Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

"Your Dad earns more so is able to do different things with you. Thankfully I earn a good salary so everyone's doing fine. Oh and as part of the divorce, I did get 70% of the joint assets, which reflected the difference in earning. So you see boys, even when parents split up, a good co-parenting arrangement can be found".

Enjoy your sons OP and don't risk ruining relationships all over the place.

OP why don’t you just get a better paid job?

Your entitlement gives single mums a terrible rep.
You’re being utterly unreasonable and grabby.

Why don't you get a job that pays as much as his does?

If he was earning a lot less than you would you be happy to pay him CMS???

I am the poster from the other thread. Someone posted your thread on my one.

OP I know where you are coming from with doing more and also more when they were younger. Then your ex swans in when they are older with 50/50 and things are easier. I will just tell you what happened to me.

My ex earns more. CMS awarded me child maintenance for both my sons and told me it’s due on 50/50. He put in a rival child benefit claim for one of our children and was awarded it, even though he can’t get any of the money. CMS also then let him claim child maintenance from me for that child. Since then, both of our children has moved in with him as he’s basically alienated them by saying I am greedy, a gold digger etc. They now both live with him and don’t see me, don’t talk to me and he gets both child benefits (but none of the money) and gets child maintenance from me for both as well. So I would say be very very careful as you might end up with your ex going full revenge mode on you and your children being alienated and also having to pay him as unfair as it is. Oh and there’s also a tribunal pending for all the money he did have to pay me as enforced through CMS, he’s trying to get it all back and I’ve no idea what the judge will say.

I think you are deluded OP, 70% you came out with and half his pension. This must be a reverse, surely no one is this silly.

Where I live, the income disparity would mean that even in a 50/50 situation, the higher earner would pay significant cms. I don’t live in the uk though.

70% assets, 50% pension, 50% custody and both child benefits but it's still not enough for you.

Your sense of entitlement is ridicolous and he's calling time in it.

A wiser person would withdraw their claim subject to him not seeking one CB, but you won't, you'll fight and you'll lose.

You’re the same previous poster aren’t you?

Yabu as it's 50/50 so niether of you should get anything off the other for child maintenance. He has his expenses for the children at his home, you have your expenses for the children when they are with you. Only thing I would say he should reimburse you for is half towards school trips or the rare large school expense assuming you can't just pay half seperately and that certainly isn't going to be anywhere near £800 per month.

The court have taken into account your lesser earnings at the point of splitting the assets. You’ve done really well in the split as a result.

But that’s the end now.

You would get maintenance if doing more than 50% but not at 50:50. Because you each pay for the kids during your time.

Once a former couple is divorced, they can each earn what they earn and it doesn’t matter if it’s “fair”. It doesn’t matter if one parent is poorer, that’s just life. If you had the kids more, then fair enough, he’d pay his bit more to cover for that, but at 50:50 it is mind boggling that you think you should get a share of his money just so that you can in some way “keep up”.

" I look like the poorer parent."

You are the poorer parent

and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent.

The children aren’t missing out.
YOU are missing out and it’s embarrassing if you want your ex to pay for your holidays.

I am assuming this isn’t real as it’s ridiculous wanting your ex to pay for your lifestyle.

I wonder how you’d feel if he gave up work and you had to pay him maintenance.

Are you seriously trying to claim that your kids cost more than £1000 (800 from him and let’s say 200 from you) for the two weeks a month you have them?

If this a genuine post,
Wow, just wow.

WOW OP, aren't you a delight. What's stopping you earning the same as your Ex? Presumably he's had to work hard to get that salary, off you pop to do the same.

Good for him for fighting back. Your second post screams greedy and entitled. I hope your children see your true colours during the dispute.

If you won /inherited £10 million would you expect to be forced to give him £5 million as he would be the ‘poorer parent’???
You got70% of assets and half his pension but you want MORE??
Women like you give the rest of us a bad name and make it much harder for women in general
Shame on you for your utter greed,
You are indeed the poorer parent - in morals more than money.

You divorced him. You don’t get to benefit from his salary. You are (comparatively speaking) the poor parent and that’s just tough luck.

Exactly!!! Op would you expect to pay him if you had more money. I bet the fuck not. Easy to think you deserve more when it’s someone else’s money.

Defo

This is absolutely bonkers. I think youre the same poster who has posted previously. I dont have the energy to tell you how bonkers youre being, but I really hope your ex partner doesnt have to pay you CMS (and i say that as a 100% solo parent who does get CMS)

@fixatedplanet fixated nails it. You are divorced. That means 2 homes for your children. The other home may be more affluent but that's for half the time. Your half of the time operates on your income, you've had your personal dues through the divorce settlement.
Pursue this and it will end badly. What CMS say isn't the whole story.
You are in the privileged position of having a decent income to support your.kids, and half the time they might get extras. And a proper 50/50 arrangement.
Count your blessings.

What would I have to gain out of making this thread I’ve already had a pile on and lost both of my kids because of this exact situation.

if you have the children equally, then neither of you pay maintenance. Sounds like you are expecting spousal maintenance. Whilst you earn much less, you are hardly on the breadline!

Yes, funny that.
I noticed it immediately.