Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

[Gobsmacked39]

Long story short. On holiday with hubby; this is our first day of a two week holiday. It didn’t start great as his luggage was lost at the airport, so a bit cranky because of it. Trying to help him trace his luggage whilst he was in the pool only to find hundreds of messages, videos, suggestive pics of my hubby and one of his older former colleagues. This has apparently been going on for the past 18 months, whilst we’ve been married for 3 years and going through IVF in the past year. I’m absolutely devastated. I’m struggling to process what’s going on; feeling quite emotionally detached from it all - maybe it’s the shock. Things have not been perfect with IVF and miscarriages but this started way before that …. The messages broke me with I LOVE YOU being said on a daily basis. I’m reading through them and I don’t recognize my marriage; I feel like we’ve been living 2 different realities. He says he loves me but then allegedly he’s infatuated with her… but doesn’t want to break up. I can’t even process what’s going on ….

You can get online ones you can do at home I believe if that’s easier right now than going to a clinic.

Even if they do get together, once the reality hits that she's now got 3 kids to look after I doubt it'll last.

She will sadly as her big kid of a dh didn't even have the sense to use condoms.

he refused to get checked
he's been declaring love to his colleague all this time
he doesn't pull his weight at home
he's wailing, panicking and whimpering

THANK CHRIST you didn't have children with this self-serving twat!

My first mistake (yes, I chose two crappy husbands) was similar. I understood him so well - and he was such a classic narcissist - that he genuinely believed I'd let his OW move in with us 🤣 No idea whether told her his brilliant idea, I didn't ask her.

I wasted 11 years with that idiot, never realising until later that what was great about "us" was, in fact, me. As you'll be looking for small mercies, that's one! It's only three years of your life 💐

Please just leave. Pack your stuff, get to the airport and take it from there. You will be heartbroken, but just get home asap. Your life hasnt ended, dont waste another minute on him....

Get yourself a room alone, book yourself a day trip somewhere tomorrow and go and distract yourself. Sorry this is happening to you

Please leave. If you stay, you're signing up to a life of infidelity. He will never change.

It sounds like the OW was trying to justify their relationship to you. Fuck that shit. There's nothing special about them, they're not in love. They're a pair of dirty clichés getting their egos stroked through a sordid affair.

I'm just over 2 years down the line since my DH of 25 years left me for someone younger and I'm still processing everything. Some people say to me I'm better off without him which is no doubt true but I don't feel helps the level of hurt and betrayal Im still dealing with, although I would never take him back.. Good luck OP my heart knows what you are going through. Be prepared for more treats of suicide btw it's like a script.

Agree. It’s 6am and have t slept at all. They do deserve each other and just have to accept that

Op I've read all your updates and just want to say you need to prioritise yourself. If he's having panic attacks and talking about killing himself you can pass that buck on to his parents, youre not obligated to look after him any more. Focus on what you need to do for yourself.x

Ignore all his threats of him harming himself. It's a well-known control tactic.

Try and eat something OP, and drink plenty of water. You will be in shock and it affects your blood sugar. Fucking dreadful bastards the pair of them.

She is a cunt as well.

Over, end of discussion. Prioritise yourself and get everything in order and don't let him gaslight you.

Really good point. If he has another panic attack, meltdown, threat of suicide, etc. call his parents. They can take him back into their care. You need to protect your emotional safety.

What do you want to do OP? Apart from screaming at him or any natural reaction.
You have had a great shock and lots of good advice from many who have lived this. Me too, sadly.
I struggled with believing it at first and was paralysed in inaction, but I was at home. I do agree that the best thing would be to fly home alone, if you can. I don't think, based on what you've written, he will let you go easily. Be careful. I certainly would speak to reception if possible and ask for a separate room until you can make plans. You need space to think. If you can't fly home earlier, make arrangements not to sit beside him on the flight. Contact a friend or family to pick you up from the airport. These are just immediate plans. Remember- he is not your friend. Share none of your thoughts or plans with him. He is only thinking of himself and any attempt at reconciliation or further panic, is manipulation. I am sorry this has happened to you. My marriage ended on a holiday but I didn't find out about the OW until we got home. Good luck

He’s alright. Keeps throwing up but guess that’s anxiety. Most likely due to getting caught than anything else. He’s definitely had some sleep so he’s prioritizing himself. I don’t get anything but ‘I’m sorry’ ‘that’s not quite true’. He seems to have lost the rest of his vocabulary along with decency

Lots of sugary tea, bit of toast down you. Book a flight home today, and leave that man child squirm. Also don’t speak to her.. let her stew as well.

Another point of view - you don't get to waste any more time on a drama queen and your life is on the up. Might take time to realise that but you will!

So are you leaving the shared room - either to come back home or stay elsewhere, or will you stay and wait for him to convince you that it was a one off mistake and he will self harm if you leave etc. etc. etc. ?

Horrible situation. Why does it seem to me that these situations come to light when someone is at least 14 hours away from home. Do the cheaters let their guard down or what?

Well done for holding it together OP. Please look after yourself.

Why do you think you’re still there and listening to him? Even in the midst of discovering his infidelity you seem to be looking after him and prioritising him over yourself.

op please just pack your bag and leave for the airport. Call family/friends to help you get home.
Don’t stay there longer.
don’t speak to her again and block him until you are ready to discuss practicalities. You will heal from this! Honestly!!