Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

I’d reply to say I don’t think I was meant to see this, but please let me know when you’d like to speak.

I would initially be fuming OP. it's so disrespectful !!! However I would take the moral high ground that's the best thing you can do. I would mention it to my manager by saying something like "I don't think the senior management believe its important as this is what they have said in response" so that they are aware, but don't give them any more of your time and thoughts. Just because they think that doesn't mean its true aswell, some senior people are crap at their job !

Also just a note on people saying it's because she is a female. That did not cross my mind. To me it was because they are higher than you..there is nothing to suggest they would not have done the same if you were male.

In some properly regulated areas, this manager would be getting the boot or at least a warning

Come off it. I'm not sure what amounts to a 'properly regulated area' but I work with a fair few people who are subject to the FCA's Senior Manager & Certification Regime and can say with great confidence that nobody would give a monkey's about this email. No it's not sunshine and lollipops or phrased in the bland corporate drone-speak that many MNers seem to think must be used at all times at work, but it's also a long way from breaching employment regs.

Honestly, if the OP is looking to get ahead in a big corporate project management role then she needs to be able to take this sort of thing in her stride. While it would be nice if running to HR resulted in the manager being busted back down to tea boy and realising the error of his ways, in reality all it will achieve is the OP being labelled a snowflake/PITA.

I've been restraining myself from mentioning that since early on in the thread!

Throughout my career I needed "reining in", OP - according to the less qualified people in the seam of leadership above me who felt threatened. I watched it happen with (mostly female) colleagues, too. I would let your manager know his error, and let him know that you find it amusing; I'd definitely throw a laugh in whilst regaling. Your resilience will either impress or hit a nerve, but if you're genuinely feeling knocked then your intentions might be to look elsewhere anyway.

It could be ‘you’ that needs reining in, (in his mind), or it could be the ‘situation’ (ie the lack of cooperation from his team).

It’s very blunt and obviously not intended for you to see. I’d treat it like anything else I wasn’t supposed to have received - just delete it. If your own manager is supportive then this person’s opinion isn’t going to mean a lot.

Just make sure any legitimate concerns about the project are well documented and that you keep raising issues with your line manager. Just so you’re not scapegoated for any failures later.

I’d send it on to your manager cc’ing them both in with something REALLY polite along the lines of “per your suggestion it looks like ‘certain person’ is going to speak to me so as soon as I hear from them I’ll let you know”
That way THEY KNOW they’ve been caught being wholly inappropriate and you deserve an apology!!!

"Thanks, I look forward to the meeting. P.S.: it's reining, not reigning"

I mean, obviously don't send that, but sometimes it's nice to imagine these things, right?

I would print out the email and put it on my pinboard.

Have you gone in to support a team you don't normally work with? The snr manager might be feeling he's lost control if he has a stakeholder issue, so is on the back foot. It's not acceptable what has been said, but I think that might be where the DH comment came from.

I would reply to all and ask the person when they're free to meet because you agree, the situ with stakeholders needs to be managed.

You then save everyone inc the person who copied you in and the senior manager who hopefully will feel contrite or grateful. It might buy you some favour. Def shows good stakeholder management.

I think what a lot of people are missing is that you work in a big corporate. Getting things done in a big corporate requires being able to influence without authority, navigate complex matrixed organisations, collaborate with others to steer things to conclusion, understand their context as part of the end-to-end system. This is part of that. In a way it's very valuable feedback as you have an insight into these stakeholders now. But all the going to HR, sending a smart answer back, asking your manager to deal with it, etc. is nonsense. I assume it's part of the job to figure out how to get things done, so you've got to do that.
This might be time ahead of the meeting with them to gather info on the team - what are they like to work with, what are the challenges they're facing at the moment (maybe your project just isn't a priority and they have some other big problems). Think about how to identify a shared goal or how to present the problem to get them onside. Then go to your manager and say 'I've been prepping for the meeting with xyz. From my research I think it could be challenging for these reasons. I also suspect they are dismissive of it based on this email. Any advice before I meet with them?'.
Be professional, curious, constructive. You may come out of this with a great new working relationship, or worst case a learning about a difficult team, but either way don't turn it into a drama.

Yes, exactly this - this is why I asked upthread whether the project was something that the team needs or something the OP needs them to cooperate in to make the project she is responsible for work. I suspect the latter, in which case stakeholder management is a huge part of these kinds of role. A classic interview question would be 'tell me about a time you've had to engage reluctant stakeholders in a project' - 'well, I went straight to hr/ sent them a sarky and inflammatory email' aren't good answers!

It sounds like your stakeholder doesn’t agree with the project or your team’s approach, and part of me wonders whether your boss sent you into an equal battle if he knew.

Corporates are hierarchical so I’d also explore if you’re a similar level, or have enough clout to succeed in that meeting without your boss.

But would I take it personally or mail HR? Absolutely not - just see it as insight and move on..

I would work on the assumption that it's the situation which needs reining in and I would start next conversation with "glad we all agree this needs reining in and we need to spend some time on this".

Just ignore it and have the meeting. Don’t involve HR.

It's really ambiguous. Try not to take it personally, OP

Could just be that you're doing too much. We used to have staff that would stray off mission and invest way too much time on projects and clients that needed 'reining in' to stop them burning themselves out and bankrupting the company. It was recognised that they weren't bad workers, they just needed a steer on what the priorities and desired outcomes were and when it was appropriate to step back.

Because as many have pointed out, the email can be read in many ways - you don't have to jump to the worst possible version and jump in all guns blazing.

The email from the senior manager read to me as something that gets sent by someone who has responded to 100 emails by 8am, trying to deal with a million things as quickly and simply as possible. Probably sent to someone who knows his style and meaning well, so doesn't need to fill in the gaps.

Sure he could have meant 'there's a silly little woman giving me gyp - make her think we are taking her seriously and shut her down, then we'll just carry on as before'

or he could have meant 'Had an email raising some issues with project X. Looks like the comms haven't been great, so can you take that in hand and make sure the project doesn't go off track'

Personally I would lean towards the latter unless there is more information we don't have access to about the character of the manager in question.

I would also suspect if it is more the latter, that the email wasn't forwarded by mistake. It was to show the OP that the matter was being taken in hand appropriately - because if the person who sent it on didn't read anything untoward into this they would have no reason not to use it to let the OP know what steps were being taken.

Occam's razor. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one.

I work in a big corp and THIS is what you say!!

I agree with this

For any HR professionals on here, do you seriously get employees running to you about every little perceived slight, mis-judged joke or overheard comment or does it really only exist in the wacky world of MN. It seems hard to believe this goes on in real life

I agree this sounds professional and clear.

This is why I never write anything like this in an e-mail, even to someone I trust. It’s too likely that things will be shared. All they needed to write was ‘put some time in’, none of the rest is necessary. Anything more sensitive can be discussed in person if it’s needed.

I think the source of the problem may be your own manager who agreed you should send an email about issues with stakeholders. The senior manager on seeing this may have thought what’s going on here and predicted a hornets’ nest being stirred up.

His phrasing wasn’t great but it was probably an off the cuff instruction to a member of his team to understand what was going on before any further action might have been taken.

the fact that this has happened actually points to issues with the way the project is being run. Issues with stakeholders shouldn’t really be raised in this way by email. In fact email isnt a great way to raise any issues unless urgent.

I absolutely read this as the Senior Manager of the other team is sorry at rhe way things have been for you on this project and thinks the situation needs reining in.
The only thing to do is do nothing. Any response makes you look unprofessional not to mention a little unhinged

Take the money, do the job, don't make it personal. Me,I couldn't be arsed to escalate this very short off the cuff remark. For one thing, while you know what you'd mean by reining in, you don't know what the author means. He might just be bad with words. Also, consider whether you do in fact need to be encouraged to slow down a bit. None of us are perfect.

A lot depends on the specific corporate culture here and the nature/context of the project.

The apparent issue with Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to is that it focuses exclusively on managing your (or more broadly, project management's) feelings rather than identifying and solving problems or improving two- way communication and making sure there's a common understanding between project management (you) and the specific stakeholder (sr. manager's department) so that the project can move forward and be successful. It may just be poor wording. It may be that your communication came out of the blue and therefore the sr manager is dealing with it as a distraction for now since he wasn't formally asked/didn't agree to allocate resources to your project. But it may also hint that this project (or aspects of it) may be important to the organisation/has high-level backers that the sr manager doesn't want to risk provoking or challenging, but may be either a low priority or undesirable from this particular stakeholder's perspective.

DON'T take this email personally or let it dent your confidence. No one is saying that YOU are doing a bad job, just (at most) that they don't want to fully engage at this time. Your receiving this email gives you a piece of information and insight that you weren't intended to have (and the sr manager and the colleague who replied may not even know you have). Keep it, document it, use it to your advantage if you can. I'd keep quiet about the email for now and plan to attend the meeting and see what happens. I'd let your boss (as he specifically referred you to this sr manager) know what happened but approach it not as "should I be insulted?" but "should I be concerned that the project is not being taken seriously/that Sr. Manager's department may not share our goals and may just be giving lip service?" Be clear that you have a plan, and just want to check in case there's some context or info you're missing.

As a side note, what the sr manager wrote and more importantly the fact that the junior colleague "accidentally" copied you COULD be significant and could even be an HR issue if it's part of a larger pattern - not because it's explicitly and obviously wrong but because it comes across as incompetent. If these people are being so careless in their communications with you, what's to stop them from accidentally sending something inappropriate/potentially offensive to a client? Letting your boss know that this has happened also gives you proper guidance here in case you're in a corporate culture where you would be expected to report this or to let the sender know you received it in error.