AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

[HannahW2768]

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

@Labelledelune I think kids are much smarter than we give them credit for to be honest. Most will be aware of what girls/boys “normally” wear - it’s drummed into them in every shop/book/tv show/daily life. Sometimes they just want to be kids and try things that they like 🤷🏻‍♀️
I find a lot of things on this thread far more concerning than letting kids wear clothes that aren’t ‘meant’ for them. The ones who refuse to explain/justify things to their kids because they are adults and kids should just listen?! 😳🫠 The ones teaching their boys that they have to wear plain clothes because that’s what’s “normal” (apparently!). I find both of these very sad!

As somebody who deals with joints, I’d say no based on the fact there is no arch support and there is no rise at the heel (same as sliders, flip flops, ugg boots).

However, I wouldn’t say no based on them being ‘girl shoes”.

Haha I knew this was coming.
I can assure you my DS is not one to just follow the crowd or obey....... infact I wish he bloody would a bit more at times. He very much has his own mind.

What is with the obsession about kids having to be "different" these days. It's like it's wrong for boys to be boys and girls to be girls or for kids to be kids too without there having to be a label or some bloody quirk to them.

My kids are kids, their happy, healthy, safe, loved, secure, thriving and able to express themselves but guess what they have boundaries, discipline and are taught and encouraged to behave in age appropriate ways...... shoot me as Im clearly a shit mum!

I wouldn’t allow my 4 year old ds to wear girl clothes or shoes. I don’t care if it’s not PC.

My sons are all these things too. They have boundaries, discipline etc. But they can (and do) wear nail varnish, makeup and clothes or shoes from the "women's" section.

Ballet flats are actually bad for your feet. I wouldnt put a girl or boy age 6 in them.
Just say they are not good for his feet ad they fall off and he cant climb or run in them.
Lots of kids shoes are a unisex style and there are plenty of unisex kids shoes that are stable and comfortable.
Its fine to say no to your children when they want stuff.

They are different but Im not really clear why their clothing should be. What about which colours they wear, who they play with, what toys they like? Should those things be different too.

@HannahW2768 I wouldn't buy ballet flats for a 6 year old but I was always perfectly happy for my boys to choose shoes/clothes from the girls section if they wanted to (mostly they didn't but ds4 did have a pink, glittery pair of trainers one summer).

And that is fine, if mine wanted to do that I wouldn't stop them. I wouldn't encourage it or buy it for them but I wouldn't stop them nor would I ridicule them for it. Would I encourage them to do that in their safe space at home? Yes I 100% would because I don't want them to be bullied or ridiculed and whether any of us like it it is what would happen.

You did the right thing suggesting a different shoe.

1. I didn't say all ballet flats are pink.

1. I didn't say pink is just for girls

1. My child isn't a ballet dancer so what male ballet dancers wear is irrelevant to me.

Simply because boys when they reach school age look utterly ridiculous in a princess frock or hair in ribbons & bows etc. If when they become young adults they decide they like the idea of being a cross dresser, are trans, or they have an ambition to become a drag queen thats a whole different story.

I wouldn't buy any of my children random shoes just because they happened to like a pair I was buying and asked for ones like them. I would probably say something like - well, maybe for your birthday or Christmas. And leave it at that. If he still was on about it when bday/Christmas rolled around, then I'd have no problem buying them for him.

Just stick to barefoot shoes - they are better for the development of the foot anyway.

"utterly ridiculous" is an opinion not a fact

The main difference appears to be that girls’ feet require flimsy pretty shoes and boys get sturdy functional ones. If you go by what’s in the shops, that is!

Of course there’s no difference between a boy and girl’s feet at this age. And ballet flats are crap shoes.
But… a little boy wants shoes like his mum. Toddlers idolise their parents and want to copy them. My son used to wear my high heels all the time! There’s nothing more to it at that age, it’s dress up and fun and imitating adults they see.

And what if he wanted ballet shoes, are they only for girls?

It is never too young to teach your son that anything thats "for girls" is embarrassing and rubbish apparently.

I once saw a dad and a boy in the ELC shop, the little boy was asking for a toy pram. The dad said - with a straight face - no, that’s for girls. The dad was pushing the boy’s baby sibling’s pram around the shop at the time 🤦🏻‍♀️

no one wears shoes with their genitals, so they’re not ‘for boys’ or ‘for girls’ if they fit ok. Ballerina flats aren’t really suitable for any child of that age though, so I’d have led with that.

If you enjoy seeing boys in ribbons & bows crack on. It'll thankfully never be the norm for the vast majority of school boys. When they're older its up to them.

I wouldn't want my daughter to wear them just because they're really bad for your feet.