AIBU to ask DH to step back from MIL’s health anxiety?

[Stripedpyjamass]

MIL has bad anxiety, mainly manifesting as health anxiety. It seems to be reaching a crisis point. In the last 7 days she has called an ambulance 3 times, taken herself to A&E twice and called us countless times with a health issue. She calls at all hours including the middle of the night. DH has family overseas and if she can’t get hold of him she calls them, who then call us. DH spent 3 hours at her house one evening calming her down then as soon as he left she called an ambulance.

She has therapy, we’ve tried to help so many times offering solutions, she takes medication for anxiety.

DH and I have a newborn baby and a toddler. Through sheer unfortunate luck, when I had DC2 I sustained a significant birth injury which impacts my life on a daily basis with pain and mobility. I am waiting for more major surgery and I have a catheter in which is uncomfortable and limits lifting.

DH understandably is focused on helping his mum which is fine but we are literally now at breaking point. He is suggesting now that he stays her temporarily so she’s not alone? But I physically cannot manage two children alone with my health problem. He’s taking unpaid leave from work to help her, but I’m also on maternity leave so we can’t afford this. MIL is sat pots of money! I don’t want him to take the children away from me to stay with her which is his other suggestion.

I am at a complete loss of what to do. AIBU to think we can’t keep stretching ourselves like this? And that DH needs to step back? Or is there anywhere else that we can get help for me or her?

This is so sad. Reach out to family/friends/hv for help. Your little ones seem to only have you to rely on since their dad is MIA. You have to put your health first so it doesn't get worse.

You have given him (and his mother) all the empathy that they deserve, OP.
My heart hurts for you, and I'm furious with him on your behalf.

He has basically abandoned you and your children at your most vulnerable, and i suspect that once the dust settles, this may be very difficult for you to get past. Not that I am saying for one moment that you should!!

Once you have had your appt, please go to your parents for some much needed support.
In the meantime, PLEASE speak to your friends and ask for help. I'm sure if your friends knew exactly what is going on, they would WANT to be there for you
You deserve so much better than this 💐

I think that she's looking at going into a private hospital/hotel, such as a Priory or somewhere similar. They're hideously expensive, but sometimes covered by Medical Insurance, which helps.

Sure. The treatment isn't about whether or not you have actual, real health conditions or a higher risk of something happening. It's about learning that worrying won't stop it from happening, reassurance seeking fuels the anxiety cycle, checking and googling constantly just increases your focus on your health and symptoms, making your anxiety higher which brings more symptoms and so forth. I find a lot of people think CBT for HA won't work if they do actually have health problems or a higher risk of developing them, because their knowledge is based on the notion that health anxiety is something physically health people get who think something is drastically wrong with them. But in reality anyone can get health anxiety. I'd def urge you to check out the link I posted for more info.

It doesn't surprise me that your MIL says CBT doesn't work, she's probably lacking in insight. So CBT will feel extremely pointless yet challenging. Counselling will suit her more as the counsellor likely lets her talk about her health worries at length, reassures her, and soothes her. Which does nothing but contribute to the health anxiety fuelling itself, but gives her a bit of relief in the moment.