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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

mocked for Gold DofE and 'acting British'

183 replies

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:05

We’ve lived in London suburbs since 2010 when we moved to the UK. It’s a leafy, quiet spot, and while it’s not the most diverse part of London, it’s a pro-European lib dem voter area. With our neighbors and our international employers being so welcoming, we’ve always felt like we fit right in and never faced any discrimination. There were occasionally instances of small comments or hearsay, but it was never anything serious.

Our kids grew up here. They went to a local nursery, the local state primary, and then the local state comprehensive secondary and sixth form. We’re originally from Eastern Europe, but we’ve got our dual citizenship and we’ve built a good life here. We’re university-educated with good jobs, and while London prices mean we aren’t exactly 'rolling in it', we’re doing fine since we own our (tiny) home and enjoy our holidays.

Today, my teen daughter came home incredibly upset. She was bullied and mocked at school because she just finished her Gold DofE. Because the Gold level of the award is new to her school, it was announced in the weekly school newsletter. She has a good circle of friends at school, but this other crowd really went for her. They called the whole thing useless and pretentious, saying she only did it because she’s a snob and wanted to 'act British'. They even dragged us into it, claiming we pressured her into it because we’re desperate to belong and that, as Eastern Europeans, we never actually will. She’s obviously excited for the Buckingham palace award ceremony. Anyone would be, but they acted like her (and our) excitement was just us trying too hard to fit in.

The worst part is that she genuinely loved the whole experience. She’s super sporty and outdoorsy, so the hiking and camping were right up her street, and she already does swimming and basketball anyway. She used her real hobbies, singing and cooking, for her skills and spent two years volunteering at a hospital and with girl guides (rainbows unit helper). The only 'extra' bit was a summer camp which she chose for her residential trip, but that was also useful for her uni personal statement.

Now she says she feels like a 'second-class Brit'. It’s heartbreaking because she grew up here; this is her home. She’s being made to feel like an outsider just for having some ambition and putting in the effort. Why be so bullish and judgmental toward someone who’s just working hard and making the most of things? This caught me completely off guard as she has never had any such incidents at school. She was really shaken by how nasty and aggressive their comments were.

OP posts:
Zov · 26/03/2026 23:08

Awwww, I'm sorry to hear this @swpark It sounds like they are jealous. Your daughter has done well, and they resent this. I know it's easy for me to say, but she should just ignore them, and enjoy her lovely life with her friends and family who show her love and kindness. Sadly, some people are not nice. Flowers

WearyAuldWumman · 26/03/2026 23:11

It's jealousy, pure and simple.

My dad was Eastern European, but Mum was Scottish and I was born in Scotland.

i got good grades at school and was accused of being 'posh' and having rich parents. Mum used to be a housekeeper and later a waitress and factory worker. Dad was a coalminer.

My surname was obviously Eastern European and I was academic; ergo, I was picked on.

PermanentTemporary · 26/03/2026 23:14

She’s being bullied. Tbh the reason the bullies picked on her is almost irrelevant, they will find any reason that somebody stands out in any way at all because they are in some way inadequate people themselves (not that I want you to be sympathetic, just perhaps it might help your daughter to see that they’re just people who right now are acting like pathetic losers). They thought she was vulnerable to being hurt that way, and she was. Talk to the school pronto and read their bullying policy.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/03/2026 23:18

Sounds like tall poppy syndrome with a side of xenophobia - can't have people getting above themselves and thinking they're worth anything, especially not Johnny foreigner. Possibly a side of misogyny too - how very dare a girl achieve something and have the achievement acknowledged.

There's always going to be nasty people in life. DD will have to figure out how she deals with it. I find sticking with good people is a good strategy.

HugeMonstera · 26/03/2026 23:19

I’d lived in the UK for well over 20 years, but the upsurge in this kind of slur around Brexit was what finally made me decide to raise my child somewhere else. Sorry it happened, OP. It’s far worse outside of London, in my experience.

5foot5 · 26/03/2026 23:19

Oh reading this made me so angry?

Can you talk to the school and find out which low life's made these comments? If they (the school) are not already all over it they should be.

Congratulations to your daughter for getting this award, it is a significant achievement.

OhDear111 · 26/03/2026 23:20

@swpark I’d be absolutely livid about this. I would immediately contact the DofE organizer at the school and report what has been said to them. Plus talk to the head of pastoral care/head of year. I’m appalled by this. It’s not acceptable.
In my view, the school should take action and it’s bullying.

My DDs only did Bronze and a few of their friends did Gold. It’s not easy! It takes commitment and perseverance. She’s given her time and it’s wonderful. Yes, I’ll be honest: it’s often seen as very middle class - but so what? By people who don’t get off their backsides to do
it! All sorts of dc did it at DDs school (bronze) and it says a lot about that type of person. They get on and do things.

Gold is a proper achievement and please complain about her treatment. The school has done well to organise it and I’m certain they won’t like this reaction. If I knew you, I’d take her out for a hot chocolate!

OhDear111 · 26/03/2026 23:24

Oh- I forgot. In my opinion, these are not nasty “people” they are children in a school. There are school rules which their comments have almost certainly contravened.

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:31

Thanks so much for the kind words. She’s asked us not to contact the school as she just wants to move on, but it’s clear she’s distressed; the way they spoke to her was something she’s never had to deal with before. And, she hasn’t had any issues with bullying since primary, and even that was quite minor.

@OhDear111 the hot chocolate is a great idea, we might just do that, or a family breakfast out on Sunday.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/03/2026 23:33

Gold D of E is bloody hard.

There are salty AF or just idiot teens

It's legitimately a really great accomplishment irrespective of its tie to the Duke of Edinburgh...

She should.ignore it amd be proud of her achievements

I'd get her a really.nice dress / outfit for Buckingham palace.

GentlemanJay · 26/03/2026 23:34

Good on her for going above and beyond. In a few years time she will back and think “more fool them”

It’s only when you get older, that you don’t give a stuff about what others say.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:34

Kids are bullies and they're just jealous that she has one up on them for achieving this

Dont take it to heart yourselves and tell your dd to ignore them and be proud

Honestly, I wouldn't go to the school about one day of comments. See how it pans out first

Congratulations to her, she has done well

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:35

I’d encourage DD to report it to the school. It’s racism plain and simple.

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:36

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:34

Kids are bullies and they're just jealous that she has one up on them for achieving this

Dont take it to heart yourselves and tell your dd to ignore them and be proud

Honestly, I wouldn't go to the school about one day of comments. See how it pans out first

Congratulations to her, she has done well

She absolutely should, it’s racism

IdentityCris · 26/03/2026 23:36

Congratulations to your daughter, that's a wonderful achievement.

You and she really need to report this as bullying and ask the school to put in place their bullying policy to protect her.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 26/03/2026 23:37

They're bellends, and they'd likely still have picked on her for the DofE if she'd been born in the UK, they'd have just found a different justification for it.

She's got something they haven't, and they need to tear her down in order to make them feel better about themselves.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:37

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:36

She absolutely should, it’s racism

I dont think that it is, its kids making dickish comments in response to her achievement. Akin to calling someone a 'boffin' or a 'toff'

Dont overreact to this, imo, let's see what happens next.

DanaScullysLegoHair · 26/03/2026 23:37

Some people peak in high school. Sounds like the bullies will. Your DD will fly much higher 🙂

Sskka · 26/03/2026 23:39

Well done to your daughter!

What kind of kids were doing the bullying? ‘Acting British’ is a strange insult, in that it could mean totally different things coming from British kids or from foreign kids.

BooneyBeautiful · 26/03/2026 23:43

Well done to your DD. You should all be very proud. As she doesn't want the incident reported to the school, tell her just to ignore the remarks. Tell her everyone on Mumsnet thinks she is amazing!

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:43

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:37

I dont think that it is, its kids making dickish comments in response to her achievement. Akin to calling someone a 'boffin' or a 'toff'

Dont overreact to this, imo, let's see what happens next.

They’re saying she’s acting British and doesn’t belong here. Legally race includes nationality too so the Eastern European kids are covered. It needs nipping in the bud just like it would need to be for a non white British child

CandyEnclosingInvisible · 26/03/2026 23:43

Please reassure your Daughter that the pathetic jealous bullies who were so mean are not representative of what most people think and she shouldn't take it to heart. Getting a Gold DofE is an amazing achievement, equivalent to getting an extra A-Level and anyone with any intelligence and insight will know that her achieving it means she is a force to be reckoned with. She does not need the approval or admiration of the bullies. Getting bullied for putting in effort is sadly not uncommon in some schools but doing your best to achieve excellence is not in any way "un British"

Thesquaregiraffe · 26/03/2026 23:46

Amazing achievement!! Well done to your daughter! My son is doing his Silver and is younger than most as not doing it through the school - his mates don’t get it either and he sometimes resists in terms of “why am I doing this and my friends aren’t”. But! It’s an incredible achievement to pass the gold award!! 😁. She should be incredibly proud of herself! 😁. But I do get the peer pressure … as an adult it’s just urrghhhh

ACynicalDad · 26/03/2026 23:47

I was chatting to a Uni admissions tutor a while back, and they said it was one of the few things that separated out kids at that age, as everyone applying has the grades. It's such a good thing to have in her back pocket.

PissedOffAutistic · 26/03/2026 23:49

Bunch of jealous, ignorant, racist bastards! The UK is built on immigration, as far back as you can go! She's a first-class Brit!
Also, she got gold and she's still in school?! Bloody well done - it's a massively impressive achievement!

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