Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

What he paid during all those years didn’t amount to half the cost of bringing up the children and the sacrifices I made to my career.

I do not want to make this posters thread about me. The CMS gave me innacurrate and false information, they repeatedly told me on numerous phone calls from numerous advisors that I was in fact the primary carer. THEY told me it wasn’t just due to child benefit, but due to the fact I had the children’s registrations for the dentist and doctors and did the majority of admin. THEY told me it wasn’t just based on 50/50 overnights but who provided more day to day care, which I still maintain I did! I managed most of the facets of their lives! I did all the admin for school trips, dentist appointments, made sure they needed to be where they needed to be. The mental load so to speak that so many women complain about being unequal (except when it comes to my thread it seems). The CMS should NEVER have given me such misleading information, THEY should have been transparent that actually, it is largely based on overnights, in which case they should have disallowed my claim in the first instance NOT lead me to believe it was based on who did more care that was deemed primary carer!

Given you said he paid 1k a month before he went 50/50 you’ll find very few have sympathy as that’s a huge amount.

You may have been given bad advice, but you chose to ignore every piece of advice to the contrary. You were linked to the information that 50/50 is handled differently. You were repeatedly told that your take was wrong by people who worked for CMS, who had been through the process themselves and the only people you replied to or listened to were ones who agreed with you.

You allowed your greed about his payrise to blind you and ignored all sensible advice. And you still take zero responsibility for it

He paid plenty. And you didn’t do more of the care. He did all that stuff during his time with them, which was 50/50. You said that yourself in your thread. Then you changed your story, and lied to CMS that you did it all. He challenged and won.

We all read your thread. We say the changes you made to your story as things didn’t go your way.

You deserved to lose. You had plenty of money from him. He was also paying you loads despite it being 50/50 because he was happy to help extra. You fucked it with your greed, your nonsense, the lies, your refusal to take advice. And now you’ve lost your kids because they saw how you were behaving.

At some point you need to take responsibility for your behaviour and stop blaming CMS for making decisions based on the lies you told them.

I do not know the legal standing, but from my own POV I would say if its 50/50 he doesnt need to pay any maintenance, regardless of what he earns. I know you don't mean to do this, but in effect you are trying to get spousal payments and rebalance yours and his finances via child maintenance. As you are not in a relationship, his earnings are not yours. Yes it hurts that he can afford more for the kids than you can, but that isn't remedied through maintenance, especially as you earn a decent wage.

On the money you are both earning why are either of you claiming child allowance?

Oh wow there is actually two of them!! The entitlement!!

Your delusion really knows no bounds does it…..?!!!

You’ve alienated your own children due to your greed and bitterness.

This isn't about @ProlongedAffair though. We've settled that issue- she will never take accountability or accept that she was wrong, which is really sad for her and her children, but no amount of explanation can get through to her.

What's completely baffling is that along comes another one with the exact same story, being told what the outcome will definitely be from someone who has seen it through to the bitter end, and STILL not accepting it.

There's something almost impressive about holding firm to what you WANT to be true in the face of all evidence showing you it is NOT true.

You would hope @fixatedplanet will listen to you as you’ve been there

and in all her replies she feels she should have more money for her

when an ex is happily paying half of all costs then be grateful

he then offers to pay all so no cost to op apart from what she wants or needs an still not good enough

I asked ChatGPT and it said the most likely outcome with his Child Benefit rival claim is that it would remain with me for both boys since he is on a high income and cannot actually get it without paying it back so awarding it to him would leave the whole family worse off than before which makes perfect sense, so let's see.

Ask a solicitor instead. AI is not infallible

That’s exactly what the lady on the other thread believed. She was wrong.

I am divorced. My ex-husband earns at least double what I do, probably more. I have them 90% of the time. I’ve worked out what the kids cost me on a basic level and he gives me £340 a month for them. If I went through CMS I would be awarded at least double that, however I don’t want him subsidising my lifestyle, it’s his money, not mine. Yes he can afford to take them on lavish holidays … isn’t that lovely for them? I also take them on holiday to less expensive places and we also have a lovely time, paid for by me. We have a great co-parenting relationship and he will pay for trainers and things without me asking which is always really appreciated but not expected. We aren’t together any more; it’s not my money.

Sorry but I don't feel he should give you anything if its 50/50, you are taking the mick so Im not surprised hes fighting it and you have a good wage yourself! I have my 2 kids 95% of the time and get £300 a month from my ex.

That is not a factor that Child benefit when taking entitlement into account.

You are mad if you use something as unreliable as chatGBT as a guide on something as important as this.

Maybe ChatGPT can represent you in court…

My ex earns more than me, can’t get any of the money at all and he now gets BOTH of my children’s benefits. When it was 50/50 he got awarded one of the benefits. It doesn’t matter how much you earn, if it is 50/50 he WILL get it, however shitty and unfair. The whole process took 6 months and he did get it, I sent bucket loads of evidence and told them he can’t get the money so it didn’t benefit our children whatsoever, they gave it to him.

You need to call them, they told me on the phone he probably would get it and he did.

That's right poppet, the law, the gov.uk website, @ProlongedAffair and everyone else with experience of this are all wrong and the nice robot still in its infancy is correct.

That is not how it works. ChatGPT doesn’t know what it’s talking about.

It does not matter whether or not he can actually receive the money. They do not care. All they care about is that he is entitled to due to being 50/50 care. Child benefit is used as a decider for things like child maintenance, which is why they allow it to be claimed in this way. It does not matter what he earns. Please listen because you are going to lose. They do not care about salary. You will lose.

Oh and the CMS also backdated my claim to the date he was awarded the child benefit (6 months worth) and refunded that from my claim for my second child at the time, he also opened a CMS case against me for the child he got the benefit for!

Child benefit it also used as proof of address for things like school applications, GP services, even their national insurance number and where they live for council tax, which I had no clue about, you will get really screwed over as from VERY RECENT experience they are going to give him 1 of them.

ChatGPT is lying I’m afraid. Who gets the child benefit doesn’t go off feelings or who earns what.

It goes on who’s entitled to the claim even if they have to pay it all back. So he will be awarded one child.

I asked Gemini:

Summary of the Dispute: Parent A vs. Parent B

1. Why Parent B can claim Child Benefit

While it is true that Parent B must pay back 100% of the benefit via the High Income Child Benefit Charge (because they earn over £80,000), they are still legally entitled to apply for it.

• The Strategy: In cases of 50:50 care, the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) uses Child Benefit as the "tie-breaker." By claiming for one of the children, Parent B is removing Parent A’s status as the "Lead Parent."
• The Goal: Parent B isn't looking for the money; they are looking for a legal document from HMRC that proves they share equal responsibility.

1. Why Parent A is likely to lose the Tribunal

Under Regulation 50 of the Child Maintenance rules, a person cannot be forced to pay maintenance if they provide "day-to-day care to no lesser extent" than the other parent.
The 50:50 Rule: If the tribunal finds that the care is truly equal (both in nights and daily responsibilities like school runs, appointments, and life admin), the CMS loses jurisdiction.
Income doesn't matter: Unlike a divorce settlement, the CMS does not care that Parent B earns £156k and Parent A earns £70k. If the care is 50:50, the "formula" usually results in £0 payable.

1. Repayment of Maintenance received "to date"

If the Tribunal rules that the care has been 50:50 since the start of the claim, they will backdate the decision to the "Effective Date" (the day the claim opened).
Overpayment: This means any money Parent A has received was technically "not due."
The Result: The CMS will record this as an overpayment. They usually "collect" this back by either asking for a lump sum or, if the case stays open at a lower rate, reducing future payments until the debt is cleared.
The "Bottom Line" for Parent A
If the evidence proves the split is exactly 50:50, the law treats both parents as "Parent with Care." In this specific legal bracket, there is no "Paying Parent." Parent A is currently winning on a technicality (holding the Child Benefit), and Parent B’s counter-claim is designed to correct that technicality at the Tribunal.

For a long time, gpt thought that since 1 woman can have a baby in 9 months therefore 9 women could make a baby in 1 month. It’s a moron. It makes shit up all the time. It’s trained to be sycophantic to make you feel good to make you keep coming back, it will for sure be affected in this question by your own expectations and the way you phrase it.

Just because someone else can’t claim some benefit, doesn’t mean you suddenly become entitled to it. I can’t claim housing benefit for my rich friend’s home. You can’t claim child benefit that is due to your ex.

OP - if you earned more than he did would you pay him CMS? Honestly??