Mumsnet race to the bottom

[limeandwater]

I have noticed on MN there has been a real race to the bottom mentality. To be clear I am not talking about budget advice threads that can be incredibly helpful.

I am talking about the posters that think working people should be so accepting of a miserable life.

Again I am not talking about 5 star holidays in The Maldives, 26 plate Range Rovers, or shopping at Harrods Food Hall.

Somebody posts about the price of coffee then the response is to make your own and bring it with you. Somebody posts about the price of a cafe lunch on a family day out and the response is bring your own sandwiches. Somebody posted about the cost of running a car and the answer is cycle. Like that's realistic in a rainy December.

When did people get so accepting that life had to be miserable?

Sometimes such advice is given by those who will NEVER have to endure it.

I see it on birthday threads. When someone is upset at the lack of care and thought from their spouse. You get, ‘be grateful he said happy birthday to you at bedtime; my husband makes us eat bread and water on my birthday and that’s enough for me’.

Raceto the bottom is more stuff like "at least we are not Afghanistan, so stop moaning".
Yeah keep lowering that standards until the bottom of the barrel is acceptable...

I fully agree that big luxuries need to be earned, but surely any working person/family should be able to afford a cafe lunch, a cheap car, or the odd Latte without feeling like it's a massive treat.

God yeah.

I posted a couple of years back about using the priority seat on the bus because I’d broken my shoulder and found it difficult and unsafe to stand. ‘I’m 94 with a broken hip and leg but I still wouldn’t use one. How can you be so selfish?’

They are all sensible solutions to the problems mentioned though.

What would yours be?

But life isn’t miserable just because you can’t buy coffee.

Are they?

I mean if you have an office job is cycling to work and turning up soaking wet for 3 months of the year sensible?

That was an example.

My favourite recently was "wrap up and take 30 four year olds to the park" for a birthday in January instead of softplay.
Apparently kids don't know how to play out any more.

English people like doing performative thrift. You’re renowned for it internationally.

I don't agree that skipping a take-away coffee or bringing one's own sarnies makes life miserable. If not cycling, then car share or public transport can be lower cost than running one's own car.

May as well not ask advice if going to insist that not willing to compromise on convenience.

Some people just love to wait so they can pounce and piss in somebody else's chips.

See all the threads - often frivolous or lighthearted and just a bit of silly fun - where some misery finds the thread, decides to open and read it, then chooses to participate... by telling the OP that she must have far too much time on her hands to be starting such a thread!

Imagine it being supposedly a waste of time to discuss something that you find funny and entertaining with like-minded people, but it somehow isn't a waste of time to join in with threads that hold no interest for you!

I presume they are the same people who actively choose to watch a TV programme that they hate every single week, just so they can write to Points Of View and complain about how they hate it!

Some of the covid ones were dreadful: rebuking and reporting people for putting an Easter egg for the kids in their trolley at the supermarket along with the essentials that they apparently were (grudgingly) allowed to buy.

I'm still not certain that the suggestion to stick a lump of cheese in your coffee if you ran out of milk was meant to be a joke!

On the birthday thing pp mentioned. mumsnet can be so weird about Birthdays! According to a lot of posters birthdays are really on for kids, and if you want a present or cake or meal out you should buy it yourself! 😂

And don’t get me started on wages, if Nurses or any NHS staff dare ask for a pay rise, you get the whole, “well I only earn minimum wage and don’t have a pension” brigade who bitterly resent public sector workers for some weird reason.

Life isn't supposed to be miserable, but it often is. People who bang on about how expensive having children is (and it is) but then go ahead and do it anyway, as if it's magically going to get cheaper and more manageable. They inevitably complain about it after the fact, and then wonder why people don't have much sympathy.

It shouldn't be difficult, but sadly it often is. Congratulations you've procreated, but if you think it's going to be easy, or that you should have everything paid for, then you're sorely mistaken. Raising children is HARD WORK, people really need to realise that before doing it.

I don't accept it as a race to the bottom.

I was brought up in a home where money was scarce and taking your own sandwiches, not buying coffee when out, was the norm. My mother was appallingly inept at budgeting and planning so we were always borrowing money from a grand parent and any request for new clothing caused major rows. So inevitability I'm conditioned not to live an extravagant life style. I would still take sandwiches with me and try and spend my money wisely even though I have savings. And I do allow myself some treats and small extravagance.

I don't see being careful with my money as being anything to be ashamed of. So long as being careful doesn't cross over into parsimoniousness.

"So tone deaf talking about holidays when so many can't afford it!" on holiday topic

"You should not go NC with your highly abusive parents. You are lucky to have parents!"

Are they? I live rurally and it would take me about 2 hours to cycle to work. No public transport either unless you count a village bus which takes an hour to get to the nearest train station. Do you habitually add 4h commute to your working day to save on car costs and see it as a sensible solution?

This 100%.

The sanctimonious replies are often written by people who have never had to cut back.

There’s also a “drag people to my level” mentality which is active, especially when anyone who earns more than two beans and a button dares to suggest they find aspects of their lives stressful - “move somewhere cheaper”, “stop paying for schooling”, “reduce your hours”, “you only need each other”, “go camping in November” all get trotted out without any consideration for the preferences or practicalities of the OP.
@SlightlyFriendlier is spot on, it’s performative thrift and it’s really fucking annoying - like a reverse Marie Antoinette

Yep I know people like this. Happy to tell others they just have to accept how shit cost of living etc is whilst living a very comfortable life themselves. But first to complain when something directly effects them such as fines for taking term time holidays.

Somebody needs to do a 4 Yorkshirewomen sketch 😀

I get what you're trying to express OP, but i don't think 'race to the bottom' is quite the right terminology.

Gleefully providing solutions while not acknowledging the shitness of a situation is something, definitely, but i don't know the name of it, lol.

I definitely think the 'you should be grateful for x, y, z because i got nothing and was grateful for it !!!!!' ( the birthday threads) is more 'race to the bottom'y

yes !!!!

i can't i'm not funny enough