A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

[roses19837]

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

Unless you have a history of irrational jealousy and this is not the first time you’ve got wound up by your husband talking to women then I’d say your spidey senses are telling you that your husband cannot be trusted with this woman.
Despite you saying you trust your husband, you obviously don’t otherwise you wouldn’t be wanting him to block her.As you say he has been very attentive to her in the past.
You cannot control him and how he behaves and it’s unfair to make her the villain of the piece. Stop trying to control him - if anything is going to happen between them then it will whether she is blocked or not. You’ll know if it does.

I’m finding it hard to see how you could possibly have a good marriage. But that wasn’t your question and it’s none of my business.

With the mooning and the mentionitis, it’s obvious you suspected an affair, maybe not unreasonably.

It’s also obvious you didn’t read an email by chance as you walked past.

You don’t trust him. That’s the issue

You sound quite unhinged.

And you didn't read that level of detail just walking by, you clearly snooped in his email.

It's very clear that his behaviour in the past with this woman has given you some justification for being concerned about his interaction with her. It's not surprising that you are now cautious of her interaction with him.

You are definitely snooping on him, you couldn't possibly know what the email was about and that he didn't reply if not, but given what you report I'm not surprised you are wary.

I don't know why you're getting quite so much stick from people, the "older husband falls for younger woman who's nice to him at the office" is a well worn story.

What about the ‘young woman who is just trying to do her job while being perved on by older man whose wife keeps a tight leash on him’?

And if my husband does that then he can eff off with her.

she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc

This is classic deflection.

The bottom line is that you suspect that your husband fancied this woman (and it sounds like he did), so you are making unpleasant assumptions about her motives based on the way she presents herself.

I strongly suspect that it was driven by him more than her. She very likely just wanted to dress professionally for work or, God forbid, because she’s an attractive young woman.

Your problem is with your husband. If you don’t trust him, you need to be looking at the root cause and working out if you can stay in your marriage, rather than trying to police his contact (which never works).

And stop judging other women because you don’t trust him. This is your problem, not theirs.

I haven't made any comment about the young woman, what about her? My comment was solely that I don't understand why this poster is getting so much stick for suspecting her husband of inappropriate behaviour.

Well your husband is the problem then isn’t he? I wouldn’t stand for my DH eyeing up, ogling, becoming a silly school boy etc around a young intern. And yes, it’s plausible she was trying to get his attention with the email but only because he encouraged her when she worked with him and perhaps she misses the connection he brought about.

She getting stick because she’s looking at this the wrong way around.

She’s not wrong to suspect her husband of inappropriate behaviour but she’s assuming its the fault of the target of the inappropriate behaviour. Based on how she dresses etc.

There’s every reason to think her husband was flirting with this young woman. Very little evidence that she initiated it.

It’s victim blaming.

You have tickets on your husband that's for sure! 🤣

Because that ISN'T what the OP is saying.
She is saying that she knows her husband was never inappropriate (although on the other hand mentions his leery behaviour she out a stop to)... and instead is blaming a young professional women for speaking to her husband and getting dressed up for work.

She's trying to say her absolutely unhinged behaviour reading her husbands email and WhatsApp messages, telling him who he can and cannot speak to etc is all warranted because a 20 something year old intern cared about her appearance 🙄

Oh dear OP, you are saying that because someone takes pride in their appearance they are looking for attention. I do my hair and a bit of make up daily to make me feel good about me, not for anyone else's benefit or as attention seeking. Has it ever crossed your mind that she is doing the same and not to attract your DH or attention.

Anyone should be able to look how they like, dress how they like without being accused of attention seeking!!!!

She is doing nothing wrong here, your DH from what I understand was being kind to someone when they worked together and have had no contact apart from this one email since she left the company. An email which he hasn't responded to, just skipped past it.

You need to get over your insecurities.

She's a worried woman, rightly so based on past experience of this pairing in a work situation and in that context her behaviour is far from unhinged.

Have you seen how many threads on MN start this way then the OP wakes up to the fact that they are in denial about their partner? The signs are all there in this one.

Then what the helm is your problem?!
You don’t blame her.
You don’t suspect him.
Wind your neck in and stop trying to control your husband’s interactions with your inane insecurities.

Her behaviour is unhinged - snooping through emails and WhatsApp, knowing how much he chatted to each employee, blaming the woman for daring to be well groomed. None of this is normal.

OP you sound really insecure, jealous and immature. I doubt she did it to get his attention. Maybe she did do it because she values his professional input though.

I was always dressed immaculate at work, long hair done perfectly, make up done, nicely dressed, nails done because it made me feel better and in certain professions means you get more respect to. It didnt mean I was after anyone's husband. I wasn't although I may have liked some of the men I worked with because they were decent people. Maybe she was just being pleasant? I always was because I was professional.

If your feeling insecure tackle that.

But that’s the fault of the husband, not the woman who was on the receiving end of him being a creep.

No one’s disputing that the OP has a right to be concerned. Its the emphasis which is wrong and the unpleasant sexist attitude that its her fault.

Why are you in his inbox? If you were a man I’d be telling your wife to leave you.

Another one saying this is crackers. Apparently you trust your DH and this woman has done absolutely nothing wrong - it's the most innocuous group email ever - and yet you're scratching around overreacting to some heinous and entirely imagined crime of her 'wanting attention', when you're the one who's so needy of attention that other women need to be blocked in case your DH likes them in any way, benign, leering or entirely in his/your head. You need help - and to stop policing his email however 'accidentally'. I get plenty of group emails from people I used to work with and its no one's business to fantasise relationship dramas from them. I'd think my DH was unhinged if he told me to block someone on that basis.

This is interesting. I style my hair every morning, put on makeup and try to look smart/nice everyday. I had no idea I was trying to have an affair! What should I do? Stop washing? Stop talking to the opposite sex at work? Tell HR immediately?

OP this is crazy. And your constant need to justify your behaviour and justify your feelings all amounts to you seeming unhinged.

Let it go FFS.

If she has any worries, they should be in respect of her husband.... not a random intern whi happened to brush her hair 🙄

There's nothing really in the OPs story that I'd be concerned about her husband having an affair. On the other hand I think she is completely unhinged... like who follows their husband around his workplace and interjects into his conversation with his staff and then tells him how he is allowed speak to said staff? A loon... thats who.

The story about happening to see the Google photo doesn’t really sound likely unless it was blown up to full screen. You admit you have been through his WhatsApp before, if you do say anything to him, at least admit to him you were snooping through his emails.

OP equates turning up to work looking presentable and decent, and not immediately closing down any conversation a male might start with "wanting attention". Based on that, and the rest of her posts, I'm minded to think that her husband isn't actually leering, staring and lapping up everything this Woman says, and his interactions are just actually.....normal.