Does being a mum mean worrying forever?

[mcrlover]

DD (baby) is at the end of recovering from a sick bug, and it has been such a stressful few days. Finally she's asleep and I have so much residual stess. She started nursery a few months ago so is still catching everything. I am finding it so stressful and anxiety-inducing. Feels like I'm in a constant stress loop that she's healthy and safe.

Is being a mum this stressful all the time (YANBU) or does the stress and worry get better (YABU)?

In 38 and my mum still worries about me. The worries just change over time I guess. In some ways I think this young kids phase is easiest because at least they’re home and safe under your roof and you know where they are at all times.

Of course some of the time there are things that are worrying. But I haven't found that it's constant worry. I don't think that's inevitable at all and is a pretty unhealthy expectation.

My dad would only go to sleep when he knew we were in after a night out when we were in college! Last year I brought ds to his first disco and I paced and considered driving down early to wait nearby😅

I have adult sons. I worry at times about their major decisions and make sure I check in to give them chance to talk but I don’t worry everyday or worry about their daily lives. That check in is sometimes on a 1-1 basis, a safe space without partners.

I have worked hard to make them independent, to give them thinking skills and ways of problem solving. I trust them and our relationships are strong. We have worked through times where issues affect that. Certainly no ‘go non contact’!

Much more difficult to manage in our family are relationships where adult children have mental health needs or addictions. With two of my step children, the support doesn’t always land in the same way, the stress and worry very different. Their responses unpredictable.

My DD is 17 years old. I worry about her all the time. Different worries than a baby. I will worry about her till my last breath.

I asked my mother something like this when she was in her 80s. She said she didn’t know-she’d only been a mother for 50 years. Sorry!

My son is late twenties and will be returning tomorrow from two months travelling round Asia mostly on his own and going to areas outside the main tourist areas in China with a mate from university. The talk of white river rafting terrified me. I am just so thankful he is in Australia now and about to come home. I don't think the worry ever really stops.

My children are 13 and 9 and I worry about them all the time. Any time they’re sick or unhappy I feel it. As someone else said, it’s good to check in with yourself regularly to make sure it’s not becoming anxiety. I have all the usual worries of any parent, but I do suffer from anxiety and intrusive thoughts as well and when I’m tired that gets worse. So it’s important to make sure you worry about yourself too.

You never stop worrying although it's mot always high stress. Eventually you get grandchildren and worry about them too. It's sounds bad but it's not really. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My dd is 18 and I can't go to sleep if she isn't home. There are times when its ok and other times where you have gone through every scenario.
There will be a time where I just have to sleep and it hard but you learn and adapt.

Mine are both in twenties and I worry a lot about them. Sickness and sadness of either of them weighs very heavy on me.

'you're only as happy as your least happy child'

Yes, the worries might change but the fact you worry does not.

Primary age, in retrospect, was for me the window of less worry.

Haha yes sorry but you kind of get used to it? 🫠

I have an 18 year old and can confirm At no point has there been nothing to worry about

Yes, it does. My children are independent adults and I still internalise all their issues and worries. Relationships, housing, jobs, travel - I am afraid as they get older there are just more things to worry about.

I'm pretty sure my parents didn't worry about me in the same way - very hands off 1970s/80s 'parenting' so this may just be a 'me' issue. But I can't say a day had gone by when I haven't thought about and worried about one of them. I am also insanely proud of them and love spending time with them, so there is that.

It has t stopped for me yet and DS is nearly 20. It’s different of course but no I don’t think you ever stop worrying about them.

Yes, it’s one of the things my Gran warned me about when I was pregnant with DC1. She said the worry never ends and then when you have grandchildren, you worry constantly about them too. She had two sons then three granddaughters and said the worry is slightly different for boys and girls. She’s still constantly worried about me now tbh and I’m 33!

Yes. For me being a mum has meant a lot of worrying - with the occasional nice moment thrown in here and there, which makes it bearable.

My DC are 21 and 23 - bigger kids, bigger problems.

You also get to share in their joys and achievements though.

Yes, you never stop worrying. My kids are in their 40’s and I still worry at times. 🙄. All that changes are the causes of the worries.

Part of being a parent I suppose. 🙄

Yes just different worries.
Ds 20 is now driving, so im worrying did he get there, will he get home.
Once you have children you can never truly be care free and do exactly what you want without worries creeping in, well I can't anyway!

Another vote for yes ! I have adult children and grandchildren and worry about them all the time, Amos the worst thing is it’s now out of my hands. I can advice and I’ll always be there to pick the pieces up, but you can’t stop things hurting them.

my eldest is in hospital at the moment, he’s had major surgery and is in a stable but critical condition I want to be there 24/7 I want to hound the doctors and nurses for updates on him and the general nurse him myself like i did when he was a child (we’ve been here before with him on to many occasions). But he has a wife now, and I adore her, but struggle that she comes first now in this occasion. Instead of chasing pain killers and drinks for him, I’m fetching food and drinks for the love of his life. Don’t get me wrong I love her and I love watching her care for my son, in away she’s another person for me to worry about (that’s only really just dawned on me !)

The worries just change. In a blink of an eye they go from "Is she breathing in her cot? " to "Why hasn't she messaged me to say she's home after a long drive on a dark and rainy motorway?"