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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

mocked for Gold DofE and 'acting British'

183 replies

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:05

We’ve lived in London suburbs since 2010 when we moved to the UK. It’s a leafy, quiet spot, and while it’s not the most diverse part of London, it’s a pro-European lib dem voter area. With our neighbors and our international employers being so welcoming, we’ve always felt like we fit right in and never faced any discrimination. There were occasionally instances of small comments or hearsay, but it was never anything serious.

Our kids grew up here. They went to a local nursery, the local state primary, and then the local state comprehensive secondary and sixth form. We’re originally from Eastern Europe, but we’ve got our dual citizenship and we’ve built a good life here. We’re university-educated with good jobs, and while London prices mean we aren’t exactly 'rolling in it', we’re doing fine since we own our (tiny) home and enjoy our holidays.

Today, my teen daughter came home incredibly upset. She was bullied and mocked at school because she just finished her Gold DofE. Because the Gold level of the award is new to her school, it was announced in the weekly school newsletter. She has a good circle of friends at school, but this other crowd really went for her. They called the whole thing useless and pretentious, saying she only did it because she’s a snob and wanted to 'act British'. They even dragged us into it, claiming we pressured her into it because we’re desperate to belong and that, as Eastern Europeans, we never actually will. She’s obviously excited for the Buckingham palace award ceremony. Anyone would be, but they acted like her (and our) excitement was just us trying too hard to fit in.

The worst part is that she genuinely loved the whole experience. She’s super sporty and outdoorsy, so the hiking and camping were right up her street, and she already does swimming and basketball anyway. She used her real hobbies, singing and cooking, for her skills and spent two years volunteering at a hospital and with girl guides (rainbows unit helper). The only 'extra' bit was a summer camp which she chose for her residential trip, but that was also useful for her uni personal statement.

Now she says she feels like a 'second-class Brit'. It’s heartbreaking because she grew up here; this is her home. She’s being made to feel like an outsider just for having some ambition and putting in the effort. Why be so bullish and judgmental toward someone who’s just working hard and making the most of things? This caught me completely off guard as she has never had any such incidents at school. She was really shaken by how nasty and aggressive their comments were.

OP posts:
user7538796538 · 27/03/2026 10:15

A gold DofE is a big deal! Something we as an employer would be pleased to see above many other qualifications. They are idiots, pure crab bucket thinking but sadly that is more common than you’d think amongst the Liberals!
Presumably she’s upper 6th, and won’t have to see them again in a few short weeks. Tell her to rise above their jealousy and stupidity.

SugarPuffSandwiches · 27/03/2026 10:26

I've done the D of E, albeit 500 years ago so I'm glad to hear it's still going strong!
It's bloody hard work - you had to do an expedition/camping, choose a community service to get involved in (think I chose either fire or police, can't remember which) , and a sport as well.
You had to commit to all and put your hours in.
Really enjoyed it. That was just the bronze level so really impressed your DD did the gold!
Good on her, that's a great achievement.
As OP's have said, bullies are just sad little pathetic losers who are jealous of her hard work and have their own issues.
Your dd's great and should keep that in mind and ignore them ( easier said than done, I know.)

macshoto · 27/03/2026 10:26

Sorry to hear that happened to your DD. Achieving Gold while still at school shows great organisation and drive, and should rightly be celebrated. I hope she enjoys her time at Buckingham Palace and I’m sure she will look back on this achievement with a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I think the posters who have mentioned ‘tall poppy syndrome’ are likely right, mixed in with an element of jealousy about her achievement vs. the bullies’ lack of achievement.

I was photographed by the local paper when I achieved DofE Gold many years ago. Made some terrible choices about what I wore for that photo!

Emptyandsad · 27/03/2026 10:29

Your daughter sounds like a really impressive youngster who is pursuing a lot of different interests, keeping her options open and making sure she will get a huge range of opportunities in the future. This bullying is a blip in her progress to a happy and successful life. Her bullies are compensating for their own lack of achievement; she will see who lives their best life...

Pearlstillsinging · 27/03/2026 10:29

Please thank your daughter from me.

I Chair the committee of an organisation which benefits from DoE volunteers. There are some years when we would really struggle to provide our service without those teenagers. I won't have met your daughter because we are not in London but I'm sure that the organisations that she volunteered with were very grateful for her support.

We have also tried to support disengaged teenagers, those at risk of offending/ school refuses etc but have had to shop because of their attitude
I guess those school bullies have more in common with the disengaged than with your daughter.

I hope she does feel able to tell the DoE organiser at school but whether she does or not, she should be able to enjoy the whole experience around going to the Palace and remember it for the rest of her life. Congratulations to her.

SP2024 · 27/03/2026 10:29

It’s jealously. And probably nothing to do with being Eastern European. If it was someone else they’d find another point of difference and pick on that.

Mumofoneandone · 27/03/2026 10:31

Massive congratulations to your daughter - that's a huge achievement for her. Sadly, those mocking her are likely jealous and are targeting her in the only way they can.
I think you do need to mention the issue to the school, even if your DD doesn't want you to, so it is on record. The nasty commenters may not say anything again but equally they might and the school need to know it's going on.
I hope your DD has a lovely, well deserved visit to the palace and gets onto her chosen university course.

Sartre · 27/03/2026 10:41

Well done to your DD. Teenagers can be utter dickheads and she should raise it with her SLO, it’s xenophobic bullying and is out of order. I’m half French and faced it a bit at school. British people love to take the piss out of the French (and vice versa I guess) but as a teenager I was really self conscious about it and struggled to take it on the chin. It isn’t pleasant and shouldn’t just be accepted. She’s done something great, they’re likely jealous of her success.

ldnmusic87 · 27/03/2026 10:48

Just teens being teens - rude and jealous.

Zennia · 27/03/2026 10:58

It's jealousy. Your daughter is clearly a high flyer and worked very hard for the achievement.
I don't really see how it's "acting British" when a lot of multigenerational British people don't even participate in DofE. Do they think working class estates in coastal towns are packed with DofE award winners or something?

OhDear111 · 27/03/2026 11:00

@ldnmusic87 I don’t actually agree with that. I accept my DDs were at schools that didn’t have dc like that (private school) but I don't see that attitude in relatives, dc in my locality or indeed in their parents. It’s not typical teen behaviour at all. It’s probably stemming from parents and it needs to be dealt with in school because it’s wholly unacceptable. We are becoming a terrible country that just seems to think this is typical behaviour. It’s absolutely not in decent households.

Sanddancing · 27/03/2026 11:02

Jealousy- she has done something amazing and some people ( yes kids, but we are talking older teens here), respond to that by being mean.
DS hates achievements being promoted at school, and in year 11 manages it. Likes the activities, but doesn’t want a fuss made because of the backlash he’ll get from his peers.

And a chunk of racism, I’ve got a European Mum and a British Dad, and there were Mum’s incredulous to my Mum’s face that we were doing well ( better than their kids) at school, cos she was…. Foreign, long time ago now, but true story

Dandeliontea123 · 27/03/2026 11:03

Well done to your daughter. There’s a reason she has a good circle of friends and is not friendly with ‘the other crowd’ who seem to enjoy putting others down.

AnnieRegent · 27/03/2026 11:03

I went to a London state school that didn't offer DoE. The only people I knew that did DoE were at private schools, where doing Bronze DoE seemed to be the bare minimum. Amongst my friends (generally middle-class with lefty parents) I think doing DoE in an environment where it wasn't standard to do it would have been seen as a bit posh/tory/naff. Coded similarly to loving afternoon tea/cricket/the royal family/Ascot. These things aren't as common in lefty middle-class London circles as they are in the rest of the country. These types of people sometimes sneer at these things. It's not considered cool. I think this is what the "British" comments are about.

(To be clear, I think it's a great achievement and one I would have enjoyed! I have also as an adult greatly enjoyed Lords/Ascot/Pimms etc ...!)

I also think she would have been sneered at regardless of her ethnic background. The added racism is a really nasty extra layer.

Chilly80 · 27/03/2026 11:08

They are jealous.

Well done to your daughter.

Tryagain26 · 27/03/2026 11:08

That is bullying along with racism. The likes of Reform have have normalised ths type of bullying wheres it wasn't 15 years ago. You should complain to the school.
And please don't let a small group of ignorant people put your daughter off. There are still more decent people in the UK than people like that.

BibbityBobbityBuggerit · 27/03/2026 12:25

Jealous and resentful AF. Also racist bullies and should be reported to the school.

Congratulations to your daughter! Gold DofE is a big deal and you must all be super proud of her 👏

Munchyseeds2 · 27/03/2026 13:01

They should jealous and horrible and I would be very tempted to say something to the school
A big well done to your daughter and friends. Gold DoE is something to be proud of.
I hope they enjoy every minute of the visit to the Palace.

OhDear111 · 27/03/2026 13:34

@Chilly80 These dc won’t be jealous. They would not spend the time away from their devices to do anything. They are content with that. However DD should be persuaded that reporting this to the DofE supervisor is vital.

Chilly80 · 27/03/2026 13:41

OhDear111 · 27/03/2026 13:34

@Chilly80 These dc won’t be jealous. They would not spend the time away from their devices to do anything. They are content with that. However DD should be persuaded that reporting this to the DofE supervisor is vital.

That's exactly why they are jealous.

dottiehens · 27/03/2026 14:00

Well sorry that is going on. Some people in this country are really deluded to think they are the top of the world. This country is one of the worst to live in terms of quality of life and is on decline. Only here you hear arguments about wanting to fit in and all that. Let them

bestbefore · 27/03/2026 14:26

What horrible children. Hopefully she will soon be off leaving school or and won’t have to see them again. Enjoy Buckingham palace!

OhDear111 · 27/03/2026 15:05

@dottiehens Hmm. Not sure who you are comparing us with?!! We have some problems as we can see here but overall I quite like us!

swpark · 27/03/2026 21:14

Thanks so much everyone for the supportive words and advice! And yes, she's read some of the messages! 😍

She is feeling much better today and has gone to see a film with her friends. Bit of a learning experience for all of us... Won't be reporting to school, unless it happens again. They have four weeks of teaching left after the Easter break until A-level exams start, and she said 'she has better things do to with her time'.

Thank you.

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 27/03/2026 21:23

@swparkObvuously yours and her choice. But they have got away with it. Do monitor the situation and it’s great she has supportive friends.

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