Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

Take a day to feel your feelings, then reframe this to what it actually is - intel and insight.

We rarely get to hear what other people truly think of us - mostly because it’s none of our business. But now you know, think about how you can take the feedback on board when interacting with this person so shift his perspective.

Yep I completely agree. I head up a change function and had one horrendously dramatic team member who wouldn’t let the smallest thing go - the project was her one and only thing to worry about, I had another 50 my boss another 100 things and so on but she wanted attention constantly. She’d make sweeping comments about departments being broken, no one caring but her. Exhausting.

So could be that, could be he’s a knob, could be that he doesn’t like any criticism- whatever it is you need to manage him so I’d speak to him. It doesn’t strike me as a sexist comment.

Forward to HR, CC the idiot. Just write: Please could you put some time in with this one and explain professionalism. Needs reining in. Please also forward me the grievance procedure. Kind regards.

Not really. I'd be tempted though. Really I'd just raise with your manager.

I quite enjoy getting this sort of information - it happens more than you'd expect, but most people don't scroll down to check!

I wouldn't feel shit: I think it's really important to be able to cope with workplace feedback, however you get it, and even if it's brutal.

It's unclear whether the email means you or what you are involved with, also.

I'd leave it for now, but have it in my back pocket as a wider awareness of perhaps the situation, or how I am coming across. Take it as learning!

I second this

It's disrespectful, but let's not pretend those sorts of emails are unusual from certain types of managers, the unusual bit is that you were copied in. Take it as (blunt) feedback, that your approach isn't landing well with this team. I don't think you have anything to gain from escalating it. I wouldn't respond to the email, but would bring it up when you meet with the colleague. It's quite likely they bring it up or apologise themselves, but if not, you could raise it "I realise I was copied into that email by mistake, which was awkward, but I take it that manager X wants to take a different approach with the stakeholders..." If you don't mention it it risks becoming an elephant in the room.

I would try to avoid taking this personally.

Your manager asked you to poke someone else's team to get something done. They are responding but perhaps slightly reluctantly. That may be exactly what your manager expected, and you may achieve exactly what they expected / wanted to. It just wasn't as friendly as you'd hoped.

Let your boss know, and check out whether they want you to raise a problem, or just keep gently pushing to achieve what your team needs. This may just be part of your job. Different groups are often protective of their resources.

Meh, totally normal language in my work place. Clearly they have different views of what is needed and they need to get aligned. I think it’s important to remove emotion, which this does.

Bottom line is your manager asked you to do something and the person you contacted can’t be arsed - it’s a comment on the issue rather than you specifically.

I would just FW it to your manager only and say it seems they don’t want to be bothered with it and leave it with her.

Bottom line is your manager asked you to do something and the person you contacted can’t be arsed - it’s a comment on the issue rather than you specifically.

I would just FW it to your manager only and say it seems they don’t want to be bothered with the issue a leave it with her.

There is some terrible advice on this thread!! Blimey some of you would have op ruin her professional reputation over something that yes does sting but is completely minor and not personal.

I like the idea of innocently asking your manager how they would take it. Or just update your manager that yes you're speaking to these people but they seem a bit resistant, and let your manager know after you had the meeting.

I'd say nothing and give nothing away. Framed one way, they could actually be doing you a favour - maybe on this occasion you do need to be heard and listened to, so that your concerns are less. Maybe this is in the interest of the project and org.

I'd mentally mark that manager though & save that email though for future use if needed.

I'd say nothing and give nothing away.

She will have to give feedback to her manager otherwise her manager will think she hasn’t done as she was asked.

Equally her manager needs to know that senior manager is resistant. If it’s an important issue for the company the manager may need to escalate the issue elsewhere.

If that's your advice I can only assume that you're new or very junior

Why do you assume that?

Because you don't understand that trying to bollock or get bollocked a more senior manager will endanger your career, I presume.

This really isn't how HR ( usually) operate

As a battle-scarred veteran of corporate life, I agree with your husband here. But I would also save (and print) a copy just in case things escalate further down the line. You never know when HR will ask for evidence of poor behaviour.

Yep! I’d be sending back cc-ing your manger asking them to clarify why you need reigning in!

If you actually read my advice, you’ll see that it is about OP asking for ADVICE on how to manage a very tricky professional challenge, which HR are best placed to advise on. She’s not raising a complaint, she’s not asking HR to sort it out, she’s asking how she should manage it herself. IF she has a good HR department, they’ll make a mental log of the situation and keep it on their radar. How do you know other people haven’t come forward to complain about similar behaviour? He could have a full roster of similar situations against him - if HR aren’t aware, how are they meant to support?
This is how poor leadership behaviours fester creating toxic work environments.

So thank you for your assumption that I must be junior or new to HR - neither are true and I’d suggest you read and think about other’s posts more thoroughly before making assertions on their qualifications and credibility to provide an informed view.

This.
id tell HR aswell tbh. It’s inappropriate language. Unprofessional at best!

HR will "make a mental log"? Have you ever worked in a large organisation? That could be one big mental log for 000s of employees

Just give the thumbs up emoji so they know you have seen it, then let them sweat…..

Totally this.

I agree! In my last company which had over 200k employees I can only imagine the reaction going to HR for help on a maybe slightly snarky email (if interpreted that way). It would have been sent straight back to my manager to deal. But at least the company would have been so big it probably wouldn't have come back to bite me. Now in my smaller big corporate company, about 5k people, I'd be worried about the mental note made about my lack of ability to deal with a potentially slightly snarky note (it's definitely not a very tricky business challenge) and how it might reflect on me later.
It's maybe one shitty email. Life is full of people who are grumpy or unpleasant or having a bad day. Work is full of people who might talk about you behind your back. When you're holding colleagues accountable but don't have authority it's always a challenge. If you can figure out how to have a positive working relationship with all of those types of people, it'll become your superpower! That's not being a doormat, but equally it's not being a drama llama.

I’d take it to mean you, and I wouldn’t let it go.
i was once included in an email not for me as they hadn’t took me out on responses and I was classed as the little woman who knew nothing and needed coddling.
it was through my landlord regarding my boiler leaking. I took it higher than him. When the plumber came out he advised we were months if not weeks from the boiler blowing up which would have took the row of houses with it.
dont let it go, even if you cc everyone in and send it to your manager just saying. Email sent as you specifically requested, and response received for your notes.