Would you book a holiday two weeks before DD due date?

[Sleepingallday]

Feeling a bit gutted about this but wondering if I am BU.

I am due my third baby soon, my parents are around half an hour drive from us and are who we are counting on to take care of DC when labour starts.

my parents have booked to go away 2 weeks before the due date. The occasion is the anniversary of their meeting, which I haven’t known them to celebrate much before. They will be in the country but about 5 hours away.

bit more context, my firstborn was a week overdue, second was one day overdue and was a quick birth followed by complications and hospital stay.

We have a couple of other family members who would be around an hour away and less able to drop everything if need be to help with DC.

am I BU to feel hurt that they have booked this? I understand life for them shouldnt revolve around their grandchildren but just thought that I probably wouldn’t do it if my own daughter was due, unless it was a once in a lifetime trip or something . My mum also didn’t tell me, I found out as she told another family member in group chat.

YANBU: I wouldn’t book a trip two weeks from DD due date
YABU: I would book this

Oh OK... I was just curious how you'd see private message and not just immediately ask your Mother 😂 But that makes more sense

It probably also answers why your Mother didn't feel the need to tell you personally... she'd assume you've read the message.

I totally understand why you might feel a but panicked, but if she's back by the 38w mark I just can't see how you'd really justify being too miffed. It's a weekend so people (even an hour away) will be more accommodating to help than if it were midweek. You can't really expect your parents to not go more than a few mins away until you give birth.

My own parents are my go-to when I give birth in the summer. They live a 4hr drive away. My previous labour was just over 4hrs start to finish. My hospital is 1.5hrs away 😂 Our plan is to have a friend on standby to take my son when I need to go to hospital, get parents to get on their way so they can collect from said friend. But my friend obviously has her own responsibilities too in the meantime and is frequently 2-3hrs away at medical appointments and if thats the case, no matter what gestation, my DH will need to stay home until someone can take over from him. 100% not ideal but we need to be practical.

Also, pregnancy hormones can make us all a lil more irrational / emotional so perhaps that's a big part of it for you.

Personally - no I wouldnt. However - they are planning on being back before your baby is born (although we all know they rarely come when expected). They may even be prepared to drop everything and come to you if your baby arrived early.

Mumsnet really has some very differing opinions, doesn't it! From new mums who won't let anyone near them for months, to others who are expecting help from their parents.

I had my eldest grandchild (3 at the time) to stay with me for a week when second grandchild was born, and we didn't see the new baby until then, so it was a mixture of both I suppose.

Seems fine

No

Because I am not an absolute tw#t

I think that is ok, they could be with you in time unless labour is very fast. If you go into labour earlier than expected, you will probably have other signs in the run up and can let them know that might mean they can’t go.
I understand why you might feel stressed about it, having childcare for older ones is a big worry when having a baby, but chances are that this will be fine, they aren’t away for long, and it’s a fortnight before your due date.

I think your update changes things a bit so a weekend away in the UK when you are 37 weeks - I don’t think they are unreasonable.

No, I wouldn't. However it was very clear before DD was even pregnant that I'd be very involved. She said from the get go she'd want me in the delivery room and to be around a lot. Which I was happy to agree to. I think it there isn't a stated shared understanding of what role GP will play then I don't think assumptions should be made by either side really.

As it's only a couple of days away try not to stress too much. Considering you've gone overdue with your first two maybe your parents thought it would be nice to get a weekend break in before your baby comes. If you do end up going into labour during your parents weekend away then could your other half have the kids at home until another family member could get to you at the hospital?

It’s only a weekend so yes, YABU.

If its just a weekend I wouldn't be too worried. Initially I thought you meant they'd booked a whole 2 week holiday, starting 2 weeks before the due date. I think the likelihood you'll be in labour those two days is slim. I can see why you're annoyed/stressed. I suspect they're just a bit more detached and are thinking they're available a week before and after due date because you're normally on or after the date.
I'd suggest maybe re-agreeing your needs (e.g. you're expecting birth to be earlier and quicker, are they definitely home and around for when you need them - tell them dates you think you need them from and till etc). I suspect they just thought 1 weekend, over 2 weeks before due date would probably be OK. Can a friend, sibling or someone visit you the weekend they're away so there's someone in the house just in case.

They are going for a weekend? So not weeks and they will be in the same country, just 5 hours away? And they will be back two weeks before your due date?

I think you are being a bit hormonal tbh (which is understandable) - if you did go into labour while they were away, would you expect them to rush back?

Perhaps they didn’t tell you as they knew you would be angry/hurt.

Didn't talk to them about being 'cover' when you found out you were pregnant? Its first thing I check with parents and they blocked out two weeks before and two weeks after.

I would feel sad about this and did. One parent was away when I had my first and MIL was away when I had my second. Both booked knowing my due date but being fair it was when they usually went away.

Had they agreed to the childcare?

Will they be in the same country?

If do you’re being a bit U.

Its no different if they went for a day trip somewhere.

Even if they didn’t go away they may be in Tesco with no signal or busy at work and may not be able to get to you for a couple of hours at least anyway.

I wouldn’t, no.

Having said that, my mother booked a holiday over my 2nd DC due date, after agreeing to look after DC1. She is a total cunt though.

Gosh I wouldn’t go on holiday so close, and neither would my parents! My PIL wouldn’t think twice about it though 😁. I like them, they are just not the helpful type. My mum didn’t even have a glass of wine at night for the fortnight before my due date, in case she got an unexpected phone call! Even though I told her there was no need. I’m surprised at the votes so far, seems to be split almost down the middle 🤷🏼‍♀️

I wouldn’t, no, I would not want to be there for her. But no judgement to your parents for doing this unless there was a previous agreement they would be around.

The parents have agreed to be on call but it’s ok for the father to miss the birth and OP is being dramatic.. nothing like women being supportive to other women is there

I dont think you’re being unreasonable at all. Knowing your little ones are looked after so you can labour is so important! I’d be freaking out too!

But I guess from their perspective they don’t expect you deliver before 38 weeks (no one does expect to), it’s a weekend and they’ll be back two weeks before you’re due and you went over twice before. I can see why they didn’t think it was a clash/biggie.

I think if it were me, I’d be nailing down a contingency for that weekend so you have some comfort/reassurance just in case. It’s sensible anyway

Hope all goes well when the time comes x

ps: my waters went at 35 weeks with baby two, MIL was at work so we arranged for nursery to have DD her for an extra day, then my friend collected and MIL then took her back to hers. Bit of patch work, but she had a blast! Important thing when in labour is that my husband sorted the logistics based on conversations we’d had in advance. These things work themselves out x

I read the title of your post OP and came on to say that I thought YANBU. I recently bowed out of an amazing girls trip to Thailand because it was two months before my DDs first baby was due.

However, having read the post I think YABU. It's a mini break in this country. That seems reasonable.

I am absolutely besotted with my new GC and looking forward to helping out with regular childcare but I would be very pissed off if I thought my DD was taking my support for granted and expecting me to put my life on hold.

Edited to add - I hope your worries are unrealised and you have a healthy happy birth with your parents around to do what is needed.

I think if you had already spoken to them about being on call then they are being unreasonable. I’m close with my mum - she looks after my little boy once a week and has a good bond with him. Due my second in the summer and we have discussed her helping out with childcare while I’m in hospital - if she was to suddenly book a holiday for this time now I would be upset and feel let down.

I do think that’s a bit silly and thoughtless of them to book so close when presumably they could choose any other weekend in the year when they’ve offered!

hopefully as it’s two weeks before you’ll be ok. Will they still be OK if you called?? They may not make it so maybe get a back up. Worse case is that your partner stays with dc until someone can take over.

No they shouldn’t have booked it knowing they were going to be doing the childcare did they offer? Do you think they booked it to get out of doing childcare? Clearly you need a back up arrangement.

Gosh I thought you meant gone away for a few weeks! I think this is fine tbh

It is 2 days and they are 5 hours away - assuming they are expected to come back if labour starts, then it should be fine.

Otherwise find a backup plan, or your husband will have to stay with the children until/unless something can be sorted.