Overreacting or not? 🤔

[silverstorm101]

Okay so I'm not sure if I'm just being silly or my feelings are justified so I'm sure you will all tell me!

For mother's day this year, I asked my hubby for a bunch of daffodils and any drawings or cards the kids wanted to do or make. We are saving up for a big family holiday so didn't want money spent on needless things and I love daffodils as they brighten up any room and can be found in Lidl for like £1.

Mothers day comes round and the kids come over with wrapped gifts, okay, maybe they wanted to get me a little something, sweet of them.

I got the usual pictures and hand made cards which I love. Then hubby walks in with a massive bunch of lily's, the price tag of £25 still on them. Don't get me wrong they are pretty but I dislike the smell but I get the gesture was nice.

I open the gifts that have been presented to me, first one is a bath set. I love a bath bomb which is well known but this was a 'Christmas Cinnamon' set. I hate the smell of cinnamon and it was obviously marked down with it being March. I'm not upset about it being a bargain but it's a smelly I've always hated. Anyway I smile and move on. The last gift hubby is really smug about, he says "do you remember when we went for that afternoon tea a while ago and you loved those strawberry macarons?"

Which I do of course remember, they were lovely but also very expensive. So I open the gifts to find a large box of macarons, bright yellow ones, I open the box and the smell of lemon instantly hits me. I do not like lemon flavour.

I say "Oh are these lemon!" To which he replies "I dunno I just asked for a box"

So I asked for a £1 bunch of flowers and instead he spent a lot of money we didn't have on things he should know I don't like?

I was a bit miffed and he obviously noticed and said he tried. We have been married 20 years.

So am I justified in being a bit upset?

Or do I need to grow up?

Low bar you have there.

she hates lemon, after 20 years I'd expect him to know that!!!

bug fucking deal he remembered she loved. the macarons.

@silverstorm101

YANBU. He didn't ask for the ones you loved. He just got 'a box'. He got flowers he must know you don't like, when you'd be happy with a bunch of daffs. Bath stuff in a scent he should also know, after 29 years, you don't like!

I see it's all sorted now, but you do need to talk to him because it really is not good enough. You've agreed not to buy pointless presents while saving & not only did he go against that, he bought things he should know you wouldn't enjoy. It just appeased his guilt & made him think he looked generous, when actually it's thoughtless.

'but about the spending, you need to have a proper talk about spending while you're saving for your holiday & get on the same page!'

I see you had already had that conversation, so what did he say when you reminded him of that chat? £25 for a bunch of Lillies & whatever was spent on bath stuff in a fragrance you don't like would have been a good chunk of cash towards a round of snacks st Disneyland.

If you need to wait until payday to buy a £1 bunch of daffs, don't go to Disney. It's fun but ££££££££

But after 20 years he should know what she likes. And she gave a very simple request. He has a brain: he should be able to remember that they are saving for Disney. Why should she have to do all that?

That’s what I mean about the bar for men being so low.

God forbid that a woman has likes and dislikes, and that her husband should know this after 20 years.

Come on!! Raise your bar.

"I got a dog shit in a box for Mother's Day, I hate it"

"God hun, least you got a present"

What a load of shite. Would rather have no gift than a crap one!!

You have evidence she dislikes 1 smell and 1 flavour but apparently she is "hard to please"?!

Yes OP, get back in your lane little woman and just smile and make your DH feel better!

Fucks sake.

2 smells. Didn't like the smell of the flowers, the smell of the cinnamon, or the flavor of lemon. He bought 3 gifts and they were somehow all wrong, that sounds like hard to please to me. Nothing wrong with my bar, I'd still appreciate the effort.

Sorry - I was replying to the poster you had quoted @thetinsoldier !

It was zero effort on his part

I know! Don’t worry about it.

YANBU, he ignored that you wanted a simple treat of something you like. And he should know what smells and flavours you like and dislike

I think you are completely justified in being disappointed that after 20 years together your DH hasn't paid enough attention to you to know that you don't like lilies, cinnamon or the taste of lemon.

It sounds like you dealt with it well on the day, but you aren't wrong to be sad about it.

It is annoying that he ignored what you did want and after 20 years doesn’t know what smells/ flavours you like/ don’t like. But for me it would depend on what the rest of the relationship was like in terms of how much it mattered in the grand scheme of things.

If you hadn’t had a conversation about it you’d be unreasonable to moan. But you did, so yanbu. I hate wasting money.

But glad you’ve moved on.

This. He got you what he wanted to give you which was nothing like what you wanted.

It's the thought that counts - his thoughts trumped yours.

Superficially you could be seen as ungrateful but it was your joint money paying for it.

I hate the smell of lilies and cinnamon.

YANBU - as you are trying to be cautious with money I think it's understandable you are miffed that he has wasted money of stuff you can't even use - I too hate lemon so I get where you are coming from, don't like lilies in the house as they drop pollen and stain the carpet, and I wouldn't use a bath bomb, especially a cinnamon one. I think however as it came from a good place, the only thing to do really is be gracious and pretend you like it, to avoid hurt feelings - he meant well, which I guess is the main thing. Next year be really firm about him sticking to the list - in the words of Ross Gellar 'Always stick to the list'.

Men aren’t great listeners but try not to let it upset you

I hate lilies too

I wish men would learn that lillies smell awful and the pollen stains

i told my OH to buy any chocolates except for truffles

guess what i got!

OP sounds like a brat? What for being bought tow gifts she didn't ask for nor likes, with money they can't afford......yeah sounds well brattish.

He made an effort - yes the presents weren't your thing but the thought was there. I'd regift the bath bomb next Christmas and share the macaroons with someone who likes lemon stuff. No point in stressing. Imagine if he and the children hadn't got you anything.

Married for 20 years though. You would expect him to know she dislikes both those flavours. So yes I think she does have the right to ask wtf was he thinking?

YABVVU. I would probably cry if my DH made this much effort even if he didn't get it completely right.

YANBU - I say things like this to my husband but he’s a quantity kinda guy and I always end with loads of tat that I have to pretend to be grateful for! I love him to bits but wish he’d listen x

I agree with this - to be with someone for so long and not know they dont like lemon, or lilies is just lazy. I know more about friends preferences I have known for less time. I hate this "I tried" shit - he needs to do better.

After 20 years of being together? Your bar is set way too low.