Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

[Gobsmacked39]

Long story short. On holiday with hubby; this is our first day of a two week holiday. It didn’t start great as his luggage was lost at the airport, so a bit cranky because of it. Trying to help him trace his luggage whilst he was in the pool only to find hundreds of messages, videos, suggestive pics of my hubby and one of his older former colleagues. This has apparently been going on for the past 18 months, whilst we’ve been married for 3 years and going through IVF in the past year. I’m absolutely devastated. I’m struggling to process what’s going on; feeling quite emotionally detached from it all - maybe it’s the shock. Things have not been perfect with IVF and miscarriages but this started way before that …. The messages broke me with I LOVE YOU being said on a daily basis. I’m reading through them and I don’t recognize my marriage; I feel like we’ve been living 2 different realities. He says he loves me but then allegedly he’s infatuated with her… but doesn’t want to break up. I can’t even process what’s going on ….

Please don't hide his passport. It's a criminal offence.

If money wasn’t too much of an issue, I’d also be promising myself I’d return in two years to celebrate how much better my life was, having extracted him from it.

Promise myself this was the place I was served lemons and made lemonade 🍸

OP, fly home as soon as you can. Tell your friends and family what he has been doing. Tell the OW husband, he deserves to know as well.

If he keeps threatening to kill himself, tell his family and the police

He is just doing the usual routine that these idiots do when they are caught out.

You owe him nothing, and need to do what is right for you now.

I would call your trusted loved ones as soon as possible and tell them what has happened and that you're coming home.

You cannot have a reasonable conversation with a liar and you cannot trust anything he says. I would pack your things and leave him a note telling him you're going home. Get yourself a taxi to the airport and come back. You need some space from him right now to grieve and to plan the next steps.

If you're worried about him hurting himself, tell his parents what has happened and that you are flying home. He does not get to control how you react to this or what you do next, don't let him continue to manipulate you.

It’s like he’s laying groundwork for you to be ok with his affair and for it to continue!

It wouldn’t sit right with me but I suppose you’ve got to chose what to do. If you are on about staying with him you need to prepare to share him because he’s infatuated with her like he said.

I've nothing to add that others haven't said already, but just wanted to send my solidarity and strength. An awful thing to find out, especially when you're so far from home. As everyone else has said, stop looking after the 'baby' that's not your job now, get home if you can or if not kick him out to another room (he can use his own credit card) and get to a solicitor asap. He's done. You deserve so much better.

Leave him there and go home, you've had a massive shock and need to look after yourself. Ignore his tears, if he's sick, he can get a doctor. If he threatens to kill himself call the emergency services.
He's brought it on himself and it's not for you to make it all better for him. Don't make any big decisions, just get away from him and talk to your own family and friends for support when you get home.

Agree, and I bet if you tell the local police/hotel that he's threatening to unalive himself he'll change his tune fast.

She got pregnant to your husband? Or to hers?

This guff about him having been to private school as his parents did and him wanting to have had an upper middle class woman is totally irrelevant. These are reasons for him not to have dated or married you - not for him to cheat on you within a few months of marrying you. He is shit.

You are showing so much decorum and level headedness, please leave him, asap.

I suspect ow said about the abortion to twist the knife in. Do it right back and inform her husband (he deserves to know) and then leave them to it . They deserve each other!

If he's off throwing up (due to being caught) get your stuff together, taxi to airport and first flight you can get back to the UK. Do what he's doing for himself and put you first. Do not allow him to keep manipulating you!

It says in the thread title it went on for 18 months, I think that's beyond a one off mistake.

He is not going to injure himself. If he says this again, call the front desk & tell them he needs a doctor.
Infact you should not even be in the same room babying him

If ever there was an example of a time the OP wouldn't want to start a holiday romance, this would be it.
What a stupid suggestion.

This is the second utterly bizarre offering from this poster (see thong bikini advice upthread). Comes across as either male, a journalist, or both.

Well I wonder how fiery the OW's ardour for this mewling babyman will remain once he's actually available.

I suspect she'll dry up faster than noon in the desert, but that's their problem, not yours.

Your priority now needs to be on taking care of yourself. You might be in shock for a few days, and neglect to eat/have trouble sleeping. Try to eat something regularly, keep hydrated, and at least allow your body to rest, even if you can't sleep.

You do not need to make any decisions right now. Get yourself home, gather IRL support, and THEN you can think about exploring what next steps you want to take.

That is simply not affordable for most people.

You poor woman.
Be glad you are not pregnant with this scum.
I hope you tell people and family and his colleagues, including about her abortion.
Bring it right to her door.
They are both scum.
I am so sorry.

This is very sound advice.

Agreed.

What a scumbag. Pathetic. I hope you are on your way home now to gather your friends and loved ones around you and get your proverbial ducks in a row.

I'd be at reception getting another room or booking into a different hotel all together fuck him and her id be telling her husband aswell because he deserves to know !