To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

[NobodysGirl]

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

Why do you think he doesn’t love you?

but moreover… why you do love a constantly grumpy, moody, verbally abusive, withdrawn and thoughtless man? That you even recognise as being abusive to you?

Do you have friends in real life? Good ones?

If you had said hey, the kids are
about to get up, lets come back to bed in an hour, would you actually have done it? Or would it be an empty promise?
Do you ever respond immediately and with enthusiasm?

It is not a fetish or deviant behaviour to want to have morning sex, so I am not surprised if he acted with defensiveness and hurt. It is also not wrong to kindly say not right now.

Very soon it’s going to be just you and him in the house. How do you feel when you imagine that?

I absolutely do have sex with him once every few days in the mornings after kids left / way before they wake up/late at night/afternoon lunch time

Nowhere as flexible or agile I was 20 years ago, and sometimes it is not physical attraction anymore but more remembered good times, affection and wanting to please him or comforting him when he's down about something, and this seems to be the way he likes comforting or any intimacy best.

Who cares if they guess blush and be awkward they should never come into your bedroom without knocking and if you're quick and careful shouldn't even hear you. And if they do they can turn music on or go downstairs And teen sons don't need you to make them breakfast Sex isn't some sordid nasty deed it's a normal healthy part of life.

Bring on the cheek swabs!

Do you know what a fetish is? Because that's not one 😂

Also... tell your 15 and 17 year olds to.get their own fucking breakfast.

Brilliant! 🤩

Lol.

I'm so perimenopausal that the mere idea of sex right now could make me weep with fatigue, be it morning, noon, or night. I'd rather lick my own foot.

I think posters have been rather harsh on you, Op and the first replies set the tone. The AIBU score gives a different story in any case. You say you have an hour to get kids ready, he insists on you making breakfast etc, but wants to delay you, just as the kids are getting up. They obviously would likely be aware of what's happening in that case, and I agree, that's not sexy! It would be very odd to get turned on in that scenario. A previous post garnered lots of horror and support, due to a dad having noisy sex with his new girlfriend with kids in the house. Nearly everyone agreed it was grim and fetsistic/a safeguarding issue. Yes, teenagers know about sex, but probably dont really want to hear their parents at it. You have the whole day, so of course he can wait, and it sounds that although it made you uncomfortable, you didn't call him a pervert to his face and in fact gave him a cuddle! Totally get why it made you uncomfortable, especially if he's being grumpy and difficult in general. The main takeaway is that you shouldn't feel the need to get kids breakfast etc at their age, particularly at the insistence of your husband, but I understand if you want to be with them at breakfast to talk and to see them off.

I think this is one of those things that in a happy, secure, relationship you’d have said “later…” and he’d have responded similarly. You’d have both been kind, possibly even playful.

But in a bad relationship it’s so different. What is horny and fun in a good relationship can seem crude and insulting in a bad one. What’s flattering and sexy in a good relationship seems selfish and grimy in a bad relationship.

When you’re in a bad place you’re always assuming the worst of intentions, so you have the worst of reactions.

it’s not a healthy, or nice, place for either of you to be

You have sex with him, makes it sound like you’re servicing him. Do you enjoy it? Sounds like a duty fuck.

Ugh never before 8:30 regardless of whether teens or kids are about. Sulky men are deeply unsexy.

I love early morning sex, nothing Ugh about it.

You can turn down sex for any reason, if you don’t want it, so YANBU to say no thanks.

But calling him ‘disgusting’ and suggesting he has a fetish for wanting sex in the privacy of the bedroom - when your kids are teens and thus aren’t going to come in to announce they’ve had a nightmare or need their potty or something - is ridiculous. He didn’t do anything wrong.

Basically, it’s fine to say no to sex. Other than that, though, my main take away from your post is that you’ve got some very uptight views and also hate your husband.

@NobodysGirl at that age my boys fended for themselves, usually made them evening meal and an occasional bacon sandwich at weekends but breakfasts during the week, everybody fends for themselves!

My DP sometimes suggests sex when the kids are in the house and awake. I just remind him I prefer to wait until they all leave so I can relax and know I won’t be interrupted. I think his asking and you declining are both normal.

Yes, somewhere in my dreams, there is still 22 year old me before I met H, with my fantasy guy who smiles and sexily says 'OK, can't wait' when I say 'Later' instead of turning into an octopus.

@JustAnotherWhinger , so so true, every word. Oh God.

I mean they are 17 and 19 (if you’ve been together 25 years and had 6 years without children)…. I wouldnt read too much into them not calling him “daddy” or kissing him.

This is an interesting thread. Nothing about this says fetish to me but, I do think there's prob more going on that a guy just suddenly fancying sex with his OH one morning. My DH has done this in the past and I've definitely felt it's because the DC are in the house rather than in spite of it i.e. it's good for them to know that we still have sex / our marriage takes priority. So, we def have sex when they are in the house but on a weekday when you have stuff to do etc I'd find that stressful and just be thinking of what needed to be done rather than being able to enjoy the moment. As long as he understands that, not a problem. But it sounds as if there's more going on for you two at the moment anyway

Didn't mind when kids were tiny actually or even younger as they would not know or guess if the door was locked. I would make up a story.

One of my friends has heard my tale and remembered the time her H made her come to the bathroom as he needed to get off or he would die apparently , B'cos the kids were in their bedroom - she ended up on the bathroom floor unwillingly?!

But yeah context, her marriage has been rocky a while too

I edited the ages a bit not to be outing but now I am genuinely confused with your math why neither are 19 :)

High School Dss

you have told your friend what happened this morning?

Men!!!!