Overreacting or not? 🤔

[silverstorm101]

Okay so I'm not sure if I'm just being silly or my feelings are justified so I'm sure you will all tell me!

For mother's day this year, I asked my hubby for a bunch of daffodils and any drawings or cards the kids wanted to do or make. We are saving up for a big family holiday so didn't want money spent on needless things and I love daffodils as they brighten up any room and can be found in Lidl for like £1.

Mothers day comes round and the kids come over with wrapped gifts, okay, maybe they wanted to get me a little something, sweet of them.

I got the usual pictures and hand made cards which I love. Then hubby walks in with a massive bunch of lily's, the price tag of £25 still on them. Don't get me wrong they are pretty but I dislike the smell but I get the gesture was nice.

I open the gifts that have been presented to me, first one is a bath set. I love a bath bomb which is well known but this was a 'Christmas Cinnamon' set. I hate the smell of cinnamon and it was obviously marked down with it being March. I'm not upset about it being a bargain but it's a smelly I've always hated. Anyway I smile and move on. The last gift hubby is really smug about, he says "do you remember when we went for that afternoon tea a while ago and you loved those strawberry macarons?"

Which I do of course remember, they were lovely but also very expensive. So I open the gifts to find a large box of macarons, bright yellow ones, I open the box and the smell of lemon instantly hits me. I do not like lemon flavour.

I say "Oh are these lemon!" To which he replies "I dunno I just asked for a box"

So I asked for a £1 bunch of flowers and instead he spent a lot of money we didn't have on things he should know I don't like?

I was a bit miffed and he obviously noticed and said he tried. We have been married 20 years.

So am I justified in being a bit upset?

Or do I need to grow up?

You asked for cheap flowers, he got you expensive ones. You liked macarons once so he got you some, but the wrong flavour. At least he tried! I got 2 cards my DC made at school.

YANBU

All he needed to do was listen to what you asked for after all!

Theres no point going off on a frolic and spending more when you’ve asked him not to for a good reason, and when he should know your likes and dislikes by now. Sounds like he’s hit all your dislikes.

Stuff like this really upsets me when my Mum does it tbh - it’s like they’re not listening to you at all/ don’t know you at all!

Yanbu but you don't need to share every emotion you feel. Pretend to be happy and grateful and move on with your life its not that deep

He got everything wrong. Does he always get it wrong?

I wouldn't call this trying. He's ignored what the OP asked for and got her things he should know she dislikes. He has clearly put very little thought into it.

I think you have (probably unintentionally) been pretty martyrish OP. Asking for a bunch of £1 daffs is pretty Martaryish-an extra £24 isn’t going to dent your holiday savings.

that said, it’s annoying when you get bad gifts as it makes you feel like no one really knows you

I got a £1.50 Easter egg which was a last minute purchase whilst I was at work so you were pampered in comparison

I am definitely not a brat 🤣

Of course I didn't make my feelings know in front of the children for goodness sake! I appeared very grateful in front of them.

So you have been mulling this since Mother’s Day.
Do you think he spent all that money just to annoy you? Genuine question. I know it was the wrong stuff and that’s one issue but we know from here that those who say they just want a card and a bunch of daffodils then complain that they didn’t get much

You aren’t a brat but the behaviour was petulant.

I grew up with a parent that didn’t like most gifts so, even though you said you went through the motions in front of the kids, they will pick up on it and start to dread these occasions.

if you are still angry after this long then perhaps you need to look at whether staying married is something you want.

Although I have realised that apparently nobody is satisfied with any Mother’s Day offering

Thank you for everyone's points of view.

Firstly I obviously was very thankful and appreciative in front of the children, and would never be anything else.

People saying I should be grateful I got anything at all, we are saving to take the kids to Disney. We had agreed as soon as we booked it that we wouldn't spend money on needless gifts we didn't need as we both agreed that saving money for the kids to have a dream holiday was much more important.

To the person who said my marriage is in trouble 🤣 We've been through a lot worse than the wrong flavoured gifts, so I'm sure we will be fine.

And I'm very sorry to the people I seem to have offended by having likes and dislikes 🤣 I promise I'm not a hard to please person, it just so happens he managed to get all my dislikes in one 🤦🏻‍♀️

I know in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world, but I am allowed to have feelings.

Anyway as an update: My son has had a bath using the bath stuff and he loves the smell, the flowers look nice in the window and hubby is enjoying the cakes so all is well with the world again.

Hubby has also apologised and said he didn't think the daffodils were enough and he didn't think about the flavours and had presumed they would be mixed.

All in all life goes on and I have my beautiful pictures to look at, I might even treat myself to a bunch of daffodils on payday.

People are only saying your marriage may be in trouble because of how you describe it and you have clearly been angry about this for quite a while!

He thought it wouldn’t be enough so he tried to do a nice thing? Bastard.

Seems to be a lot of things you don't like the smell of,lillies,lemon and cinamon!
He struck lucky picking so many smells you hate.
Seriously ,i understand when you'd asked for a frugal bunch of daffodils and got some pricier things you didnt really like you feel annoyed but in the grand scheme of things let it go....
Sounds like your DH needs really specific and firm instruction with gifting!

I agree.

Why is the bar so low for men???

That’s what she gave him…

i dont think the simple asking for daffodils was enough for him. I think he just heard i want a bunch of flowers. Perhaps saying i really only like daffs so don't get any other flowers,Im sensitive to many smells so could you just stick to what i've asked for and reind him youve agreed to conserve money for a trip ?

With all due respect, mother's day was almost ten days ago so it very much seems that life hasn't moved on for you. Have you actually spoken directly to your husband about your feelings?

Yeah this is the thing. I get that some mums get nothing and the sadness that has caused. But for this one she’s asked for simple things due to saving money and what he’s done is by loading expensive things she doesn’t like.

He should have listened tbh. But maybe not his fault on the flavour of macaroons? He he could have been more careful and checked the flavour!

Yeah I think you're unreasonable. He remembered you liked the macarons, he thought he was being nice and thought you deserved more than a small £1 gift. I don't think he's at fault if you dislike so many smells, it sounds like you are hard to please.

You are not being unreasonable! He wasted money on things you don't like, he didn't need to chuck money at it, just get you the bunch of lovely £1 daffodils like you asked! It would have been so much more thoughtful. Unless he genuinely didn't know that you don't like lemon and cinnamon that is.

YANBU at all. He ignored your (very simple) request, spent way more family money than agreed or necessary AND bought things he either should or does know you don't like!
Very low score for this attempt.

It’s not a race to the bottom. You have every right to be upset @silverstorm101- your husband should know what you like and don’t like by now.

I really wish more women would raise their bar and not settle for so little.

So everyone else is enjoying your presents? And I might be the only one here but I think it’s important to not hide feelings like sadness and disappointment from children. It’s important for them to know that mum has wants and feelings too, and you can say that in an age-appropriate way.