Thank you for responding to my previous post OP. I'm afraid this is going to be a long one, but one I believe is necessary.
Below I have copied and pasted a list of many of the things classed as ‘Coercive Control by the Crown Prosecution Service, it would appear just from the little you’ve told us, that your husband is subjecting you to SEVERAL items on the list.
- isolating a person from their friends and family
- depriving them of their basic needs
- monitoring their time
- monitoring a person via online communication tools or using spyware
- using digital systems such as smart devices or social media to coerce, control, or upset the victim including posting triggering material
- taking control over aspects of their everyday life, such as where they can go, who they can see, what to wear and when they can sleep – this can be intertwined with the suspect saying it is in their best interests, and ‘rewarding’ ‘good behaviour’ e.g. with gifts
- depriving them of access to support services, such as specialist support or medical services
- repeatedly putting them down such as telling them they are worthless
- enforcing rules and activity which humiliate, degrade or dehumanise the victim
- forcing the victim to take part in criminal activity such as shoplifting, neglect or abuse of children to encourage self-blame and prevent disclosure to authorities
- economic abuse including coerced debt, controlling spending/bank accounts/investments/mortgages/benefit payments
- controlling the ability to go to school or place of study
- taking wages, benefits or allowances
- threatening to hurt or kill
- threatening to harm a child
- threatening to reveal or publish private information
- threatening to hurt or physically harming a family pet
- assault
- physical intimidation e.g. blocking doors, clenching or shaking fists
- criminal damage (such as destruction of household goods)
- preventing a person from having access to transport or from working
- preventing a person from learning or using a language or making friends outside of their ethnic or cultural background
- family ‘dishonour’
- reputational damage
- sexual assault or threats of sexual assault
- reproductive coercion, including restricting a victim’s access to birth control, refusing to use a birth control method, forced pregnancy, forcing a victim to get an abortion, to undergo in vitro fertilisation (IVF) or other procedure, or denying access to such a procedure
- using substances such as alcohol or drugs to control a victim through dependency, or controlling their access to substances
- disclosure of sexual orientation
- disclosure of HIV status or other medical condition without consent
- limiting access to family, friends and finances
- withholding and/or destruction of the victim’s immigration documents, e.g. passports and visas
- threatening to place the victim in an institution against the victim’s will, e.g. care home, supported living facility, mental health facility, etc (particularly for disabled or elderly victims
Coercive control has been illegal since 2015, and it’s not as hard to prove as something like rape OP, so don’t be afraid of reporting it, as you will be taken seriously.
Bearing in mind what you said in your most recent post about your health, by not allowing you to exercise, your husband is putting your already damaged heart at risk, and as I believe someone else indicated, very often ill health can be a sign of, and even caused by stress and lack of sleep.
If not for your own sake, you really do need to get help OP, as how will your children cope without their Mum, when your heart gives out, and they only have him to care for them?
Please, go and see your doctor, presumably he doesn’t object to that? Ask to see a female GP, as doubtless there are still male doctors out there, who don’t understand coercive control, even if they do understand physical abuse in a marriage. If questioned by the receptionist tell them that you need to see a female doctor about ‘women’s problems’, and if pressed, please bear in mind that you DO NOT HAVE TO TELL THEM why you want to see the doctor, just say ‘It’s private’. When you see the doctor, tell her everything you’ve told us, and ask for help. This will be put on record, and will go a long way to evidence the fact that your husband is controlling you to the detriment of your health and wellbeing.
I really hope that you will take notice of all of the people who have taken the time and trouble to think about your situation, and tell you what you need to do to take care of yourself and your children. Please don't tell me that they need their father, as by your own admission, he simply isn't there for them, or for you. As a matter of interest, what does his Mum think about you not being allowed out of the house?