To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

[NobodysGirl]

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

@Shego , what age did you gently advise for yours? or just whenever they feel they are ready?

I wouldn’t want to have sex in those circumstances. We have a teen Ds and an adult dd living with us and it’s a complete turn off to think they might hear us. We rarely have sex now because of it. Maybe once a month if they’re both out somewhere. We’re just not that bothered about it though- both older / middle aged and health issues etc. When we were younger and the dc were younger it was easier as they went to bed earlier but now they’re up later than we are and up and downstairs all the time.

If your relationship is on the rocks (as others have suggested re your other thread) that would be enough to put me off sex too. I don’t know how women’s vaginas don’t completely clamp shut when they’re in a shit relationship. There’s no way I’d have sex with someone I was thinking about leaving.

Mine are 18 and 14 DDs - 14 year old will sometimes ask for help doing her hair or finding her PE kit, but more often than not, she just gets on with it and shouts goodbye as she's leaving for the bus

DH does iron her a fresh shirt every morning - mostly because neither of us can be bothered to do it on a Sunday night - she does sometimes iron her own shirts. He or I will also make her a cup of tea when we are making our own coffee.

18 year old just gets herself ready - has done since she started senior school pretty much (she used to get a shirt ironed too, but has never had hot drinks). She does get a lift to the station - but only because we live rurally and she hasn't passed her driving test yet - if we were in walking distance, that wouldn't happen.

We have made neither of them breakfast since they started year 7 - they were very much told that if they wanted to eat in the morning, it was their responsibility to get themselves up on time and get some food. Generally they choose the extra time in bed - sometimes grabbing a pastry or breakfast bar on their way out of the door!

They sometimes get breakfast made for them at weekends, but usually only if DH is making something for all of us (neither DH or I regularly eat breakfast )

YANBU. You can decline sex at any time for any reason.

Keep your kids from coming in your bedroom, and if you fancy it, then go for it.

OP didn’t say they have to be 18 to have sex, she said she hopes they’re 18plus, at uni and in a good relationship with someone. Which is completely different to saying they can’t! That’s not unreasonable for a parent to want that

Actually we’re not wealthy either, so I don’t assume that anymore! Although my DD1 does call us that all the time, and I really don’t know why she hasn’t stopped. She’s very young for her age emotionally, which probably plays a part.

@NobodysGirl they used to.....but I've been single for the past five years so tis just a distant memory!! 🤣

I also think he is one of those men who see their almost adult sons as a threat to their authority and as rivals for the affection of their mother. Keeping you busy in the bedroom so you aren't downstairs making their breakfast and making it obvious what you two are doing is like him marking his territory.

No, it's not romantic when teen kids could hear or burst in at any time. He just had morning glory, which most men have and tbh, tough luck.

I dated someone who tried it on pretty much every morning we stayed together, drove me up the bloody wall esp as I would have to get to work and I'd not even had a cuppa, lol. Not romantic, felt more a service to deal with his erection. I woke him up once with a cucumber sticking in the small of his back to see if he liked it - we broke up soon after as he had no sense of humour or fair play!

As you said, once the kids were gone, then green light. If the sulking is because you called him a pervert, I can understand, but if he's sulking because he didn't get sex then he's an idiot. Sulking will never put you in the mood!

But you’ve already said that one is 17 and one is 17+

Typical reaction on MN, AIBU, yes you are! Then you must be a man!

You sound so unhappy
This just can’t be a happy home anyone in the family

Could he be trying to take advantage of Morning Wood?

Christ so bloody deep, he wanted sex OP said no, that’s it!

OP calling it a “fetish” has seriously derailed this thread!

And why not? That's literally what it's there for.

I think he’s being unreasonable- he could have waited and not fair to have a moan at you about it either.

I thought @thepariscrimefiles is spot on, but wanted to see what an objective person would think just on this morning situation

Its not a given I see

The bit that shocks me is that you are still getting up to make breakfast for 15 and 17 year olds. Is there any age you'll expect them to do this themselves?

Will it not stay for an hour till kids leave or come back later?

Two questions

Do you love him?
Do you feel he loves you?

Yes I love him unfortunately

No I do not think he loves me even a bit

Jesus, I hope you stretched before that reach...

Of course. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with striking while the iron is hot.

Yes, DS are his , ours