Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I ring him? Or sack him off?

245 replies

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 17:27

Supposed to be going on a date tonight. The man confirmed the restaurant last night (he booked the table) but didn’t specify the time. I messaged him saying let me know the plans tomorrow.

I have not heard from him all day. I messaged an hour ago asking whats the plan. He hasn’t been online for a few hours.

Shall I ring him? If we’re still going I need to start getting ready soon. (Shower makeup etc) but don’t want to come across as needy.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

We live in the same city but it’s that big (not London big but one of the bigger cities) so not likely to randomly bump into him.

OP posts:
Rokabe · 27/03/2026 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 20:06

NotReadyForChristmas2025 · 27/03/2026 20:00

Did he make contact?

He did.

Said he was “stuck at work and with customers” so prizes for anyone who had it on their bingo card :)

I told him let’s leave it.

Anyway, thank you all for the reassuring comments. Peace out ✌🏻

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 27/03/2026 20:07

That sucks op. Hope you can do something nice this weekend for yourself.

Original poster
MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Would have been first date with him.

Been in each others company before a few times a couple years back via friends of friends.

OP posts:
auserna · 27/03/2026 20:10

aWeeCornishPastie · 27/03/2026 18:19

there is no date OP he is a prick and has changed his mind. Please don’t message again you will look desperate he has your number. But if he does contact you just ignore. That’s my advice

Why does it make the OP look desperate that he has her number? Exchanging numbers is fairly common.

auserna · 27/03/2026 20:13

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 20:06

He did.

Said he was “stuck at work and with customers” so prizes for anyone who had it on their bingo card :)

I told him let’s leave it.

Anyway, thank you all for the reassuring comments. Peace out ✌🏻

Show quote history

Knob. At what time did he deign to send that bullshit message?

Cherryicecreamx · 27/03/2026 20:23

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 20:06

He did.

Said he was “stuck at work and with customers” so prizes for anyone who had it on their bingo card :)

I told him let’s leave it.

Anyway, thank you all for the reassuring comments. Peace out ✌🏻

Show quote history

Do you think this was genuine? Will you give him another chance if you really like him?

Tacohill · 27/03/2026 20:27

I’ve just seen that you actually know this person and it’s not some random guy - I actually don’t know if that makes it better or worse.

I’m sorry you’ve been let down.
The only consolation I have is that at least he’s shown you who he is early on.
Now you can focus on finding someone better who appreciates you and your time more.

usedtobeaylis · 27/03/2026 20:27

What a gutter OP, if you liked him.

Back up plans don't need to be with someone else. Just something you like doing!

ThreeTescoBags · 27/03/2026 20:36

I'm sorry, I've been where you are a few times and it's wank. Chin up OP, maybe watch something violent on telly to cheer yourself up? Suggest, John Wick.

Loloj · 27/03/2026 20:48

That’s really shitty of him OP. You are worth way more than that. Don’t give him another chance - you deserve much better. He didn’t even have the decency to contact you earlier - even if he had changed his mind. Hold your head up high - his loss. What a knob.

Lilactimes · 27/03/2026 20:52

I'm really sorry. It's rubbish... and I feel for you. hope you can treat yourself to something nice this weekend.

I definitely had the sort of job where it wasn't easy to leave on time so that is possible - doesn't stop you from being disappointed and irritated. Hope the weekend ends up being lovely x

Chubbawubber · 27/03/2026 21:12

Cherryicecreamx · 27/03/2026 20:23

Do you think this was genuine? Will you give him another chance if you really like him?

Show quote history

There is just NO chance this is genuine. He’s had a different offer and is taking it.

OP don’t despair, there are others.

Minglingpringle · 27/03/2026 21:39

I would say that it’s your own insecurity that makes you unwilling to give him a chance, to find out whether he’s lovably incompetent or a bit of a dick.

If you had genuine confidence in yourself, you’d be interested to find out, safe in the knowledge that if you didn’t get a good vibe you wouldn’t take it any further. You would feel no need whatsoever to look cool, or make him believe you had a back-up plan or whatever. Who cares what he thinks if he’s not for you? You have nothing to prove and can afford to give someone the benefit of the doubt until they lose that privilege.

You say you’ve had bad experiences in the past, so it makes sense that you are unsure of yourself. But it’s interesting nevertheless. There’s always the option to fake it (confidence) till you make it - you might enjoy the freedom of simply caring less about future dates.

TurnOnTheCharm · 27/03/2026 21:40

Chubbawubber · 27/03/2026 21:12

There is just NO chance this is genuine. He’s had a different offer and is taking it.

OP don’t despair, there are others.

Show quote history

Agreed. He would have had time to go for a piss today, he would have had time to send her a text message. He's a prick.

Original poster
MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 21:44

Minglingpringle · 27/03/2026 21:39

I would say that it’s your own insecurity that makes you unwilling to give him a chance, to find out whether he’s lovably incompetent or a bit of a dick.

If you had genuine confidence in yourself, you’d be interested to find out, safe in the knowledge that if you didn’t get a good vibe you wouldn’t take it any further. You would feel no need whatsoever to look cool, or make him believe you had a back-up plan or whatever. Who cares what he thinks if he’s not for you? You have nothing to prove and can afford to give someone the benefit of the doubt until they lose that privilege.

You say you’ve had bad experiences in the past, so it makes sense that you are unsure of yourself. But it’s interesting nevertheless. There’s always the option to fake it (confidence) till you make it - you might enjoy the freedom of simply caring less about future dates.

Despite my MH struggles, I am sure enough of myself to know I don’t want somebody “lovably incompetent”.

OP posts:
CanaryLibra · 27/03/2026 21:46

Minglingpringle · 27/03/2026 21:39

I would say that it’s your own insecurity that makes you unwilling to give him a chance, to find out whether he’s lovably incompetent or a bit of a dick.

If you had genuine confidence in yourself, you’d be interested to find out, safe in the knowledge that if you didn’t get a good vibe you wouldn’t take it any further. You would feel no need whatsoever to look cool, or make him believe you had a back-up plan or whatever. Who cares what he thinks if he’s not for you? You have nothing to prove and can afford to give someone the benefit of the doubt until they lose that privilege.

You say you’ve had bad experiences in the past, so it makes sense that you are unsure of yourself. But it’s interesting nevertheless. There’s always the option to fake it (confidence) till you make it - you might enjoy the freedom of simply caring less about future dates.

What a load of old bollocks.

pilates · 27/03/2026 21:48

I was thinking the same @CanaryLibra

Chubbawubber · 27/03/2026 21:52

Minglingpringle · 27/03/2026 21:39

I would say that it’s your own insecurity that makes you unwilling to give him a chance, to find out whether he’s lovably incompetent or a bit of a dick.

If you had genuine confidence in yourself, you’d be interested to find out, safe in the knowledge that if you didn’t get a good vibe you wouldn’t take it any further. You would feel no need whatsoever to look cool, or make him believe you had a back-up plan or whatever. Who cares what he thinks if he’s not for you? You have nothing to prove and can afford to give someone the benefit of the doubt until they lose that privilege.

You say you’ve had bad experiences in the past, so it makes sense that you are unsure of yourself. But it’s interesting nevertheless. There’s always the option to fake it (confidence) till you make it - you might enjoy the freedom of simply caring less about future dates.

Urgh, what? She’s already found out he’s a dick.

Paetina · 27/03/2026 22:03

Takes two minutes to message back a time. If he's this 'low effort' at the start....

Right call to sack it off.

CopeNorth · 27/03/2026 22:03

MissNameChage3000 · 27/03/2026 21:44

Despite my MH struggles, I am sure enough of myself to know I don’t want somebody “lovably incompetent”.

Show quote history

Agree. That’s terrible advice. Onwards and upwards Op. Dating can be an exhausting faff. I hope you had a lovely relaxing evening nonetheless x

localnotail · 27/03/2026 22:16

I would agree with everyone that you need to throw this one back.

My life/ dating experience taught me that if its too complicated and uncomfortable it will not get any better, and generally a sign of a shit person. Anyone worthy of your time will be there and will make an effort. If you think you would not do it to other person, dont ever forgive someone doing that to you.

localnotail · 27/03/2026 22:18

Minglingpringle · 27/03/2026 21:39

I would say that it’s your own insecurity that makes you unwilling to give him a chance, to find out whether he’s lovably incompetent or a bit of a dick.

If you had genuine confidence in yourself, you’d be interested to find out, safe in the knowledge that if you didn’t get a good vibe you wouldn’t take it any further. You would feel no need whatsoever to look cool, or make him believe you had a back-up plan or whatever. Who cares what he thinks if he’s not for you? You have nothing to prove and can afford to give someone the benefit of the doubt until they lose that privilege.

You say you’ve had bad experiences in the past, so it makes sense that you are unsure of yourself. But it’s interesting nevertheless. There’s always the option to fake it (confidence) till you make it - you might enjoy the freedom of simply caring less about future dates.

"Pick me girl" is never a good look.

You need to learn that you have a value beyond what men think of you.

LiloLido · 27/03/2026 22:19

Sorry but he never booked that table. If he had, he would have given you the time of the booking.

He did it to keep you interested and has changed his mind.

I hope you find someone nicer.