Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

The other poster's partner only made 30k and her spelling and grammar was terrible compared to this OPs

If you want to add to the CMS Workload out of jealousy or spite then that’s fine. It’s not a good look though

It’s a real shame that you lost your kids and most of this post is still about how “unfair” that is financially.

On the other one she earned 60k and he earned more.

And having poor SPAG on one thread and good SPAG on another is actually a common trolling tactic as it draws different people to comment and replies are often different (I’ve actually seen on another forum someone, not trolling, do this to show the point that it changes people’s opinion of the OP)

I totally disagree with you. I would fight tooth and nail to stop you getting maintenance from me if I was your ex. What he earns is absolutely none of your business. It's only relevant if you were doing more parenting than him. As an independent view (which you asked for) I perceive you as entitled and grabby. If you were working your bollox off and still only able to make minimum wage, I'd maybe have a tiny bit of sympathy but you're on £60k. You absolutely do not need him to fund your life. Get some self respect and stop sponging off your ex.

I must be missing something here. OP says the children are missing out because despite being divorced and taking him for 70% of marital assets, 50% of his pension and £800 per month, despite having a salary of £60,000 herself, she wants her ex to pay her more so the children they have 50:50 don’t miss out on going on ‘expensive’ holidays with her which their father can afford to take them on.

OP, you want your ex to fund YOU and the children on ‘expensive’ holidays? Errr, nope, let him take the children on twice as many expensive holidays if he can afford them.

Not sure if this the same OP as the ‘other thread(s)’ or her ex doing a reverse but it just goes to show there are some grabby women out there. This OP hasn’t played the ‘I did everything on my own for years and now he’s helicoptered in to scoop the children up’ card for which some may have an element of sympathy, but how are any of us to know?

If you’re 50/50 I don’t see why you think you have a claim to his income tbh. You’re a higher earner too and he’s paying for their needs for half the time as is his responsibility.

How is it unfair that he has more money because he earns more money? It’s not a handout it’s his salary. I’d say he’s highly likely to win on both fronts.

tbh I don’t really care if people think this is me, it’s not and I’m trying to tell this person what happened in my situation even though it’s not turned out good for me. In fact it’s turned out terrible and I’ve lost both my kids. Not saying that will happen to this poster just that’s my situation and that child benefit and child maintenance will give him it, however unfair that is.

Since then, both of our children has moved in with him as he’s basically alienated them by saying I am greedy, a gold digger etc.

Reading your posts I'd very much imagine your DH didn't have to put any effort into saying you were being greedy, you, like the OPer of this thread showed that yourself by your own actions.

The children have no idea what sacrifices I made for many years whilst they were little in every way, financially, emotionally, the lot. He will show his true colours in time and they will see. I have read it is very common for teenagers to defect to the other parent, the one that seems cool aka Disney dad and then they always end up coming back to the parent that actually brought them up for years in the end.

Its obviously extremely upsetting that your children have chosen to live with their father and i am truly sorry for that, i imagine you're utterly heartbroken, but in that instance he should be the one claiming CMS and child benefit.

So in the divorce you took an extra 20% of the assets, presumably to compensate for lower earnings during the marriage.

You are no longer a couple, he therefore owes you nothing. He owes his kids something but he seems to be doing right by his kids time wise and financially.

The fact he can afford to spend money on holidays with the kids but you can’t shows he’s doing the right thing by them. You’re just bitter about this, rather than thinking it’s great that your kids have these opportunities because of who their dad. Instead you’re annoyed things are no longer shared in terms of your finances so they do those things with you. That’s the reality of being divorced - your finances aren’t shared.

Honestly, I think it’s quite clear you’re being greedy. You’re not hard up, you’re just not mega-wealthy. He pays for things for the kids and has them 50% of the time, so has as much time to work as you do. Unless there’s some drip feed where he only works term time and has them more in the holidays so you do more school runs etc. then you both have equal earning opportunities and he actually left the marriage with fewer assets than you (30%).

The kids ought to love you for being their mum and doing right by them - you might be poorer than their dad but you should be glad they benefit from that and still have a stable and loving home with you. You’re also not financially unstable if you have half his pension and 70% of marital assets, you just don’t get to continue benefitting from his finances post marriage because that’s the whole point of a clean break divorce.

If you’re genuine you had plenty of opportunities to make better choices.

You let your greed cost you your children, and you still appear to take no responsibility for it.

If the OP is genuine hopefully they’ll learn from you bad choices.

"I look like the poorer parent" - well, that's because you are! You got the recognition of what you were due financially with 70% of assets at divorce and now, going forward, given you parent 50:50, your lives are not financially linked. If you want to match what he offers holiday-wise it's up to you to earn more. Your kids are not 'deprived' just because e.g. you can only afford a caravan holiday in the UK or even just staycation daytrips whereas he takes them to Majorca for a fortnight. They are actually getting more treats/holidays than kids in a 2 parent family so they are pretty materially privileged all round!

I’m a solicitor myself. My solicitor is excellent and is the senior partner of their firm. The CMS calculator is misleading for 50/50 scenarios for high earners and that is well known by lawyers. Case law gives you the true picture.

I can assure you all that I am not the same person that posted previously on another thread although I have now read that thread and there are certainly similarities but I do not for a minute expect my boys to want to leave me!

You are going to lose.

They awarded CMS because you get the child benefit. But you only get that because your ex lets you. He is equally entitled to the claim. It does not matter that he can’t actually receive the money; they don’t care about that. You will lose. They will award him child benefit for one of the kids, and you the other. Then you cannot claim CMS against him. And you will have wrecked a good co-parenting relationship out of sheer greed.

Please listen. You will 100% lose here.

You’ve already been compensated with 70% of the assets and half his pension. You are not entitled to his money anymore. He earns more and can do things with the kids that you can’t. That is life. You are not being unfairly treated.

You need to stop and repair the coparenting relationship because you will lose this.

Yes he will win. This is quite common for 50/50 situation for each parent to have one CB claim each.

Neither did she til it happened

I don’t understand why you need an extra £800 a month? If he splits everything, what do you need the extra for? I can’t see how you would be spending another £800 a month on your children for the 2 weeks you have them.

Genuinely don’t get this. It makes no sense unless you are just wanting some of his salary for yourself?

She didn’t think her DC would leave her either, but they did.

This really isn’t the hill to die on.

I can promise you he will win the CB claim and you will be out of pocket for the legal fees. Don’t do this to yourself.

He will win because it’s fair that he does, and this is what happens in 50/50 situations. This situation usually allows either parent to claim some entitlement rather than 0. It just is this way and you aren’t about to be some kind of test case challenging the CMS and changing things. You will just lose

I'm not judging you for your decisions, I am just being honest with you. As one woman to another, I genuinely don’t wish anyone ill in life. I have no reason to want to wish ill on you, but you will not win

Look your playing with fire. Cms is totally irrelevant for those incomes and 50/50. As others have said they work on who gets the benefit. And he will get one of them.

and he won’t need to pay a penny more than ordered by a court. Say goodbye to all goodwill.

So you got 70% of assets in the divorce but you now want him to fund your lifestyle like your married. Time to face reality he is no longer your meal ticket your income & lifestyle is on you, shame to ruin your co-parenting arrangement being greedy.

They will if they find out you're using them to try and extort money out of your ex.

You have a chance to withdraw your claim and pay back the money voluntarily. If you don't, he will win at tribunal, you'll lose the CB, you'll be ordered to pay back the maintenance and you'll lose the respect of your sons.

Your move.

Which he may well be doing when he has them. It doesn't mean he has to give their mother more money