AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

[HannahW2768]

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

I feel perhaps you're the slow one on here. Why are 'girls' clothes on boys not maintaining standards? Why are 'girly' things inferior?

This may be a bit controversial but I think it depends on the child. My DS likes to dress up and sometimes dresses up as a princess (I’m pretty sure he likes the feeling of the netting stuff because he’s always rubbing his face on it). We don’t allow him to go out in them because honestly, if he got picked on for it he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He’s pretty shy and sensitive. We are working on it and once he’s a bit more assertive and able to stand up for himself I won’t give a fuck what he wears but right now given how he is it’s not worth the trouble. I probably wouldn’t let him have ballet flats, also they’re bad for your feet.

My son wore dresses off and on, costumes mainly, colourful sparkly trainers etc. he's 8 and has never been bullied and is really a very popular child. He still often chooses a 'girlier' accessory like pink pencil cases etc. Loves anything with unicorns on. Doesn't seem to be doing him any harm

I wouldn't discourage wearing a "girl's" item in general at that age, but I wouldn't let a young child of either sex wear ballet flats because they're just unhealthy, impractical and won't last long. Since you wear them yourself, you're best bet would probably be to claim that they're unhealthy specifically when your feet are still growing. (And consider getting a more supportive version yourself - FitFlop do quite good ones. )

I wouldn't have said they are for girls but I would have said they are only for grown-ups as they don't fit or stay on children's feet well. My daughter's aren't allowed then yet either.

On reflection it's undeniable drag queens if popular can become celebrities & make a fortune. Perhaps the parents who support & encourage their boys to go out in princess dresses etc aren't so ridiculous after all. Definitely not for me though but each to their own.

Not good for children's feet I remember my daughter wanting them for school shoes years ago id say No !! No matter what gender there not supportive enough for small children growing feet x

Would you have bought him other Clark’s shoes on a whim?

When I was that ageI needed/wanted glittery jelly shoes. THOSE are bad for your feet. Eventually my mum got me a cheap pair and made it clear they were play shoes and not every day shoes. I’d get my kids (both boys) sparkly ballet flats for toys. My oldest often chooses purple sneakers sometimes with glitter. I have no problem with that.

not sure I agree....I think its one's deepest personal beliefs and fears which come out.....

I feel bad for my sons when they want something very girl-coded.

I will buy sparkly or rainbow things for their Crocs for an unobtrusive way to satisfy them, while explaining that in our culture, boys wear plain things, I’m sorry I wish it wasn’t this way but it is (some cultures had fabulous male dress)

How are they not the same?

dd often chose boys shoes in Clarks. The fitter is as fine with it, nothing was ever said about sex related foot differences?

I sometimes wear men’s trainers if I prefer the colourway. Men’s and women’s fit exactly the same.

as for ballet flats, I wouldn’t have gone into girl vs boy and people’s judgement, but simply told him they aren’t strong enough for growing feet, or he didn’t need new shoes at that time.

Could get him a cheap pair of actual ballet shoes and show him some videos of Carlos Acosta, show him what men do when wearing ballet shoes.

My 2nd cousin became a ballet dancer, danced for the Ballets Russes and now is an osteopath specialised in treating ballet dancers with a PhD!
Does your son just want them because he likes them or is he thinking of taking ballet lessons?

How do you know he might not be a future Mikhail Baryshnikov?

If your son wears ballet flats you are setting him up for years of bullying whether the politically correct brigade like it or not - kids are cruel!

I saw the thread title & was about to post about my debate with DD last week when we went to buy new trainers & she was trying to get Lelli Kelly style ballet style shoes (not knocking LK btw, their trainers & boots are generally supportive and last forever).

I would get dress-up ballet shoes for wearing at home, but I too would not buy these for my DS. Obviously kids should be able to wear what they like, but in real life it’s just potentially making them a target for cruel comments etc. I know some Mumsnetters have outgoing popular boys who can wear glittery things with aplomb, but realistically it’s not always going to be the case.

He seems delightful, that was so funny about the nightie riding up and he’s learned early about what we have to suffer ( lighthearted.

Some of these posts are insane. It's one thing arguing with grown adults online about whether boys should wear girly clothes but it's a whole different story having an actual little boy walking around a school in girls clothes. He would get tortured in my sons school which would seriously affect the rest of his life.
I've said this before on here. My son was always quite girly when he was younger, he's now 11 and would be fuming at me if I sent him to school in what he wanted to wear when he was 7.
I mean how do you explain to a teenage boy who sees how important it is to 'fit in' at that age that you encouraged him to walk around in girls clothes, it's only because he's young that he doesn't understand the effects over the coming years.
And to add there is 3 kids in my sons school, all brothers/sisters, all with one side of their head shaved and the.other half long, always in 'non binary clothes' ..if thats a thing! I don't know if they are male or female but what I do know is that absolutely no one speaks to them, no one plays with them, they hang around with each other only, I would say that's pretty evil parenting, no one is thick enough to beleive thst they just happened to have 3 seperate children, all deciding not to be a gender

I’d have gone with ‘they’re not good for young children - you can’t run around or climb trees’. I’d have said the same to a young girl as well. Even the teenage girls at my school don’t wear ballet flats - they wear sensible laced shoes or black leather trainers!

I think some posters are assuming that the YANBU voters think girly stuff is inferior or will cause them to become gay? I think most people just don’t want to set their kid up to be bullied. Not everyone lives in nice areas with forward-thinking people. We all know that it’s due to ingrained beliefs/sexism, but I wouldn’t be making an example out of my child in order to reeducate society.

Yeah but it’s generally female-coded outfits, not like male-coded clothing that is colorful and showy.

When they are older I will teach them about the ‘Great Renunciation’ in Western male dress which dropped the colorful, fancy clothes in favor of the austere styles we still have today.

Does lady hester have children? When my son was five he had a baby doll that he pretended to be pregnant with and occasionally wore a nightdress in the house. When he asked could he wear a skirt out to play outside in I said no. I didnt want him bullied. He is a heterosexual dad now.