Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

I can remember years ago - think 40 - woman found out her fiance had booked a stripper for his stag do.
So they filmed her at the venue and the stripper walked out. She was the stripper. She had her back to the audience, the fellas are all cheering, and of course she turned round and his face fell.
And all the men felt ‘sorry’ for him because they’d seen his ‘bird’ in a g-string and not much else.
But I’ve never forgotten it because it was the hypocrisy. They wouldn’t want their mums/sisters/wives/daughters doing it, but it’s okay for other women to? Women who have their own loved ones.
I know not every woman in the sex industry is held captive, but what a grim, grim job it must be. OWO on a man who has probably been out on the lash for 24 hours, absolutely rank.
And the thing is they KNOW the women involved wouldn’t look twice at them in the cold love of day, but on they go.

I'd be ditching because they're (OPs dp in this case) is an active organiser in it all and trying to laugh it all off.

He knows what’s being organised, and is either taking part or not judging his friends infidelities/use of sex workers - do either of those sit well with you OP? Can also usually tell what kind of weekend it will be by the destination…which is?

This would be the almost part of my post, but in general they really are disgusting.

I discovered this at an early age actually - my first marriage, our wedding was in Cyprus. The hotel was churning out a conveyor belt of weddings and we made friends with a couple who it turned out were loosely friends of friends back home. Tldr: the groom went out for his stag do in Cyprus and had sex with someone in an alleyway, the father of the bride also got a blow job off someone. They still got married as this didn't start being revealed until the day after.

More recently, our most squeekiest of squeeky clean friends - his stag do was a big affair but because he's squeeky, and his closest friends are too, nobody batted an eyelid to the possibility of anything unsqueeky going down. The turbo nerd of a best man however, organised a lap dancer who humiliated the groom in front of the whole group. He couldn't cope with the guilt even though he just sat there almost in tears and told the bride immediately. This almost finished their relationship.

It's like they (almost) ALL think it's just a right of passage that anything goes on a stag do. It's unfathomable to me.

OWO = oral without (condom)
FS = full service (but full sex is accurate)
PM = possibly prostrate massage or private massage, SO = service only

They forgot to add in the cost of STI clinic and divorce on return!

I bloody hope they aren't planning on "treating" the stag to any of this or there's the cost of a cancelled wedding to include too.

You’re being naive.

DH has a friendship group like this. They are old friends from his school days so whilst he doesn’t see them day to day as we don’t live in the same area, they are still close, in touch and we get invited to all the wedding etc.

He knows what they all do on these stag do’s so he doesn’t go and declines the invitations every time.

If your DP really wasn't comfortable with the dynamics of using trafficked women, he wouldn’t be going to (or organising!) the stag do.

Absolutely no way I'd be willingly letting him go to Benidorm, let alone on a stag do, let alone with sex bingo on the internary.

Funnily enough, the reason I got confirmation of my husbands cheating in Benidorm (ftr it was 10 years ago but I'd always had an inkling) was a thread on Mumsnet last year where the poor OP was seeing her husband cheating on her LIVE from Benidorm. It reignited my suspicions and led to my discovery too. DH didn't know many of the 50 men on that stag do either. That place is a hellhole and most men know and seek it.

the OP updated. It's Benidorm.

OWO Oral without (Condom)

🤢

Ex sexworker here.

They are all sexwork abbreviations, and those prices are incredibly low which means they're more than likely going to be visiting trafficked women and girls. Nobody is giving a full sexual service for €100.

Sleazy, seedy and sordid. No way back from this - I don't believe for a minute your DH is as innocent as he is making out.

Because it’s done frequently does not mean it’s “normal”, it’s really not!

It’s awful disgusting behaviour and far from normal.

You wouldn’t ban yours, because let’s be honest they’d take no notice of you.

What about if he got involved in the “normal” events of getting wanked off or doing coke?

I don’t own him so can’t ‘let’ him do or not do anything - and vice versa.

If I felt I had to prevent my partner from going to certain places then I’d knock the relationship on its head.

I am not naive though - I know it’s hardly the most civilised of places, but I trust DP until he gives me reasons not to.

Absolutely this 💯 - how absolutely despicable.

Send the email to the bride to be. At least she should know what she’s marrying.

You don’t think that he has just given you a reason not to trust him??

Also, men who solicit such services at these prices are probably aware of this and don't care. Sex tourism is a massive and exploitative industry.

Probably think they are getting a bargain!

No one owns anyone, but you have the right to respect and your feelings to be listened too.

Are you really happy that he’s going, you clearly don’t trust him, which I understand, because his feigning innocence is bollocks!

Yep, he's already given you reason not to trust him, by lying about the list. I fear you happily waving him off will be permission in his eyes

Your partner is either planning on shagging a (probable) trafficking victim or he’s okay with associating with men who do that. Come on OP get your head out the sand.

Are you still with your husband out of interest? How has this impacted your relationship if you are?

Yuch !

This would be a dealbreaker for me. In the very best case scenario that he didn’t know (SO unlikely) he’s still laughing about it.

I would let all the other partners and finance know. I would hate to be humiliated like this by not knowing my soon to be husband is planning to cheat on me. She needs that info to make a proper decision. Vile.

I voted YABU, as in I think you are being naive if you believe your DP, unfortunately. I'd expect him to no longer go on this stag. Even if he says he won't go into the SC or MP 🙄it's inappropriate for a man in a serious relationship to go on a stag do where the majority of the men will be participating in these types of activities. (In my opinion.) I wouldn't respect a man who had so little respect for me that he would be okay with this or want to be good friends with men who lived this way. It's seedy and frankly disgusting. I also wouldn't care to go to the wedding. I'd expect the friendship to basically be over.

The problem is, if your DP still wants to go, I'd be wondering if he's known all along that these friends are like this, and that would irrevocably change how I saw him, as well. 🤢 I realise not everyone has such a strong reaction to strip clubs and massage parlours, but I'm okay with that! We all have our limits to what we will accept in another person.