Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

His mate might have just put them there as a joke. Blokes do that. Only you know your husband. I know mine and know that he’d head home at that point.

And my reply to his text would be:

'How, exactly, is 'organising a stag do and planning to visit prostitutes' funny?' and then maybe ask 'how would you feel knowing I was going away and planning on paying for sex with another man?'

I mean, he's one of the organisers so KNOWS EXACTLY what is being planned!! This is really really horrible for you OP. I'm so sorry.

I fucking hate men sometimes. Just lead by their dicks aren't they. fuck sake.

Paying for strip shows and sex, what absolute gross losers.

How far down the list before it's a LTB?

And you think women should just accept this behaviour as being " normal" ?

OWO is oral without - meaning without condom

At the very least, I’d be expecting DH to immediately opt out of the trip and reevaluate his friendship with these men. He won’t, of course, but if this was genuinely a shock, and he didn’t know his friends were into sex tourism (that is t even mentioning what he has or hasn’t done himself in the past!), I can’t see why there’d be any reaction to this but shock and horror. As it is, he’s joking about it, shrugging it off. He knew full well what it meant and was probably very willing to ‘partake’ himself. Sorry op. It’s shit.

You can judge a man by the company he keeps

At least some of the men on this trip are hoping / expecting to use sex workers

And your DH is organising the trip

What are you going to do with this info?

Is everyone going on the stag have a partner married?

The best man might have just looked up the costs for information for others. I think is naive to think stag do’s don’t entail strip clubs but if it’s just going and watching girls dance then personally i am ok with that. This is what ever boundary you have your relationship but I hold that as the same as me going to watch the magic mike show for my friends hen.

The other stuff is a big no but you need to trust your husband won’t get involved and it’s not up to you or him to dictate what others do!

I haven't voted, but OP asked 'Am I being naive to think DP was unaware?' so I'd say YABU = yes you're being naive and unreasonable to think he was unaware.

I would definitely be forwarding that to the other partners, they deserve to know. If it's a joke (it isn't - way too detailed and specific) the men can have a go at explaining that one.

This has made me feel sick. And his reply. He doesn't exactly sound shocked or disgusted does he.

So your partner would never step foot in a strip club but organise a stag to a place where there are strip clubs, with a load of people who use strip clubs and sex workers to the point where they're familiar with the abbreviations. He didn't realise this or even spot the 'expected' costs on the itinerary, even though he reviewed it and organised it with the other best man, who also never spoke about it despite researching it. It ended up on the itinerary without it ever being mentioned at all. But now he has found out for the first time that using sex workers is an expected part of the itinerary, he is not shocked, despite not knowing anything about it, and is still happy to go away with these men as he will just sit it out while they're all getting blow jobs, because it's none of his business.

Completely fucking rank.

Also there was an almost identical thread a couple of months ago.

Do what you like but as far as I know it is normal i.e. the majority of men will know other men who do this stuff. If you get a big enough group together, chances are there will be several. Some go home after the drinks, others take a taxi to some seedy sex club.

And I wouldn't try to ban my partner from a holiday because a friend of a friend is likely to get wanked off in a massage parlour or do coke or any other stuff that I don't like.

As someone who found their ex on seedy sites OWO is “oral without”🤢🤢 as in no protection

I agree with this. However if the OP doesn't think that her partner who organised the thing is involved, they will all deny all knowledge and blame each other.

There was a similar thread recently from a poster who's partner had researched and added the costs, and she was believing his 'I was just researching for other people as they asked about it and wanted to budget' excuse

Grim. If there are 16 going then I’m assuming not all are in couples. Maybe (and I’m being generous here) the prices have been scoped out for those who are interested - ie the single ones. But you never know on these trips do you.
His Wagatha response seems like he’s making a joke out of it, if he was genuinely planning on using this service then it would be marriage ending stuff for me not a bloody laugh. Of course he will feign ignorance and claim he would never do that but I suppose it’s whether or not you believe him. What a seedy situation.

Whatever he will say to you OP when you speak to him about the list will be a lie. He will message the rest of them first to get a "story" straight.

This would be relationship ending for me. Appreciate it may not be for other women, but it would be a hard line for me.

Just the fact he laughed about it means he doesn’t understand the implications of using sex workers or the utter misogyny of it. That would completely change the way I viewed him as a man.

I also wouldn’t trust him not to go with everyone else, even if he says it’s not for him. They are going for a weekend of beering it up: are they planning on splitting into groups of those going to the club and those not going? Of course not. Even if he just goes to drink with them in the SC, he’s condoning it and paying into the establishment.

Can’t fathom men like this. My Dh and his mates would rather be in a pub/bar/restaurant that serves good food and keeps the [reasonably priced] drinks coming. And most of them now have daughters the age of these workers.

I wouldn't ban mine either. I'd just ditch the fucker for poor taste in friends.

This is really grim. When my DB went on his stag do, they hired four boats on the Norfolk broads and had a BBQ. I’ve seen the photos, it looked like an amazing weekend.

Beware the OH who will just deny deny deny.......

Bit harsh to ditch a partner because his friend's work colleague Dave is a pig.

ngl this definitely sounds the most accurate out of the guesses - and it makes sense that they’re add ons to the service too!

My Dd is organising a weekend Hen Do there is sight seeing cocktail making and meals out no hidden extras.
Men can just be grim !

I think we all know what that means