Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

[FirstNight]

23years ago I found mumsnet and became the network I shared and found strength and support as I raised my 3 children and make 100s of Mars lemon drizzle cake 😁

Really didn't think I'd be back here so soon seeking advice.

2026 the final child is 18. The mortgage will be paid in 2mths and the silver wedding anniversary will be upon us in the autumn.

Middle child ..21 in Sept. Moved out 2 yrs ago with the boyfriend. Back in December they noted the tenancy on flat was up and won't be renewed (house being sold). In January they asked if could bunk down with us for 6mths so they could save some extra £ before moving to a new place. Yes of course we say...for a rent payment that covers utilities and food and evidence of saving.

Now today...we have an excited couple informing us they are pregnant. But no other plans than still to move in with us. Dd job is likely not to pay more than maternity allowance , the only saving grace is that career chosen is term time so in 6 yrs will work well for them. Boyfriend has just moved from salaried to self employed...so not a positive for applying for new tenancies.

I was looking forward to enjoying freedom without a small child hanging about and time to reconnect to hubby. Seems we may end up as additional hands, broken nights sleep and a kitchen and lounge full of baby related paraphernalia.

I want to be excited but all I'm thinking and remembering is those first few years with our eldest and the struggles and challenges that come with this.

Anyone would think the daughter is a 14 year old single schoolgirl the way some people are carrying on.

How on earth would some of you cope if your daughter was pregnant at 14 Or 15 with a child.

What would you do kick her out on the street?🙄

Social housing was impossible to get 18 years ago and it’s even harder to get today.

A couple would have absolutely NO chance unless they are disabled.

The only woman I know who has social housing was a victim of D & V and her partner was kicking her out.

@Netcurtainnelly The pregnant woman is 21, with a partner, and with a planned pregnancy by the sounds of it.

and how many others do you think are doing that across the country?

The council hardly have any accommodation today.

@MyTrivia That's not quite right. The pregnant young lady would, however, have to declare that she had nowhere else to live in terms of family help.

That's what I mean
She's hardly a teen schoolgirl.
How would some of the posters on here have coped if she'd been a schoolgirl.
Finding your own accommodation wouldn't even come into it.
Child would be at home with you and the baby.

She is certainly acting like a 14 year old. I'd expect more from an actual adult.

Exactly this post is showing all the naivety about council housing.

Get onto the council, get on the register (sigh)

@Netcurtainnelly But she isn't 14. They can find their own accommodation. Of course it won't be easy but tough luck!

That's not the question if you can't cope with your 21 year old daughter who has a partner getting pregnant how would you cope with a 14 year old schoolgirl?

She’s not a schoolgirl though. She’s someone who is 5 years out from GCSEs who can’t even keep a roof over her head, and thinks it’s a good idea to start a family with a man who can’t keep a roof over his head either, and quit a permanent job with grand ideas of becoming an entrepreneur. Sounds great.

@Netcurtainnelly She doesn't have to "cope". Why should she upend her life and have them in her home? Her daughter is an adult and the planned baby the responsibility of the parents.

And these people joke about their children going no contact.

’you are absolutely not welcome to live here so find somewhere else no matter what living conditions…but we would like to see our grandchild once a week’ ermmm absolutely not

Get a grip yourself.

Just because you would do that does not mean everyone else has to.

That’s fine, and your child should resent you for it. Case closed

Depends where you are in the country, some of it is readily available

@teamaven That's the choice they made. Exactly what did they expect would happen?

I'd expect the behaviour from a pregnant 14 year old, I wouldn't expect it from a pregnant adult is what I'm saying.

A 14 year old would live with me because she's a child and has likely always lived there, not the case for a 21 year old. Strict boundaries would still apply though, they would just be slightly different considering the ages.

If you want to have a baby when you don't have the means to house them, you are going to have to take some responsibility and not expect everyone to roll over for a poor decision that you made. That isn't not coping in my eyes.

My DC know better and I have a great relationship with them. No resentment.

Case closed.

I am ok with my child resenting me in these circumstances. Not in the business of rearing or housing entitled, irresponsible kids with feckless boyfriends. Education and careers first, always.

My mum would have skinned me alive in these circumstances. Do I resent her? Far from it. I adore her.

You really need to understand that not everyone has to do as you do.

There is a two bedroom social housing flat directly opposite me that has been empty for two years

First world problems 21 year olds having a child.
Meanwhile,some women would give anything to have a child, then a grandchild.
How lucky is this woman to have a daughter and a grandchild on the way.

Would she rather never have children? I think that might have been best for her.
Then this problem wouldn't arise.

If you can't cope with your children and the fact you can't control everything then don't have them.
Your life will be easier.

Sorry for any misunderstanding I was actually saying that I agree with you! Would and have done anything for my children / grandchildren!

I feel the narcissism in some of these commenters assume that the pregnancy was planned, which I doubt it was. Accidents happen, shit happens and as a parent if you have to pick up the pieces you have to pick up the pieces, it might not be ideal but that’s the pledge you make when you birth a child.

Other than you being a bit of a see you next Tuesday there is no excuse on this planet to not house your child or grandchild in a time of need, sorry but ‘I don’t want to’ is not a good enough excuse.

Anyway I am leaving this thread now. Enjoy your quiet retirements, I’m sure you’ll be begging your adult children to visit at Christmas when you get lonely.

Skinned you alive, what does that mean? Thrown you out on the street? If so I doubt you would adore her today.