AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

[HannahW2768]

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

Spot on, Harry styles can absolutely get away with wearing what he wants as an adult but as a teenager he was in trousers and a tshirt like all the others!

I would have bought my daughter ballet flats at this age to wear to parties etc if there was a pair she loved. For this reason I’d do the same for my son- knowing him and his personality I honestly don’t think anyone would have batted an eyelid (and still wouldn’t now aged 9). They wouldn’t have ballet flats for day to day though as they’re rubbish for running in.

Oh dear.

Your words, not mine.

You'd be as well going the whole way and painting a target on his back.

A thread with many different opinions. I wonder though if the pro boys wearing primarily feminine attire are the same people who would support not announcing the gender of their child at birth until the child makes up their own mind. I thought I'd heard it all until I found out there were parents who actually believed in this. Absolutely ludicrous.
😂😂😂

Despite it being the 21st century, this is a case of Social Darwinism at play:
In theory he should be allowed to wear them.
BUT practically
He'd likely to be ridiculed, teased by other kids and they aren't practical on any surfaces bar wooden ballet stages or specific dancing ones. On cold concrete his feet will be freezing very quickly.

I know it's a bit sad for him, but I'm sure he'd understand by six years old?
Good luck anyway.

Just say no if you don't want him to have them. No need to justify yourself to a child, you're an adult and don't have to answer to the child.

So maybe ask him more about why he wants them and if he really does want them then get a similar pair for him but only to wear to stuff like restaurants, cinema, parties and at home and not school, walks or playing as knowing him the bullying of wearing them in public won't affect him i think

I wouldn't buy any child this age ballet flats apart from for dress up. I wouldn't let a 6 year old choose all their own clothes though and I wouldn't buy a boy a girls skirt to wear day to day, dressing up is fine as is playing with traditionally girls toys. DS had a pink play kitchen.

Just say no. Parents say no to things kids want all the time, it's perfectly normal behaviour no matter what the reason or whether it's a bag of sweets, a toy, or clothes. It's not sad for him or a big deal in anyway.

DS has some pink clothes. I bought some 'girly' leggings become the colours were nice and bright compared to the dreary boys' ones, and a set of long sleeved vests because they had hedgehogs on them. That there's one pink thing in each set doesn't bother me, he can wear pink and purple. (The girls' clothes often have blue things, and have a lot more colours in general, so it doesn't seem fair.) I knew his sex before he was even born, he'll be male forever regardless of what he wears.

OTOH my 19 year old DS is glad I allowed him to wear what he wanted, even when it was from the girls section. He still wears women's shoes most of the time because they are nicer than men's.

Im confused about people talking about Carlos Acosta/ male ballet dancers/ ballet lessons. I thought @HannahW2768's son wanted the style of outdoor shoe that are generally called 'ballet flats' not actual ballet shoes. And as someone who does ballet, they are nothing alike.

It’s a no from me as they’re crap for feet, even as adults.

That's my argument with any child. Foot support comes before fashion

You do you but I would not be comfortable with my son wearing girl’s clothing. I also know he would be bullied if he did so. It seems to me, some people like using their children bullied so don’t care as much but I don’t want it and care.

Why do you want boys to wear girl’s clothing?

Personally it's not something I would encourage and certainly not at this young age...... my now nearly 8 yo DS used to love dressing up in a princess dress when he was younger and I never stopped him, I didn't encourage it though and I wouldn't buy them for him but he would occasionally come home from his childminders with one in his bag and I'd allow him to put it on at home whilst he was playing etc he would even wear the little plastic "clip clop" shoes too....... now however at the mere mention of it and if he see's a picture of hin he is mortified lol he has now grown into being a proper boys boy. Back then he was in a childminding setting surrounded by girls and they had no idea of the difference with genders etc. I just think at this age they mimic and copy what their peers and also adults who they look upto and admire/love etc without understanding. It's all perfectly normal for them but I think by buying him a pair you are encouraging it and setting him up for ppl taking the piss.

why feel bad? why not buy them what they want?

Why would he need to express an interest in ballet? I spent the early 2000s killing my feet in ballet flats and can assure you I have never had any interest in ballet my whole life. It’s just a name of a style of shore. Like most people who wear baseball caps will never play baseball.

there is a massive difference between WANTING a child to do something and not being worried if THEY want to do it.