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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

mocked for Gold DofE and 'acting British'

183 replies

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:05

We’ve lived in London suburbs since 2010 when we moved to the UK. It’s a leafy, quiet spot, and while it’s not the most diverse part of London, it’s a pro-European lib dem voter area. With our neighbors and our international employers being so welcoming, we’ve always felt like we fit right in and never faced any discrimination. There were occasionally instances of small comments or hearsay, but it was never anything serious.

Our kids grew up here. They went to a local nursery, the local state primary, and then the local state comprehensive secondary and sixth form. We’re originally from Eastern Europe, but we’ve got our dual citizenship and we’ve built a good life here. We’re university-educated with good jobs, and while London prices mean we aren’t exactly 'rolling in it', we’re doing fine since we own our (tiny) home and enjoy our holidays.

Today, my teen daughter came home incredibly upset. She was bullied and mocked at school because she just finished her Gold DofE. Because the Gold level of the award is new to her school, it was announced in the weekly school newsletter. She has a good circle of friends at school, but this other crowd really went for her. They called the whole thing useless and pretentious, saying she only did it because she’s a snob and wanted to 'act British'. They even dragged us into it, claiming we pressured her into it because we’re desperate to belong and that, as Eastern Europeans, we never actually will. She’s obviously excited for the Buckingham palace award ceremony. Anyone would be, but they acted like her (and our) excitement was just us trying too hard to fit in.

The worst part is that she genuinely loved the whole experience. She’s super sporty and outdoorsy, so the hiking and camping were right up her street, and she already does swimming and basketball anyway. She used her real hobbies, singing and cooking, for her skills and spent two years volunteering at a hospital and with girl guides (rainbows unit helper). The only 'extra' bit was a summer camp which she chose for her residential trip, but that was also useful for her uni personal statement.

Now she says she feels like a 'second-class Brit'. It’s heartbreaking because she grew up here; this is her home. She’s being made to feel like an outsider just for having some ambition and putting in the effort. Why be so bullish and judgmental toward someone who’s just working hard and making the most of things? This caught me completely off guard as she has never had any such incidents at school. She was really shaken by how nasty and aggressive their comments were.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/03/2026 06:13

Across Social Media it's been suggested that you aren't British unless your parents were. It's no doubt getting repeated in homes. My sister attended the anti fascist march in Liverpool (where we were both born) this was something thrown at her. I've had to avoid going to the pub when some things happen, becausethe conversations are going to get nasty and personal. This new angle of racism is worrying. Just have honest conversations around what makes people bullies and what's going on politically.

AnOn2909 · 27/03/2026 06:19

I’m so sorry your daughter experienced this. I’d send an email to the head of year or pastoral care at the school and mention that she is being bullied / discriminated against and ask them to keep an eye out to ensure it doesn’t continue

remotecontrolledphone · 27/03/2026 06:25

Sounds like the other kids are feeling jealous of the attention, praise and trip to BP your dd is getting, it's not the way to deal with negative emotions and someone needs to have a firm chat with them - you need to talk to the school.
Well done to your DD on completing the Gold, it's quite a challenge, no doubt she learned a lot but she also needs to learn that some people are twats - they use their failure in life to attack others - it's a them problem, be upset but move on - don't let the bastards grind you down - that's the way they win.

GuidingSpirit · 27/03/2026 06:34

Congratulations to your DD on her achievement! Im a rainbow and brownie leader (also in SW London as it happens) and our DofE volunteers are so often a joy and absolute asset to our units.

Im very sorry shes experiencing this. It is bullying as pp have said. Is she about to finish for the easter holidays? Maybe give it a few days, let her have a break away from school and then raise the issue of reporting again. These children are nearly adults and need to understand there are consequences to their behaviour.

Mintchocs · 27/03/2026 06:35

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:31

Thanks so much for the kind words. She’s asked us not to contact the school as she just wants to move on, but it’s clear she’s distressed; the way they spoke to her was something she’s never had to deal with before. And, she hasn’t had any issues with bullying since primary, and even that was quite minor.

@OhDear111 the hot chocolate is a great idea, we might just do that, or a family breakfast out on Sunday.

Xenophic little twats. Honestly its deep jealousy and I think they just went for the easiest low hanging fruit of an insult with their bullying that they thought would hurt her, and that was targeting her for being Eastern Eueopean. Like Farage and his anti Jew slurs at school. Its so vile. I second making a fuss of her at the weekend. Separartely I'd speak to the and ask it to be kep private as a conversation as I think the school needs to know.

OneNewLeader · 27/03/2026 06:36

WearyAuldWumman · 26/03/2026 23:11

It's jealousy, pure and simple.

My dad was Eastern European, but Mum was Scottish and I was born in Scotland.

i got good grades at school and was accused of being 'posh' and having rich parents. Mum used to be a housekeeper and later a waitress and factory worker. Dad was a coalminer.

My surname was obviously Eastern European and I was academic; ergo, I was picked on.

Honestly, this.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 27/03/2026 06:37

Horrendous, jealous little bullies.

TiredCatLady · 27/03/2026 06:37

OP, easier said than done at her age but perhaps remind her that people with her bullies mindset seldom get very far in life. Pathetic little racists that they are.

A massive well done to her on achieving gold and every success for her future.

user1492757084 · 27/03/2026 06:38

Well done her!

She should be rightly proud of her skills as it is difficult and she showed perseverance. Great that she is rewarded with a trip to BP and networking with other D of E Award recipients.

The nasty students are bullies, pure and simple.

Phone anonymously and insist that the school deal with bullies who rant and tease kids who work hard and achieve D of E Awards. Jealous bullies could turn kids off participating.
I hope they are called up at next assembly and awarded a large bright medal to wear on their chest stating BULLY.

Op, donate a wooden roll of honour board to be hung in the School Hall displaying names of recipients of the BULLY Award..

anotheranonanon · 27/03/2026 06:39

Your daughter should ignore them. Well done her.

SidewaysOtter · 27/03/2026 06:39

I’m so sorry this has happened to your daughter. It’s bullying and racism and it should be stamped down on. Hard.

What she’s achieved is amazing and she should be very proud of herself. I hope this doesn’t take the shine off her award for her. It’s probably not much comfort, but some people just cannot bear to see anyone else achieve anything or better themselves, so try to drag them down to their own miserable jealous little level. She is so much better than them!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/03/2026 06:41

InterestedDad37 · 27/03/2026 00:41

It's popular with youngsters round here, and they're very proud to do it.

Yes here too. We’re in a very non-posh part of South London too!

Ceramiq · 27/03/2026 06:42

She's being bullied because she is clearly a very high achiever and great all rounder. The xenophobia is not really the point. It will all get better when she goes to university but you need to be careful that she chooses a university that is cosmopolitan.

AlwaysLookOnTheBrightSideOfLife · 27/03/2026 06:44

Nasty twats. I'm shocked and saddened. I suspect she'd get the same if she aced her A levels. Some kids don't like success, but one day DD will look back and be flying high, I doubt her detractors will.

Neveranynamesleft · 27/03/2026 06:45

One of life's best lessons is learning how to ignore people that just do not matter. She can be the bigger person and will realise that those people will not be in her life forever and things can and do change.

Daysgo · 27/03/2026 06:45

Pure jealousy i'd say, good for her to have done it and great for her to have it on her cv too ! I'd encourage her to move on but I would try and persuade her to report to school if it happens again. Other than that, ignore them.

ThisJadeBear · 27/03/2026 06:48

What fine examples of British behaviour - bullies, and ignorant ones at that.
I bet if they all had their DNA tested there would be all sorts of backgrounds from many parts of the world.
I had mine done and I’m only technically 4 per cent British!
Gold D of E, by the time DD leaves school this award will be worth its weight in gold - literally! Not only did she really enjoy doing it - it will be of such value to her in future.
Not in the same league but a friend’s daughter won a really big modelling competition and got to be the face of a big brand at 17. The hate she got - even from her own friends and add in some teachers - was absolutely awful.
Why did they pick her she’s not even pretty?
She thinks she’s something special!
The money she got put her through Uni and she then chose to work in the fashion industry. She’s had a fantastic career.
Look forward to the trip to the Palace and really make a plan so your daughter can enjoy her big day.
(And as for our Royals, who are the pinnacle of being British, they aren’t exactly British in terms of their DNA, are they?)
Your daughter is the product of wonderful, hard working and talented parents.
She will go far in life and is already contributing to her local community.
As for the bullies, they are awful but are to be pitied. Happy, content and secure people have no interest in tearing someone down. They feel belittled by their own lives.

Hallamule · 27/03/2026 06:49

Is she being bullied @swpark ie is this harassment ongoing, or was it an isolated incident? If the latter, Id be more inclined to comply with your daughter's wishes and not speak to the school. If it is ongoing then you probably should.

Speaking as the child of immigrants who was born in London, I'm not sure that the first generation ever feels, or is accepted as, truly British. Certainly Ive always felt slightly caught between cultures, even though objectively I am far more British than I am anything else (and am certainly considered British if I go to my parents home country). Id also say its typical to get pushback from both sides - from your family and the immigrant community for being "too British" and from the British for not being British enough!

JustMyView13 · 27/03/2026 06:55

As part of one of my roles, we had internships available and I was responsible for filling the role. It is impossible to split young adults CV’s as they’re generally equally as bright and keen, and so generally what makes a person stand out is: DoE awards - gold is particularly impressive, any part time working they’ve done alongside studying, and any volunteering. After that, it comes down to personality and character.
It’s horrible being picked on, but your DC should be really proud of their achievement, and know that this will help them to stand out when they enter the jobs market.

BeHappyHazelCat · 27/03/2026 06:55

Your daughter should be incredibly proud of her achievement. Well done her! It additionally admirable that she did all of the work leading up to the expedition whilst still so young. It’s an impressive feat and she sounds like a well-rounded young woman.

This really should be reported to the school. It is racism (no matter who it is coming from, even from children who are/ whose parents are not British) and should be addressed properly. This attitude needs to be brought into the light and addressed by adults. Yes, the children involved may be jealous, but your daughter - or other children - should never face this attitude. It may be a one-off but is likely not, even if this is the first time your daughter has personally been exposed to it.

GreenGodiva · 27/03/2026 06:58

In ten years time the idiot kids who mocked her will be there ones that are serving her and cleaning her hotel rooms. Not that there is any shame in menial lower level work, but your dd has put the effort in to go above and beyond and that says much more about her determination than it does about their poor reaction to her brilliant effort.

DancingOctopus · 27/03/2026 07:02

They are jealous.
Well done to your daughter. It's horrible that they have been nasty but she's going to be out of school soon.

BlackRowan · 27/03/2026 07:07

This is plain bullying and bullies will
use anything, any otherness or any characteristic they can latch on, to bring another person down. They would have found something else even if she was British for generations (even King Charles was bullied in his own school).

you can’t let it go and you do need to let the school know though

The6thQueen · 27/03/2026 07:09

Remind your daughter that, despite the idiots who can’t see past their own immaturity to understand the scale of her achievement, there are a few Year 7 or Year 8 and older students who she had inspired by what she has done. They will read her story in the newsletter and imagine themselves receiving similar in a few years time, who are motivated to go for gold themselves. That is her legacy and one she should be proud of.

Wafflesandcrepes · 27/03/2026 07:09

This is racism. I’m really sorry this happened.

You need to speak to the school. I know it’s uncomfortable but these horrid people need to be spoken to. This will be logged as racist abuse against their names. At secondary school, they should know better.

Do you know anything about them? Are they in trouble from time to time/ regularly? Are their families likely to be horrified by what happened, indifferent or turn nasty?

I’m so sorry your daughter experienced this. Sending you and your family all my love.

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