Does being a mum mean worrying forever?

[mcrlover]

DD (baby) is at the end of recovering from a sick bug, and it has been such a stressful few days. Finally she's asleep and I have so much residual stess. She started nursery a few months ago so is still catching everything. I am finding it so stressful and anxiety-inducing. Feels like I'm in a constant stress loop that she's healthy and safe.

Is being a mum this stressful all the time (YANBU) or does the stress and worry get better (YABU)?

For me it has got worse as they have become older. Mine are now 21 and 22 and I worry an awful lot about something happening to one of them - neither are at home now. DD best friend was killed last year aged 21 and this has heightened my fretting even more. I try really hard not to but as a Mother it feels impossible not to worry.

Yes. It gets worse and worse as they get older. Mine are now at university and I worry about them more than ever.

I’m normally trying to reassure parents that everything gets better with time, especially at your stage of parenting, but unfortunately I think worry for our kids is an element of parenting that only gets worse not better, the older they get the bigger the problems and the less you can shield them from the world.

Unless you’re my MIL, who has a spectacular ability to switch off thinking about her children.

Mine are 27 and 20 and I can concur that it only gets worse.

I've already said I'm.not having children in my next life for that reason alone. I love them and they're great people but the worry...

Absolutely!

Wait until they pass their driving test!…..

Sorry OP.
The worry does not stop when they are adults and I also completely agree with @Berlinlover

Well my eldest is 40 and i worry about her and her siblings. I now have Grandchildren to worry about. The minute before you know you are pregnant is your last "free" moment. The older your children get the more you have to worry about.

My children are now 17 and 20 ....the worrying is still there!!! Not as much as when they were tiny but still there. Sorry OP!

There's the phrase little kids little problems, big kids big problems,it's so true.

I just see it as the price you pay.

But it is tiring.

I still worry about my children - now in their 50s - and then there is the grand children…..

Yes it never ends OP. The 'issues' just grow with them. But you also get to share in the joy too.

I was having this conversation via text with a friend at the weekend. We have kids that are young adults. We both agreed, you never stop worrying.

I don’t think so. I don’t worry about stuff. I mean, there are proper things in life to worry about. I have advanced cancer. I may not live to see my kids grow up. I worry about the impact of me dying on them and how they would cope without me. I worry about squeezing in a lifetime of advice and guidance into a few years. But I don’t worry about bugs or injuries or friendships. Nothing bad will happen because they have a cough. I keep them safe. I’m a good parent. There isn’t really much mundane day to day stuff to worry about.

Yes and no, peaks and troughs and as they get older the worries change. That sick with anxiety feeling lessens (I’ve found)

I asked my Mum when “they’re alive” stops being the first thing I think when I see my kids and she told me it’s still the first thing she thinks when I see her 😮‍💨

Yep! It’s relentless. It reduces a little when they find a parter and leave home, especially if they are a distance away, but it never really stops! And like some PPs have said, then come the DGCs ❤️

I was congratulating myself that my kids (all adults, in their thirties!) had just reached the stage where I could stop worrying myself sleepless over them (although I never told them...). They've just all bought houses, in settled relationships, good jobs, have savings - I breathed a rather hubristic sigh of relief.

Then my DD got pregnant, had a difficult pregnancy and has just delivered a rather premature and very small baby and I'm back to square one again.

I think as long as they don't KNOW that I still worry about them (I affect a rather breezy 'lots of love but hands' off' attitude to their lives), it's all right.

I was pondering this the other day - the Life360 advert where the mum sings about the hundreds of ways she imagines her child could die is weirdly reassuring to me - because I do the same. I worry about my DCs a lot.
However, the pay off is that I also get to share their joy. Everything little thing that brings them happiness brings me happiness too.

Welcome to being a parent!
DC is 32, lives with his gf. I probably worry just as much now about him as I did 30 years ago, they’re just different things to worry about.

I find I worry about them more now than when they were little - ours are the same ages.

When they’re little you know where they are, what they’re doing, who they’re with, what’s happening at school etc etc. and the stakes don’t feel anywhere near as high as they are when they start to spread their wings and become independent.

Oldest child is 36. I still worry, although very differently.

@Muchtoomuchtodo yep. Both of mine are at college and I'm worried about this meningitis scare. Sending hugs and gin 🤗

I didn’t vote because while it’s true that you’ll always worry about them, it sounds like you’re finding it overwhelming and I don’t think you should just accept that as normal. Mine are a lot older now and although I’m always concerned for their well-being, and I definitely agree that you are only as happy as your least happy child, I don’t think I’ve ever felt the way you describe.

I have older teens and adult children. You never stop worrying. A sickness bug as a baby is only the tip of the iceberg