Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

I’ve been in your exact situation this time last year actually and they WILL give him the child benefit and he WILL get child maintenance off you. I can’t comment on the tribunal aspect as I am still waiting for that.

This 100pc
OP, you are being unbelievably unreasonable and greedy.

👏🏼👏🏼

Neither did she!

You aren’t entitled to your ex’s money, as if you are married

Oh dear, not often I have empathy for the man.

You literally got the vast majority of what he likely had built. That was deemed fair by the Courts. CMS is a blunt instrument- when they look at the facts they will give one child to each and he can counter claim from you.

I would advise you to get legal advice quickly. And see sense for the sake of your children.

Oh and actually have some decency.

My sister has just been through it. Her husband was the one in the OPs situation, leaving with bulk of the joint assets and then expecting her to fund his lifestyle with the “it’s not fair she earns more than me”. He got the shock of his life when he had to pay her more or less the same and she had to pay him. One if the kids left to live with my sister full time because of the way he was going on so he then had two children to pay for. He was very confident that that would never happen too.

Even if he does get child benefit and then decides to do a counter claim with cms then because I earn significantly less then it will still be him that is paying me each month, and it might be like he gives me 600 but then I have to give him 200, from what I have witnessed so far CMS are pretty rigid and unwilling to make changes and would be unlikely to award maintenance against me and even less likely to close the entire case entirely!

You don't "look like" the poorer parent, you are. He earns more than you. That's the reality. If you want lavish holidays you can't afford, get a better job?

You're intending to "prove that you do more" whilst admitting many times here that you share everything 50/50 including expenses. So what you do mean is lying to court?

And what if he then decides not to pay any of the kids shared costs? Uniform, school trips etc?

Seriously, the amount of shitty dads out there who don't see their kids, don't pay for them because they either don't work or work cash in hand to avoid paying, and you've got a co-parent who does 50/50 care, offered to pay for all the shared costs, what sounds like a really good co-parenting relationship and you are willing to throw that away to line your pockets with his money you don't deserve? Nah, this thread isn't real, I don't believe it for a second.

Why would CMS make him pay anything to you? Maintenance is for the costs of looking after the children more than 50% of the time. If the children are shared 50/50 neither part owes the other one anything whatsoever. That he earns more than you it totally irrelevant. The sooner you understand this the better. Stop wasting money on legal fees.

I can’t believe, after reading the other thread, that anyone in their right mind would continue down this path. Don’t continue with this madness, OP!! Look at the other poster; she was devastated when her kids left her because of her greed.

I also struggle to work out how someone on £60k a year with 70% of the marital assets and only 50% of time with the children is struggling to afford a nice holiday.

Is it really worth all that hassle , legal costs and a deteriorating relationship with the coparent for £400 a month? You need to sort your priorities out.

So for the sake of potentially coming away with £400 a month (after you have paid him the £200) you have probably gotten rid if any goodwill and good relations between you and your ex, for what?

You already got 70% of the split in the divorce to reflect income differences

He already offered to pay more of the joint expenses.

You are not hard done to financially.

You have come across greedy and grabby. Of course when together you all benefitted from his higher income...you were a family then. Your kids still continue to benefit from his high income when they are with him.

If you came into some extra money now , would you share it with your ex? After all that would only be fair in your eyes, wouldn't it?

You sound unbelievably greedy and entitled, OP.

do you know what, even though I still think I deserved the money for all the years and extras I did, now I know the system and with hindsight I never should have gone down that path. Up to you, you are going to lose.

CMS is to ensure the children are catered for. It isn't to even up your incomes. He is a high earner, but you also earn a decent wage and were given a greater share of the assets in the divorce (which presumably set you up eg for housing them) There is no guarantee at all that he would be due to pay you a higher level of CMS if you have the children 50 50 and claim CB for one each.

How does the £400 balance out if he never splits a shared cost again? Still quids in.

Without adding in the loss of any goodwill or nice co parenting.

I mean it’s not like your poor living on minimum wage desperately trying to pay rent while he lords its up. You’re on 60k and got 70% of assets plus 50% of pension. You should be sitting pretty pretty.

Its not even £600 though, the £800 will be halved, and then youll have to pay him £180 ish. So your ruining so much for an extra 2 grand a year? On top of losing the child benefit

Do you really think thats gonna stretch to give your children a better lifestyle more than what he does now?

@fixatedplanet

You posted on AIBU, therefore you must have doubts about whether this is reasonable.

You've got a poster who went down the same route and now has lost her kids and money. You've had dozens of responses saying how much of a mistake this is and explaining it in detail.

At minimum it will damage your co-parenting relationship, this in turn with harm your children.

Please reconsider.

Why would CMS be unlikely to award maintenance against you?

Once he has CB then they’ll have no choice as he will be, for maintenance purposes, the resident parent of that child.

If he goes back to court (which it sounds like he should) and has the no maintenance agreement reinstated CMS also have to respect the court order. It would be valid for one year and one day before you could apply to CMS again

The very best outcome you can hope for, if you are another who is going to ignore all sensible advice, is that he will have to pay you maintenance for one child and you’ll have to pay him for one.

Keep in mind though that is all he will legally be obliged to pay. So all the things you currently share costs for he’ll be able to say no to contributing to.

I’m glad that you see this now and actually think it’s great to see you trying to help someone else. I know you have been through a lot, I think it can be a good lesson about not letting anger and resentment cloud your judgment. There is the saying ‘pick your battles’ the purpose of this is because if you don’t win, you could lose out terribly. So always choose what you will fight, and why, and consider all the possible outcomes very wisely. Try to detach all the emotions from the desire to pursue this and look at it objectively (like all of the responders to your post are) and don’t rush in.

The other poster had opportunities to stop pursuing this and chose not to, don’t miss out on those for yourself

CMS says clearly in black and white on their website, if care is shared equally, no maintenance is payable.

It is not CMS that decides if care is equal, it's the child benefit service. If care is 50:50, CB will easily get proof of that and split the CB, and CMS will follow their lead.

You will get nothing.

We all told @ProlongedAffair this. She didn't believe us and was horrified when it started playing out exactly as we said. Losing both kids was just the icing on the cake after she lost the child benefit, the child maintenance and was ordered to repay what she owed.

If you really want to throw money away then carry on as you are.

incredibly greedy

You already got paid during the years of all the extras. He paid maintenance that was suitable at the time. When the situation changed, the maintenance changed. You weren’t owed anything.
If you ever want your kids back to you need to get that through your head and change your attitude. He doesn’t owe you anything for the past - he already paid for that at the time.

I can see the OP’s solicitor will do well out of this, especially when they tell you that you can win this. Then they lose, but you still have to pay.

The most important thing the ex and I did was maintain a decent relationship. DS grew up in a well balanced life.

Curiosity has got the better of me. Has he met a new woman?