Would you book a holiday two weeks before DD due date?

[Sleepingallday]

Feeling a bit gutted about this but wondering if I am BU.

I am due my third baby soon, my parents are around half an hour drive from us and are who we are counting on to take care of DC when labour starts.

my parents have booked to go away 2 weeks before the due date. The occasion is the anniversary of their meeting, which I haven’t known them to celebrate much before. They will be in the country but about 5 hours away.

bit more context, my firstborn was a week overdue, second was one day overdue and was a quick birth followed by complications and hospital stay.

We have a couple of other family members who would be around an hour away and less able to drop everything if need be to help with DC.

am I BU to feel hurt that they have booked this? I understand life for them shouldnt revolve around their grandchildren but just thought that I probably wouldn’t do it if my own daughter was due, unless it was a once in a lifetime trip or something . My mum also didn’t tell me, I found out as she told another family member in group chat.

YANBU: I wouldn’t book a trip two weeks from DD due date
YABU: I would book this

Have you read the OPs later posts? They're going away for a long weekend just before she reaches 38 weeks

As they had already agreed to the arrangement, surely there should’ve been a discussion? Otherwise yes it’s on the OP to assume. Something like we’ll only be away for a few days and can come back if anything happens/ do you have anyone you can rely on if things do happen sooner than expected?

I imagine the parents didn’t want to mention it due to the OP’s reaction. Of course there is a grown up discussion to be had but it’s on the OP to do that

Have they agreed to be on call indefinitely though? Where do.you draw the line... 37weeks is perfectly reasonable for them to go away for a weekend. They aren't in a different country.

Plenty of fathers miss the birth of their subsequent children because of childcare. It's obviously unfortunate but sometimes it has to happen.

If you’re talking about being a ‘grown up’ then you have the conversation, even if you might not get the reaction you want. And why is it on the OP?

The same way if my parent has treatment coming up and I’m likely to be the one helping out, I say ‘I might be doing such and such that week, will that be ok with dads appointments, will you need me or do you think that will fit in ok?’ I don’t go ahead and book things and then wait for them to come to me to talk about it. But OP is a woman and she’s being dramatic so the same logic doesn’t apply hey

An appointment is very different to spontaneous labour though. How long should the parents be on the hook? I would have thought pre 38 weeks was fine to.go away (and I say that as a 28w pregnant woman who knows I will have difficulty juggling childcare arrangements).

My mum did this when I was expecting my second child and I was a single parent. Luckily he arrived 5 days after she came back but I was shocked as she was my birthing partner and my aunt who she went away with was going to look after my older son while I was giving birth.

Both other babies were late so they prob thought it would be ok

anD if they planned to go away after baby was born that would be wrong as well

hopefully all will be fine. If baby comes early then as long as you have someone on standby

I’m not even saying they shouldn’t go but I think the decent thing to do would’ve been to have a conversation or even just mention it in passing. Hopefully everything should work out fine but I think saying the OP is dramatic and well the husband will just have to miss it just seems a bit shitty.

And no, the appointments aren’t set in stone so if I’m potentially not going to be around, we come up with a back up.

my mum retired a month or two before my due date. Way before i even told anyone i was pregnant, my parents booked a celebratory trip to Africa for Christmas (partly because they were sick and tired of being default hosts for family members near them every year for christmas, a lot of work and expense and nobody else lifted a finger)

I had my baby while they were away, and when they got back she came over to visit. No problem. Same with the 2nd baby.

YABVU OP. Anxious or not. It is your 3rd baby.

Because the OP is the one expecting her parents to do her a favour.

Not sure where you extrapolated that she was being dramatic ‘because she’s a woman’. The only relevance of her sex is that she is the one having the baby.

Whatever the arrangement, they are prepared to do her a favour - even in the event she does go into labour on that actual weekend, they should still be able to get back. And if not, then there needs to be a plan B.

I went on a hen weekend in the UK 2 weeks before my due daye with my second so it wouldn't bother me if my parents did too.

Yes, of course there should be a conversation and possibly a backup plan. But I don’t see how this falls on the OP. If they’re the ones going away, you’d expect them to give a proper heads up and just have a conversation about it- not just mention it in a group WhatsApp.

Also, I think there’s too much emphasis on this being a “favour.” If it was already agreed, then they’re just sticking to an arrangement, not going above and beyond. To me, looking after your grandchild while your daughter is in labour isn’t a favour anyway, its just basic family support and the norm, but obviously not on MN.

YABU to be cross about this.

YABVVVU to try to mislead everybody in the title / OP by suggesting they were going on a holiday, two weeks before your due date, when it turns out they have booked a weekend away (in the same country, so they can get back in a few hours if need be), and will be home 2 weeks before your due date.

It sounds as if they have specifically made sure they will be home both by the time you give birth and then around in the following few weeks to offer support to you.

My parents went away for two weeks to another country 1.5 weeks before my due date, even though my mom has agreed to look after my oldest when I went into labour. I kept telling her for months, that I had a feeling my second born will be a bit early, but she just told me to “keep him in”. I went into labour 3 days after they left, and again, she just told me to stop the labour and wait for them to come back at the end of their holiday. They could have came back anytime as they were staying in their own house, so didn’t have to lose money on their accommodation, but decided to stay.
She knew, that I had no one else to rely on, other than my husband. My husband and my oldest had to come with me to the hospital, so I didn’t give birth alone.
My youngest is turning 4 this year and so far they missed his birth, and every single birthday as they spend his birthday abroad every year. My mom was expecting me to celebrate my son’s first birthday a few days late, and she wasn’t happy, that I didn’t!

I actually think that it would ne down to the OP to say "OK so from week 38, I'll need you to stick closeby and have the phones always charged in case I need you"

Unless prone to premature labour or any indication of early labour, I wouldn't expect anyone to be at my beck and call before 38 weeks.

I'd be interested to know what gestation the OP is now actually. Like if she was 36 or 38 weeks and they were planning on going away next weekend maybe if have more sympathy if they needed a quick backup plan but any earlier I'd think that maybe its not as big a deal and they can sort something.

She knew, that I had no one else to rely on, other than my husband.

Not wanting to particularly reference any particular poster, as this is said on every thread about 'who is going to look after my older child when I give birth'.

I think this is an issue that is for the parents-to-be to solve. How do all these couples get to such an isolated place in their lives that no-one would help them out in such a specific situation ? I am many years out of baby groups or toddler groups or school gate parenting, but I would still help even a neighbour in that position. As I would have done before I had dc and as I would have done when I had my own small dc.

Birth has no time scale. I wouldn't do this personally. I'd want to be near the place the birth is happening during that time. Not worth the risk of going into labour two weeks early and the panic that will ensue. You need to be relaxed and in control of the things you can control.

A weekend is a bit different from a holiday but definitely find someone else who can take dc.

I think you’re being unreasonable. It’s two weeks before, not two days. I would try to frame it as grateful they are getting the trip out of the way before the baby comes, so that they are refreshed and present to be on call to help after the baby arrives

They shouldn't have booked the holiday. Five hours away means about six or seven in reality because they can't just hop into their car and leave their belongings behind in the hotel or wherever they're staying. Then there's the risk of heavy traffic on the way too.

So the reality is an entire day when you could be in the hospital, and the older children would be ... where? And with whom?

I don't think your parents have thought this through at all.

Do you know anyone in your local area who could drop everything and look after the older two when you go into labour? A neighbour? A nursery worker? A school parent?

I had children aged 5 and 2 when I went into labour with DC3. I had arranged with a doula service to send someone within two hours of a call, but in the end labour went extremely fast and we had to leave for the hospital. ExH went and asked a 14 year old neighbour if she and her friend would be willing to watch children's TV for an unknown number of hours that day with the DCs, feed them a sandwich at lunch, and basically keep them alive until exH could get back. We were just very lucky it was a Saturday morning, and exH was back home in under two hours as DC3 was born half an hour after we got to the hospital.

The issue really is that the OP and her H are not isolated - they have been relying on her parents so they haven't had to develop a network.

I lived on another continent from my parents and siblings and we were nine hours by car from the ILs, so we were forced to develop a network.

Me, I wouldn’t be bothered it’s two weeks before and for a weekend. It would be different if they booked it the weekend or the day you were actually due. How long were you wanting them to not do things for before you were due? I would let this one go.

Personally if it was my DD, I wouldn't want to be away so close to the due date as babies have a tendency to arrive early in our family. However, I don't suppose you can expect other people to put plans on hold. It is odd though.