date when the man hasn't confirmed? Why would you send such a pathetic message? Why either of those things?

Show quote history

I'm reading her message differently
By telling him she's been dressed and ready for ages is showing him that his lack of communication/ambiguity has consequences and that she took him at his word and isn't up for playing games..... It's an attempt to make his feel really bad.....like, we made this date and look you've left me here hanging
I'm not seeing it as pathetic - more like "look what you've done you arsehole"

JMSA · 28/03/2026 08:26

Oh God, experienced dater here, and there is no way on God’s green earth that I would call this man.
I’d have sacked him off already.

RupertTheBlackCat · 28/03/2026 08:30

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 18:51

Sorry for being upset and disappointed over being
messed around by a guy I really liked.

So many rude people on here!

Show quote history

There most certainly are - MN is a very different place from a few years ago, sadly.

Sorry you've had such an unpleasant experience.