Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

Women should pay 50% of the costs equally with the fathers of their children, yes. Thats not a “financial hit,” it’s being a parent.

I would have thought that much was obvious.

The kids can likely acknowledge that their father (or mother) was in the wrong, once they’ve grown up. They still don’t need to hear or know of the arguing.

Also - that’s a disgusting way to talk about your own children. “Not the kind of children I’d want anyway”?!

People who talk about their kids like that don’t deserve to have them.

fuck that and if the kids can’t see it when they’re older more for them, not the kind of kids I’d want in my life anyway

Wow.

Children that condone their father’s terrible behaviour towards their mother don’t deserve parents

Legally though only has to pay the CMS. He doesn't have to pay 50% of the kids expenses on top

Okay.

Well I’m hoping you’re not a mother, because my kids deserve better than an attitude like yours, and yours do too.

What other disputes between former couples should their children be forced to vote on, on pain of estrangement and abandonment?

I hadn't realised they were weapons and possessions, you see, so I'm trying to learn the rules of engagement. Wouldn't want to fuck my kids up...

No one said she won’t get a penny. Because there are two children she was told he will pay cms for one and she will pay for the other. Which is what has happened.

My children and I have an amazing relationship thank you very much and they are adults so they could very much take all of me if they choose as is so popular these days to go noncontact and yet they don’t, so there we are.
However, mothers are not required to put up with whatever shit the coparent decides to dish out for fear of upsetting the civility
And if that’s how their children choose to react by claiming that the mother doesn’t deserve them, then fuck that, they can fuck off.
More women need to find their voice in the legal system not less
And the likes of you shouldn’t be trying to strike fear into them by telling them that they don’t deserve their children and that you hope that they’re not mothers because they refuse to get played
Just read that back and have a little bit of a think about what you’re actually saying.
Your attitude and I will avoid getting Personal about whether I think you’re a capable person is what’s holding women back into society generally.

Is this hypothetical or would you tell your own children to fuck off if they wanted a relationship with their father?

I don’t have one with mine, by choice. My choice, not because my mother threatened me into it.

You seem to be ignoring the fact that she got 70% of the marital assets in the divorce.

Why are you acting like this guy has left OP destitute on the streets , sees the kids one day a month and pays nothing?

Have you considered, even for a second , that half the shared costs could very well be more than the maintenance?

You obviously have you own issues at play here.

But what has the father in OP case actually done that is terrible?

He care for the children 50/50
He paid 50% of all shared costs (and offered to pay 109% of all shared costs)
He is by OP own account a good and involved father
He let OP claim child benefit for both children even through legally he was allowed to claim for one (50/50 is one child each for child benefit)
On divorce OP got 70% of assets and half his pension (this acknowledged that OP had done more child care and had time off maternity)

The ex was forced to claim one child benefit because OP falsely claimed CM.
The ex ask her to withdraw the claim to try and maintain the co - parent relationship. When she refused he did claim CB because that is the only thing that the CMS will take as proof.
He is still being decent and ask OP to stop the CM claim. She hasn't so his next step is to open a counter claim and/or tribunal
Which is where this is going to end up.

This will cause everyone unnecessary stress and hassle, including the children because even if you try and shelter them from what is happening they will feel that something is off kilter and they will notice that their parents do not get on as well as previously.

What you do not grasp is in this situation the man isn't skirting / ignoring his responsibilities or hiding money OP is due. OP was never entitled to claim CM but because of how the CMS operates it's up to the other parent to prove that this claim is fraudulent and that takes time

What and fathers should take all the shit a mother deals out and not use their legal rights to stop the mother claiming money they aren't entitled too?

Do you just hate all men?

If he takes it to tribunal it will be reduced to nil payment. It's really annoying that CMS doesn't know their own rules.

If that's what the tribunal decides, will OP be told to pay back what he paid before it got to tribunal?

If the father enters a back claim, yes. Most likely what will happen is the backpack will be offset by his 50% of future shared costs. So essentially she would be responsible for 100% of shared costs going forward until such point the debt is cleared.... given the kids ages that might be after one or both turn 18!

Smooth co-parenting is not for the benefit of the parents. It makes for happy kids and models how to manage break-ups well so as not to traumatise the next generation

@Haystackhunting I'm genuinely concerned for your wellbeing. You've clearly had a shit time and seem to be carrying a fuck ton of anger. Are you getting any kind of support?
You sound pretty fucked up.

.

Have you actually read the thread? He was paying way over what he had to.
the mum wanted more cause she wanted holidays etc.
then it all went tits up cause she now only gets what she deserves.
So no, your rant is complete bollocks. The MAN took a massive hit in this and probably many other men.
Then you attack the kids. Wow you seem so lovely 😊

Recon this is the only thing we have agreed on 🤣

I don't think that's the current situation.

He's now got child benefit for one child and they've immediately reduced his payments based purely upon the child benefit. They haven't yet addressed the 50:50 care arrangement. He can now use the child benefit to support his claim. It will likely be determined that no CMS is due to either party and the OP will need to repay the money she's claimed.

The CMS staff (the decent ones) find it incredibly frustrating, but they have no choice but to use the CB = entitled to CMS formula.

The system is cheap and poor and doesn’t allow for staff to do anything other than follow the very basic formula. It can be incredibly frustrating when you get a case that is outwith the simple set up of one parent having majority care and claiming accordingly.

The fact the calculator is so inaccurate, especially with 50:50 cases, causes so many arguments and issues. Its really really poor that its still on the site and the warnings that its a very very very rough estimate that depends on a lot of factors are not clear enough.

No, she hasn’t. The 50/50 aspect hasn’t been dealt with yet.

Once that goes to tribunal she’ll still get nothing.

Atm there are just two standard cases set up. That system doesn’t allow for the 50/50 to be recognised. It doesn’t remotely mean the current position of each paying for one child will stand going forward.

Appreciate the update OP