Mumsnet race to the bottom

[limeandwater]

I have noticed on MN there has been a real race to the bottom mentality. To be clear I am not talking about budget advice threads that can be incredibly helpful.

I am talking about the posters that think working people should be so accepting of a miserable life.

Again I am not talking about 5 star holidays in The Maldives, 26 plate Range Rovers, or shopping at Harrods Food Hall.

Somebody posts about the price of coffee then the response is to make your own and bring it with you. Somebody posts about the price of a cafe lunch on a family day out and the response is bring your own sandwiches. Somebody posted about the cost of running a car and the answer is cycle. Like that's realistic in a rainy December.

When did people get so accepting that life had to be miserable?

I'm not sure it's about a miserable life but more about a) the small sub section of Mumsnet posters who seemingly post only to put the OP down and b) the desire to find solutions, however obvious, even when all that is wanted is a whinge.

My mum is the Queen of this. I'll be talking about a complex problem, like my neurodivergent child's restricted eating for which I have a detailed nutritional plan from the NHS. I'll explain the 4 foods he'll eat and how we are building it up slowly. Then I might complain about how difficult this makes travelling and she'll tell me that some supermarkets sell pre prepared sandwiches and I should look into that. Or I'll be frustrated because my husband and I would love a weekend away (absolutely no suggestion she should do it, she's not remotely fit) and she'll say "had you considered hiring a babysitter, that could be a good solution... where do you fancy going?" Thanks mum, I have indeed heard or babysitters.

Sandwiches, home made coffee and bicycles are all things anyone with the ability to switch on a computer and find Mumsnet will have heard of. I think it's safe to assume they are not the solution.

I HATE the tone deaf accusations.

I’m posting on an online forum, I’ve not walked into a homeless shelter to ask them for views of whether I should go the Maldives or Seychelles or whether I should buy a Range Rover or a Porsche.

There are people on MN who can help with those choices, if it’s not you then see yourself out. If you’re deluding yourself that no one in the world can afford things that you can’t afford, you can’t force anyone else to be part of that delusion too!

Sometimes it's also a lack of understanding that their world isn't yours. Often if a solution would work for them then surely it must work for you?

Similar to the bike advice and forgetting that people might live in different areas with different services

There was a recent one where people were talking about eating out which got derailed into people should split a fish and chips because this is the portion size and cost as if that's universal across the UK. Absolutely when I lived in Wales it was do able but now I live on the pricey south coast the portions are far smaller and cost far more. But there was a reoccurring theme that because where they live the portion sizes are huge and cheap that must be possible everywhere

Driving multiple towns away would probably not be efficient to save on a portion of chips

@Eskarina1
My mother just interrupts with ''never mind!'' if i ever try and have a moan.
And then goes on to moan like fuck about her own things as usual 🤣

Obviously some savings to be made if in difficulty .However apart from here where Beans on toast appears to be an evening meal! ,we should all give up our cars and bypass cafes .Various govts (all shades), seem intent on us "pulling our belts in"when they never have to .I think yes try to economise ,but too far down and it starts to affect our mental health

It's the Let Them Eat Cake group

Season bus ticket in my local area costs just £400 less per year than running my car and since I also use my car to travel out of area, any train tickets on top of that would easily double the cost of public transport vs car journeys.

Something has truly gone wrong with our sense of entitlement when resisting the urge to buy a four quid coffee every morning and putting your homemade coffee in a travel cup instead, or making your own packed lunch instead of spending a eight quid on Pret everyday is seen as a 'race to the bottom.'

Look, basically, most people these days suffer from champagne tastes and beer pockets. We've become soft and spoilt and addicted to 'treating ourselves.' So many young people don't want second hand anything in their homes or on their children's backs, when their parents and grandparents would have accepted it was a financial necessity for the first few years of establishing themselves in a home and a family. These days people would rather go and run up several thousand on Buy Now Pay Later than buy a second hand sofa or baby buggy.

Buying takeaways weekly and coffees daily is starting to be seen as some sort of basic human right that you can't possibly manage without, along with spending 50 quid every month on your nails and getting regular botox and spray tans and £500 tattoos and hen dos that last four days in Spain and what have you.

Something has to give, because all these same people seem to be the same ones constantly complaining that they can't manage their gas bill and are constantly crying into their Nandos about the COL crisis.

I can't - or it would actually be a treat (the coffee, the lunch out), and not a daily or weekly thing.

I think a lot of the problem is perceived tone. Someone comes on for a bit of a moan about the extortionate cost of something. Some posters will just sympathise and give an example of how it’s affecting them too. Some will give a bit of advice on ways to improve the situation by cutting costs. Unfortunately some of these may come across as judgemental even though they aren’t meant in that way. Then there are the posters who are just plain rude and tell the OP they should be grateful they have a roof over their head. Often this is spurred on by either jealousy or disgust at the OP’s seemingly extravagant lifestyle. It used to be that a recommendation not to post in AIBU was enough, but now it doesn’t matter where someone posts. If it comes up in Active, sadly it’s fair game.

Agree with this, although I do think there is a lot of coming back at people for the sake of it on here.

Performative thrift! Thank you! Finally got a name for the phenomenon.

Winds me up too OP. The recent thread about the cost of lunch out was so daft.

Yes, everyone could save money and bring lunches, but you can't simultaneously have 90% of people doing that AND maintain a thriving hospitality sector. As it moves out of reach for middle earners we're going to see the knock on impact on hospitality jobs.

Someone posted on a thread about the cost of a coffee a few weeks ago “check your privilege”. I sat there and thought “oh fuck off”. If everyone went about their day “checking their privilege” over every single thing every day it would be exhausting. All the original poster had mentioned was how much a coffee had gone up by 50p since the last time they bought one months ago.

It’s like the birthday threads as already mentioned, some Christmas threads and especially the Christmas fridges one.

Anything that is a source of joy and costs money is seen as a waste of money on here.

Children’s birthday parties should only be a small handful of children in your own home, or in the local park (even if your child’s birthday is in December.)

Weddings should be at the registry office. If you want to go to a group with your toddler only church groups are acceptable. Children should not do extra curricular activities because they need time to chill and decompress and in my day we didn’t have all these activities. (We did.)

I am glad I do not live in Mntown.

If your definition of a "miserable" life is bringing your own coffee or sandwiches on a day out then I'd say you've lived a very charmed life indeed.

People moaning about drop in quality of life and what they can afford now vs 15 years ago, or even 5, is imho fully understandable. I do it! Because it's fucking ridiculous that I had more fun on NMW that time than I have now on considerably more... My now salary 15 years ago would see me living like royal and zi am not even high earner!

But there is always someone who says "welcome to the real world". Like real world is only bad? People affording fun is not real world? Fucking stupid saying.

There are a lot of fun sponges on mumsnet. People are even judgy and weird on obvious jokey threads.

I would have a whinge with them. Things are expensive.
Sometimes people are not asking for solutions. They already know bringing their own food and drinks is a cheaper option so they don’t need the super duper helpful wisdom of others. Just an “Oh god I know what you mean. I spent £15 on ice creams the other day!” Makes you feel less alone. 😄 So when a self righteous know it all comes along and tells you to you could have brought your own sandwiches it’s like piss off love.

You should buy a portable backpack freezer and carry your own ice creams. Buhumbug

Life isn’t bloody miserable if you take your own coffee

you get better and cheaper coffee so it’s less miserable all round.

it isn’t about a race to the bottom - it’s about really thinking what is a treat - ie occasional a few times a year, what is actually a waste - paying someone to make your coffee

it’s about seeing people trapped in a rat cage assuming this or that should be a basic human right for a hard working person when it clearly never makes them any happier than the person who takes their own coffee.

We are? I didn't know that one.

People are really weird on here. 'High earners' are regularly accused of lying. If you are not on MW, with a hideous DH or ex, to boot, you will be told you are 'stealth boasting.' It really is a race to the bottom.

Do many complaints about mn, why come on here then?

I remember really enjoying this thread. OP had just discovered that packed lunches save money and was very excited about it. Someone came in saying packed lunches were terrible and she would never do them, but she understood that not everyone was as wealthy as she was, and it all just got better and better. Have fun!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4731271-when-you-have-a-day-out-do-you-eat-out-or-take-a-pack-up

YANBU.

Also, people get these replies even when they haven’t actually complained about the cost of something. Someone will say something like “I really want to treat myself to a nice candle and I’m trying to decide between Diptyque or Jo Malone, which ones tend to last longer?” and someone will immediately reply “You must have more money than sense! It’s ridiculous to spend £65 on a candle. Aldi do perfectly good dupes, just get one of those”. Or “I thought there was cost of living crisis! OP, if you want your house to smell nice just open a window”.