AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

[LovelyBranches]

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

I totally agree OP. Too young for all of that. It takes the joy out of everything for them.

It's not 3 children out of 20. It's 3 children out of 15. There are 5 children who didn't audition because they aren't in the choir.

So 12 children in her class are involved in the event and 8 aren't. She has 7 other children to play with at lunchtime.

If there are limited places, how else is the school expected to make a decision?

I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable and well done for your measured and reasonable responses💐

If she wants to work in theatre she needs to get used to this.
I remember wanting to be the May Queen so badly at school. Didn’t get it. I wanted to be Mary in the school play. Didn’t get it. I was very disappointed but honestly got over it in a day or two. Don’t make a massive deal of this. There will be many disappointments in her life. We all have to learn at some point we don’t always get what we want.

I understand it’s upsetting for your dd and you’re annoyed on her behalf. At 9 it’s hard for her to understand what’s going on and feel deflated by the situation. However, she wasn’t forced to audition, she wanted to, I do agree with others that this is a matter of resilience. If she wants a career in theatre then this very well may be the start of realising that not all parts are perfect for her and she isn’t perfect for all parts.

I know she felt rubbish eating whilst friends are away rehearsing, that is rubbish but sadly it happens in a lot of schools when kids go to different lunch clubs. I think you should focus on how well she did auditioning and work on what she wants to do next, put the focus on something else.

I’m sorry you’re annoyed at the school, they couldn’t t select everyone and selected the children who performed best, that’s hard to hear for you and your dd but they didn’t purposefully exclude her.

I doubt your behaviour is helping your DD to get over her disappointment, OP.

Irelevant where it is. In or out of school, people get picked or not picked.
In school she hasnt been picked .

Out of school she has been picked for solos. Which means others havent. There will be disapointed children there who did not get solos.

She’ll get over it. Like all of us, she will have many disappointments in life. 🤷‍♀️

As another PP had said, if your DD had been selected & you then found out about the process for selection would you have made a thread on MN complaining about it? If you are honest, I imagine you wouldn't have felt the same sense of outrage.

It's tough and it sounds a bit OTT, but presumably this is the school you have chosen for your DD & this is how they do things.

You presumably can't change it so all you can do is help your DD to accept the situation and make the best of it.

I’ve not read all the replies. But could you speak to the school l about your dd (and the others if they wish) being substitutes? That way they get to go to the rehearsals ands if anyone is ill on the actual day one of them can step in.

No one on here knows what was in the teachers head or how out has been handled at school. So a chat might solve a lot of issues.

Age is irrelevant.
She didnt get picked on this occasion. She will not get picked for things on lots of occasions in life. We all want things we cant always have.
She could...........sit with other people at lunch.

I think it makes sense to audition, not everyone can sing and I’m assuming they perform publicly. They would be at risk of embarrassing children who can’t sing if they just let everyone in. Your DD needs to learn how to handle rejection, we all go through it. I can sympathise because my DD didn’t get the parts she went for in school plays at that age and was devastated- had to deal with the tears but you know, that’s life…

Id wager you wouldn't be here complaining about it all had she got in.

Id wager you wouldn't be here complaining about it all had she got in.

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable (and I think a lot if the mean commenters maybe don't really understand the context). Basically just 3 children in her year are now excluded from rehearsals that are a huge part of school life, and don't get to see much of their friends in lunch break - that's unreasonable of the school. You could maybe suggest to the school that these children are included in rehearsals at least so they don't feel so left out (if that's feasible, e.g. they could be spares in case anyone has to drop out of the event due to illness). But your daughter wasn't entitled to one of the places in the choir at the event. That bit's unreasonable.

I wouldn't be happy with my child missing every single lunchtime for months for this singing thing.

They need to be outside playing and talking and making up silly dances and mucking around.

I wouldn't be happy with my child missing every single lunchtime for months for this singing thing.

They need to be outside playing and talking and making up silly dances and mucking around.

No.

There's 8 children but not going to be in it.

They clearly could only take 12 from Year 4.

Agreed. When I was about 10 we all had to audition for the choir- as in stand in front of the class and sing a hymn in front of to everyone. I had never publically sang before, was embarrassed and was awful. I thought in my head I couldn’t sing very well anyway.
I was one of only a few who didn’t get in. I wasn’t really bothered about not being in the choir but hit my confidence that I wasn’t picked and most were.
anyway spent my whole life thinking I was a terrible singer based on that moment. Realised when I got older actually sing better than average. Never going to be brilliant but naturally I can sing comfortably in tune.
it’s funny how small moments like that can have knock on effects

There may be an element that they know your DD sings out of school and are making sure others who don’t (or maybe even aren’t as good)- still get a chance to experience this kind of thing. It sounds like it’s something your DD loves and has potential in, and presumably she will get loads of opportunities as she goes through life. So it’s disappointing but also not a bad thing to learn how to handle feeling like this. Think of famous actors that talk amusingly about not getting certain parts in school plays - it’s just life and honestly not the end of the world.

Thats not the schools fault, she is crying due to poor parenting.

It’s a Christmas show, they are usually recorded months before Christmas!

At one level I agree because it causes stress, but also if there's zero competition ever, it also means kids who are good at things get no chance to shine.

I was a good musician in school and remember being chosen to play piano/keyboard with the school orchestra or to be piano accompanist for voice and instrumental soloists in concerts. Usually a teacher would do those parts as they were difficult, but I was doing grade 5 piano by P7. I was stopped from doing it though, because the parents of other piano playing children didn't like it as their similar aged kids were still doing grades 1-3 and couldn't have managed the parts.

The message you get from those kinds of experiences as a child with a talent is that people will dislike and resent you if you're too good at something and you'll be seen as a show off if you want opportunities to use your talent, and that it's not a positive thing because it makes others feel bad.

I suspect that the wheelchair may be the reason. The staff are concerned about access to the venue and how she would be able to be placed.

Instead of working through a way to include her they have rejected her.