AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

[LovelyBranches]

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

My reply was to your comment that DD has a disability, so this was her place to shine... How is her disability relevant when it comes to singing? It isn't at all.

One of my children has a physical disability too (middle rate DLA) and another was also born with a visible difference. I have spent years since they were both both travelling to hospital appointments and specialist hospitals miles away also. Treatments, clinics, GOSH. Its awful for them - and me. And if them or I wasn't resilient we'd probably be drowning in sorrow!! For both of them, learning resilience and knowing their achievements don't define them and their worth/wellbeing actually comes from who they are, in their hearts, not their talents etc is much more important to me than anything else.
Your DD was sad. It's frustrating, it is sad... But that's why you come alongside her and tell her you hear her big feelings and are there for her. Teach her how she can regulate and calm herself. Show her where she can find joy, even in the disappointment. Help her work through her emotions so she can improve her emotional literacy.

Oh, the old 'look at the greatest paralympian in the world, you could be just like them if only you didn't complain about the lack of a ramp or hearing loop to get into the building' trope.

Nobody tells non disabled people that they could easily run 100m in less than ten seconds if they just tried a bit bit harder and thought happy thought because Usain Bolt exists and they're just the same.

Nope . 3 out of year 4 who wanted to join. OP doesn't say how many out of year 5 and 6 not taking part

That’s ridiculous. There were children at my school practically grade 8 at 11 years old often filling in for the teacher. One go so good she’d be playing the piano for the assembly hymns. I think of a parent had complained the school would have told them to encourage their child to practice more!

They won't be practising every day, surely, and not forever? We all have to learn to deal with disappointments in life and move out of our comfort zone occasionally. Your daughter is not too young to learn that.

It's a pity she was not chosen but life is like that and we move on. There will be other opportunities for her.

The same amount of children would be excluded though. The issue is that it sounds like a tiny school so only a small amount of children who are interested won't be able to take part which is nobody's fault.

9 year olds know what auditions are, especially those who are involved in similar things outside of school. Of course it's disappointing but you can't always be picked, that's just how it is with auditions.

Hopefully she will get her chance if another opportunity comes up. Maybe if they do it again next year.

I also suspected the wheelchair could be the reason, probably due to access in the venue or arrangement in terms of teacher to student ratio.

Whatever the reason might be, I feel sorry for your DD. It is not easy to go through for her, but if you can, please support her and tell her it's not her fault/being less talented. Many things in life can just happen to be unfavorable with no fault of her own. Encourage her to move on and look for other opportunities. I know it's hard to tell a 9-year-old, I totally get it.

I actually reckon they might have not given it to your daughter precisely because she does so much singing outside of school etc. They maybe decided that she would have plenty of opportunities regardless, and that to give other children who might not be involved in as much singing a chance at this was the fairer thing to do.

Hi OP. I think you've had some unpleasant replies on here, but that's AIBU, I'm afraid. It attracts people who are hell bent on taking issue with anything and everything, just for fun.

I think you sound lovely and your reaction to this is totally understandable. It's awful behaviour by the school to leave 3 of the actual committed choir out, taking others who aren't even interested in singing over them. Talk about stamping on a young child's self esteem, especially given your DD's particular circumstances.

My kids school did something similar. It was an independent school with a choir teacher who took it all extremely seriously. There were about 40 in the year. Probably half didn't even want to be in the choir, but he made everyone audition at the end of Year 4. My kids were always in, but I remember one year, he left just one girl out of all the girls in a class. As if including her would have made any difference! She really wanted to be in with all her friends too - it was more important for her than for many of the boys who got in but didn't really care. She was not a really loud it out of tune singer either. I thought it was ridiculous..

If it's a small school as you say, could you just ask a teacher why she wasn't included? They must realise she is a keen singer and this was important to her?

There is no law that states schools must include every child in the choir!

Please, teach your child to deal with disappointment or you're doing her a massive disservice as a parent.

No, but there is a morality which seems to have been broken here that you don't select the majority of a group of 9 year olds and leave a very small number out for no identifiable reason.

If the children themselves did that it would be called bullying.

Just because you enjoy something doesn't mean you are any good at it. Presumably others were better. It is hard when your child is not picked for something that they really wanted but it will stand her in good stead in the future. Resilience is hugely important thing . This moment hurts but she'll get through it. There will be far, far harder things in the future.

Nonsense. They auditioned. There was a finite number of spots. It’s nothing to do with either ‘morality’ or ‘bullying’.

Far too many Mners seem to be still living through their own schooldays.

My grandchildren auditioned for the Eisteddfod last weekend. So they do audition.

There’s 20 in the year, 15 auditioned and 12 went through, so there’s 8 (almost 50% of the year not participating.

Well that experience is not universal.

My DC was obsessed football and tried out for numerous local teams. None would take him because he didn't start at 5 like others did so was naturally a bit behind. He didn't have experience playing as part of a team so while he was good at finding space and passing generously he wasn't very practiced at wider team dynamics.

There were no non competitive teams with ANY space at his age group, we were on waiting lists for years. He's never once been able to play as part of a team as a result, 6 years later.

I live in a big city too with numerous teams. There are seemingly not enough coaches to manage lower skilled teams (well there are but only girls teams).

There are plenty of auditioned (and non) choirs for adults too.

if she wants to work in the theatre, she ll better get used to it. You audition, sometimes yoy get the job sometimes you dont.

yes they are in primary school but she is 9. She can understand that she ll have a go again next year and the year after.
if thats your attitude in front of her, you re not helping. You need foster resilience and be happy for her friends. You need to teach her being gracious.

i know it s not fair but it s the same with sports. Not all the kids are in the A team, and some of them are in the As but they are subs.

it s life! Better start to model resilience or she ll find it very hard in secondary school

Do they have to travel somewhere to film whatever this thing is? Is it the inconvenience of the wheelchair that has had an impact?
Is she a really good singer who should have smashed the audition? Or just an ok singer but you feel all should be included?

She was in the A team, she had won a singing competition, she knows what competition is.

What she doesn't understand is why she has now been left out for no apparent reason when 12 out of the 15 and the entire group 2 years above her were selected.

For me, for a 9 year old, this is one "opportunity to build resilience" that I don't feel she should have been offered.

Go on - be THAT mum who complains about her little darling being left out.

Or you could try and get your DD some singing lessons privately and nourish her interest in theatre at home instead of relying on school to make allowances.

Just because she likes singing doesn’t mean she’s any good at it - I know from personal experience 😅

When are you planning on her learning this lesson? Nine is age appropriate. Or were you considering leaving it until 15 because that could be very difficult indeed.

That is super sad.

I know this will be unpopular but you need to get him private coaching. Lots of the people who coach teams, also private coach. Find a team you want him to get into and arrange private sessions and explain the problem. Either they will think good enough for their team or most likely know other coaches of other teams. You need to hussle for the spots rather than just wait.

football is rather sadly one of those things where talent gets you so far and then it is networking.

and learning that we can’t have everything that we want in life; she will have to fight hard all the way through life if she’s going to achieve anything so this is simply her first hurdle. She has two more years to have her chance and sadly, having singing lessons doesn’t mean that she can actually sing well.
I’m sorry if I sound harsh but your job is to support her to be resilient; it isn’t to turn her into a prima donna.

How many children are in your daughter’s year OP? Of that number, 3 (your daughter and 2 others, were left out)
In my child’s year, there’s 2 classes of 30, so 60 kids in total. I would also be upset if they picked 57 kids to go, it does feel like an exclusion when it’s it’s on that scale. But, if it’s like my friends child’s school (who has 20pupils in his year) I wouldn’t be so cross at 17 being picked out of the 20, as it just feels like there’s limited spaces to me.

Being excluded at a young age has already damaged my DD’s self esteem-before it’s even had an opportunity to fully develop.

Didn't the solo singing and winning the Eistedfodd boost her self esteem?

Maybe she had a poor audition? If they hold auditions then that is the time you have to show what you have got, you don't get picked because you performed well at other times.

Maybe there are children who are actually better than her at singing? 😱

I do hope you will talking to the teachers at her out of school choir to say how unfair it is that other children don't get as many solos as she does.